Embracing Change

I MOVED!

2010-04-30T13:02:00.000-07:00

In true blogger fashion, I have moved my blog over to wordpress. It will now become more of an every day/everything blog. I can't strictly focus on weight loss anymore. It's still a huge part of my life, but ive run out of things to say. If you would like to continue following me, be sure to bookmark my wordpress pages!

http://cyanidestory.wordpress.com/ --arts
http://cyanidesarah.wordpress.com/ --everyday blog

Its been great blogging with you ladies and gentlemen. Please follow me on
-twitter
-facebook
-myspace

I will update and write one last final blog later this week/month.

Peace and Love
Sarah V.

Hunger

2010-04-27T19:26:00.000-07:00

I am starting to feel like I did when I was a kid again. When I was 15 and younger, my friends used to joke that I was a bottomless pit. I could eat my weight in anything, and never gain a pound. I was 5'9, 125 lbs, and I thought I'd stay that way forever. Unfortunately, as is the story, I met a boy.

I spent the next 2 years dating this guy off and on. We never went anywhere or did anything to be active. We sat around my house or his eating ramen noodles, playing video games, and drinking at least 2 cases of soda per week. As you can guess, by the time we had broken up I was 2 years older, 45 pounds heavier, and 2 inches taller. It was a real eye opener.

The next few years my weight yo-yo'd all around. I would be fat, then thin. Fat, then thin. The cycle never ended. When I worked, I was thin. When it was warm out, I was thin. Once winter rolled around again I would inevitably put on twenty pounds. I think I gained and lost that same 20 pounds a dozen times or more.

In February of 2007, I found out I was pregnant. I was 5'11, and 190 pounds. I didn't look bad at all, and most people thought I was lying when I said I was 190. Sometimes I would even tell them I was 175 and they would totally believe me. Now I understand why women lie about their age/weight sometimes. Luckily, that isn't who I am anymore.

When I realized I was pregnant, I thought it was a free pass. I ate all I wanted, whenever I wanted, and if I gained weight I just figured that was fine. I never wanted to get as big as I did, and 35 lbs of that was from pre-eclampsia and water weight. Sadly, I did gain my own 40 lbs from eating like a piggy. I think I probably had fast food three times a week when I first found out I was pregnant, because the living situation I was in didn't really allow for us to cook meals at home. (We lived in an RV for a short time while apartment hunting in Florida.) By the time we had moved back to Cookeville, the foods I was eating had improved, but the amount I was eating had not.

In October 2008 I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Regardless of how much I ate she only weighed 6 lbs, 14 oz. She was and still is amazing. I lost 35 pounds of water weight before leaving the hospital 2 days later, and another 15-20 pounds in the few months following her birth. I am now back under my pre baby weight, and yet my body looks like a war zone. I will be fighting for the next year or two in order to find myself again. I need to reclaim my body, and joining weight watchers is exactly what I did to help me achieve that goal. I want to be happy with who I am as a person both inside and out, and I think that i'm taking the proper steps to ensure that happens.

I am down to 3 meals a day, and usually 3 snacks. I take vitamins, drink water, and do some form of movement every day. (Even if its just walking around the house!) I am getting better at working out more, and I'm trying to re-evaluate my meals so I can get in all of my recommended food groups, but its rough. I only have 29 pts to work with, and that makes for a hard time creating meals + snacks. (Feel free to post suggestions.) Really, I'm hoping that the reason I'm constantly hungry all of a sudden, is because my metabolism is working the way it should once again. A girl can dream right?

Peace, Love, and Rambling Blogs
Sarah V.

Swimming!

2010-04-25T19:47:00.000-07:00

This is a tshirt from Old Navy. I bought it probably 3 months ago, and now I feel like I'm swimming in it. It is only an XL. The neckline is NOT a boat collar, it actually just stretches THAT far!

Here I am again in my pajamas. I took this picture tonight, literally 30 minutes ago. I am starting to come together nicely if I do say so myself. I make it sound like I'm a swingset that takes ages to put together! "She's coming together nicely fellas, now put that swing up on the left, thanks." Okay, honestly I don't know what I'm talking about. It's late and I'm tired! I am officially down 7.5 pounds since I started weight watchers. I wish I could say it was more (like my freaking hubby who has already lost 15!) I am down 70 pounds since my heaviest weight though, and that's what matters right? I am working on a healthier lifestyle. Writing what I eat really opens my eyes as to what it is I'm putting in my body.

Today, for the first time in a week I actually ate all 3 meals. I had been skipping breakfast because I'd been waiting so long to get up to take care of myself. I would get up early, take care of the baby, then lie on the couch. This week will be different, I'm going to take control of my mornings again. I ended up going 3 points over today and into weeklies because of a bran muffin, but it's better that than chocolate! I also got in my 3 servings of milk, and all my liquids. I'm still having issues getting in 5 servings of veggies/fruits, because I'm such a picky eater, and I only have 29 points to play with. Here's a run down of what I ate today.

Breakfast:
1 Cup Fiber One Honey Clusters Cereal-4 pts
1 Cup 2% Milk-3pts

Lunch:
Peanut Butter & Strawberry Jelly on Honey Wheat Bread-7 pts
1 cup 2% milk-3 pts

Supper:
3 oz roast beef-6pts
1 Cup cooked carrots-1 pts
1 Cup 2% milk-3pts

Snacks:
Rosemary & Olive Oil crackers-2pts
Bran muffin-3pts
Diet Dr. Pepper-0pts

That's all I've got for you lovely blog readers tonight. Check back later this week when I get back on track and on topic. Prepare for more vlogs, and less meaningless blogs. (Unless you like them?)

If you aren't already, follow my on twitter! My link is off to the right of this page.

Peace, Love, and Music Pics
Sarah V.

2010-04-24T08:03:00.000-07:00

Happy Saturday fellow bloggers and blogettes! I hope everyone else is having as productive a morning as I am. I woke up at 7 a.m. today so that I had time to get ready for my 9 a.m. weight watchers meeting. I got dressed, did my hair, swept the kitchen, picked up toys, got the baby up, poured her milk, cooked her scrambled eggs, and then made sure Drew was up. It was a relatively good morning.

Andrew and I don't eat before we weigh in. We have found that we both do better that way, and then we have breakfast after we get home. Normally, thats never an issue, but today while staring at my daughters scrambled eggs my stomach growled a mighty growl. The smell of those tasty tasty eggs was teasing my tummy! Luckily, It was time to go soon after. I brought a Dasani and a Nutri-Grain bar to the meeting so that I had something to nibble on while I waited for my breakfast. Mmmm Strawberry Nutri-Grain bar. (Btw those are only 2 pts!)

I was honestly not expecting a loss today. I was in fact expecting a gain, if anything. The last 2 weeks I was stuck on the same weight, down to the exact ounce! I hadn't worked out at all last week, minus my one hour walk yesterday. Luckily, I think that's what budged the scale a little. (I'm down one pound.) Earlier in the week I was all the way down to 192, and then I drank about 5 diet sodas this week and had leftover Easter candy. Well, no more soda and it's time to chuck the Easter candy. (I am crying one sad lonely tear for all that chocolate.)

I've decided this next week will be better. I am getting ready to go for another walk when Emma takes her nap. I am going to do my best to get in at least 30 minutes of movement every day this week! I am sure I can handle it, even if its just chasing Emma through the house. I play with her a lot, but I never remember to count that as activity. Oh well. I was down a whole pound this week, making my grand total 15 lbs gone since January, 8 since I started W.W. and 70 since I gave birth. I only have another 23.5 lbs to go until goal weight. Yayy!

In order to motivate myself to walk more, I signed up for weight watchers 5k today. For anyone who isn't sure, the 5k is 3.1 miles long. I am so excited, I actually had to talk my husband into it, but he agreed. It isnt until June, so I have plenty of time to get used to the idea of walking 3 miles. I'm pretty proud that I even am thinking of doing something so awesome. I hope we can actually do it.

Well, there you have it. I have no idea what I said because my mind is running a million miles an hour. I think this is probably another one of those rambling blogs that jumps all over the place. I'm not sure, but I hope you understand what it is I'm saying. Last week was a shitty week, and this week Im feeling all revved up and motivated again. Hopefully, by the end of the week this feeling is still going strong. W-F are my weak days.

Today my leader said something that I thought was interesting:
If you always do, what you always did-
you'll always get, what you always got.

Aside from the horrific grammar in that mantra, I think its a good fit for weight loss.
Don't you?

Peace, Love, and Crackers
Sarah V.

I'm baack.

2010-04-22T21:58:00.000-07:00

Guess who's back? No, it's not Slim Shady! It's shapely Sarah. Yeah, I made that up on the spot, and let's never speak of it again. Did you miss me? Did you notice I was gone? Don't lie to me, or I'll fry you with a bug zapper.

This week has been one of those rough weeks. I am losing all motivation, I am losing all support, I am losing everything really. Well, except weight. Go figure. Being a stay at home mom to an 18 month old daughter, everyone assumes I've got time on my hands. In reality, I don't. I'm sure that you all think I can just gate her up, and do my thing, but it doesn't work that way in my house. First of all, my daughter will throw a tantrum until she literally gets hurt if I put her in her room. It doesn't matter if its for five minutes or fifty five, she knows that gate time means Im leaving. That leads me to conclusion number two, if she can hear me or see me, she will not stay silent. She is very attached to me.

My daily routine usually goes something like this.

Get out of bed
Get Emma milk
Find and then cook Emma breakfast
Feed Emma
Change Emma's diaper and clothes
Play with Emma
Husband comes home for lunch, yells at me for skipping breakfast
Eat lunch with the husband, chat with him til he goes back to work
Find and make the baby lunch
Feed the baby (this step takes 20-30 minutes btw)
Change her diaper/clothes again
Put her down for a nap
Listen to her cry herself to sleep for an hour
Sneak in a fast shower
Blow dry my hair/fix my hair
Sit down, have a snack, grab a drink, pick up toys, etc
Get baby up
Change her diaper
Get her another cup
Play with her
Talk to dad and grandpa when they get home
Find her supper
Cook dinner for 4.
Feed her
Wash dishes/clean kitchen
Bathtime
30 minutes of family time
Put on pjs and overnights
Clean her bedroom
Pick up all her toys
Say her goodnights to everyone
Put her to bed
Listen to her cry herself to sleep for another hour, and leave the area so she can't hear me

By now it is 9 pm. I can't leave the house because not only do I not currently have a working car, but I also don't have a working house key. This means, I can't go out for a walk. I can't go to the store. I can't go to the gym. I can't go to the park. I can't go to the daycare. I can't do anything, because I'm a prisoner in this G.D. house! Anyways, her daddy has been going to bed at 10 pm because he has to get up for work at 4.

The last few workouts I did were while dad was home and could watch her. He would play with her, or even watch her while I went on a walk or run. This week his entire schedule changed, and it threw off the entire family. Not only is his sleep schedule off, but we're not sleeping in the same room. The baby is getting up at all sorts of random hours because she hears him come and go at 5 a.m. She's also been teething and had a diaper rash, so she has wanted to be held non stop. It's like this entire week nothing has worked out for me.

All I want to do, is get the baby into her stroller and go for a walk. Tomorrow, my husband comes home at 3 pm and he's mowing the lawn. He can't watch her because he has to work, and mow the lawn, and he doesn't get up with her at all during the night because he has sleep apnea. It's ALL me. If this isn't a workout, I don't know what is. I am a full time, on call, 24/7 parent. I stay up for days on end with ZERO sleep while she is sick. I clean up after 2 grown men, an infant, and myself. I cook for a family of 4, I clean up after a family of 4, I wash dishes 3 times a day used by that same family. And, there are plenty of things I do that ARENT listed during the day. Do you see times listed where I can use the rest room? Do you see times listed where I spend 5 minutes checking my bank statement online? Most of my facebook/twitter happens from my phone after everyone's asleep!

The layout of my house is simple. One story, wood floors, vaulted ceilings. There is a horrible echo through the entire house. This week the baby is in one room, the grandpa is in the room across the hall, daddy is in the living room directly across from them, and my back room is just off the living room. If I sneeze, I will wake the family. I am just having a very, very stressful week. I know that these aren't reasons, I know that they're excuses, but I find it very difficult to work out when I have zero support, zero help, and zero place/way to do it. Next week WILL be better. This week has sucked monkey anyways. I am going to try my damndest to walk tomorrow, if it doesn't rain AGAIN! That, and if Emma is feeling alright, she did have 3 shots today. *sigh*

On a happier note, my daughters pediatrician looked me up and down once and told me that I looked like I'd lost a LOT of weight since I saw her last. (Hmm, is 14 pounds in 3 months a lot of weight?) That was damn near the only bright part of my day.

Oh and in case anyone was wondering why I wasn't blogging, or if anyone even noticed it's because I have had so much going on at home, and I've been so depressed with things lately that I just haven't made the time to get online. Honestly, I haven't had any me time in quite a while. Today I attempted to watch a movie and I had to stop it over 8 times just to get to the end. It took me about 6 hours to watch an hr long movie. That's how awesome my life is right now. I can't even enjoy a little down time. I feel like I'm always on the run, always on the move, always doing something. Cooking, cleaning, playing, running errands, laundry, dishes, doctors, stores, etc. We actually wore pedometers to walmart the other day and after we left we figured up that we had earned 1 activity point each. I don't know if that's awesome or depressing, because walking around walmart is how we kill time before coming back home while we grocery shop.

Okay, I'm seriously signing off now. I will find a way to work out again, even if it means doing yoga in the shower. lol. But for real, show the love. I desperately need it. And I know it's technically Friday but I will post a Fun loving Friday post in the morning/afternoon. This is just going to be my "lets pretend its still Thursday and cheat a little" blog post. :)

Peace, Love, and Bitching (Its what I do best)
Sarah V.

Fail

2010-04-20T09:11:00.000-07:00

Today is a fail. It's just one of those days, where you know everything is going to go wrong. I've been dealing with the domino effect all morning.

It all started when I woke up late and from there it just snowballed. I tripped over the baby gate leaving the bedroom, tripped on the couch pillows which were strewn about the floor, and then tripped over a bucket sitting in the kitchen. Hello, didn't I just clean that all up last night? *Sigh* I got Emma her milk and gave her some breakfast before laying on the couch to watch Sabrina The Teenage Witch on Abcfamily. Don't judge. I grew up on that show, and I like to feel nostalgic.

When 10 am rolled around, I decided I was going to get off my duff and do something. I went to the bathroom and attempted to fix my hair. It wasn't happening today, so I said forget it, and into a pony tail it went. I threw on my sports bra, a hoodie, and my workout pants. I was going to take Emma on a nice LONG walk around the neighborhood. I knew it would make me feel better.

Then, just as I'm getting ready to dress Emma, my husband sends me a text saying he'll be home for lunch in ten minutes. Okay, looks like I'm not going anywhere after all. So, I patiently wait for him to get home, and I start making myself some delicious ramen noodles. He comes home, we talk, I check the mail and see my awesome books from Quinn for my bday, and then I come back inside. I drained my noodles, and finished making them on the stove. That's new to me, because I always make them in the microwave. I was up too late for breakfast, so I opted for a nice filling lunch. The noodles sounded and smelled delicious, and they were the last pack, so I was excited to eat them. Just then, I tripped over another baby toy, and down go the noodles. Yep, my only pack of ramen noodles, are now all over the floor AND on top of my cell phone which also fell to the ground.

I drop to the ground with a roll of paper towels cursing the day. The noodle juice burned my hand on the way down, and I'm just beyond frustrated. The baby wouldn't stay out of the kitchen, because she wanted to play in the fun noodle mess! I made her cry when I told her she had to go play in the other room. (Making mom feel even worse about her terrible day, check!)

My husband says his goodbyes, and I think to myself that now would be an even BETTER time to go for that walk because I need the fresh air and quiet time. Well, what do you know, the very moment my husband leaves, it starts to rain. So, I put the baby down for a nap, and I'm enjoying some me time online.

Now, my tummy is growling, I'm too irritated to cook, the kitchen needs cleaned, and my hand hurts. Today has already really just been sucking. OH, and its only noon! So, I'm going to try not to set anything on fire, break any bones, or do anything requiring a swat team. Wish me luck.

For now, I'm going to go sulk in the corner, and read about food.

Peace and Love.

Seventy

2010-04-19T09:23:00.000-07:00

Do you all see this number? This wonderful, fantastic, beautiful number? Well, that was my weight at of 4/19/2010. I weighed in on Saturday at 195.5, but the entire week before I had the birthday celebration I was at 193. Apparently, my bloating, water weight, and ice cream flab have gone back to normal. Plus, drinking 3 liters of water a day seems to really help with the weight loss. Yay.

The reason this number is so fabulous to me is because at my heaviest I was 262 pounds! That means that as of today I have lost 70 pounds. Of course, the last ten or so has been with the help of weight watchers, the first thirty was dropped within weeks after birth, and I have spent the last YEAR working on the other 30! I think that the day I step on the scale and its under 190, I may actually faint.

Of course, losing 70 pounds in 18 months is a pretty big accomplishment for me, considering I did 90% of it on my own. I had no weight loss regiment, I had no weight loss buddies, I didn't take diet pills, or have a support system for a very long time. Then, in January of this year, I decided to start a little weight loss campaign. It started off as a wii weight loss challenge, that would be done in 6 weeks. It ended up turning into a full on lifestyle change, for myself and several others! Here I am, 4 1/2 months later, and I'm still going strong. I am moving more, eating healthier, drinking more water, and you are all still here by my side. In fact, some of you are new readers who have found me on twitter even. I feel so loved.

So, this last week my friend Brooke EXPOSED herself via blog. Now, you've all seen my stomach and how nicely its shrinking. What you havent seen is everything else. So, in honor of Brooke AND the Exposed movement, I'm going to show you all what I've spent the last 2 years hiding from. Are you ready for this? Hell. I'll give you a full frontal AND a side view. (The first one Im still wearing my boxers, so just be mindful of that, haha)

So, first of all, note the happy smile on my face. (Sarcasm) I actually took about ten of each shot, and by the end I wasnt smiling at all. Unfortunately, the other pics all turned out blurry because 1.) my mirror is dirty and 2.) the bathroom isn't lit well enough not to use a flash, but the flash reflects and ruins the picture. So, hooray.

Now, I'm going to do something I never do. I'm going to once again follow in Brookes foot steps and talk about what I LIKE about myself, rather than what I HATE. Pictures included. Woo for pic blogs.

My favorite thing about myself is my eyes. I know that everyone loves their eyes for different reasons, but mine are the one feature I've never grown tired of. Even wearing contacts, they still fit my personality. My eyes are awesome because they change color naturally. It always freaks people out, and no one believes that I don't wear colored contacts. (I wear regular contacts is all!) My eyes change from blue, green, hazel, and gray. If you ever have gone through my pictures, pay close attention to my eyes. They blend to match what I'm wearing, or my mood. If they're gray, I'm usually upset. The other colors do what they want.

My second favorite thing about myself, is my smile. I don't like my teeth, but I love my little smart ass smirk. If you ever see me smile with my teeth, I probably look like this...........

Yep, this is my Derrr face. :) It's fun to laugh at yourself sometimes. But in all seriousness, I love my face. I look like my mom, and the more people tell me that, the happier it makes me. I love my mom and I'm proud to look like her. We're both very beautiful women. Plus, It would be creepy if I looked like my dad!

So today, I'm proud of my body and I'm proud of myself for what I've done. It's been a long journey, and I plan on continuing to do it for the rest of my life. I will get to my goal weight. I will not be depressed if I have an off week. I will try my best to keep reminding myself that I AM doing a good job, and that these things take time.

Until next time blog readers!
Sarah V.

P.s. Thanks to Quinn for the birthday shout out on Friday! I know I don't look 24, but I promise I am. And this is all I had for my birthday celebration, alongside my TCBY ice cream. But It was so, so, so, so, soooo delicious.

Peace and Love.

Another Weigh Day

2010-04-17T11:24:00.000-07:00

I couldn't sleep last night. I was awake until one and was awakened at 7 by the annoying ring of my cell phone alarm (three times!) I had hoped eating the tasiest ice cream in the world the day before weigh in wouldn't bite me in the ass, and it didn't. Hoooray. Okay, that's a lie. I didn't lose a single pound, when earlier this week I was down 2. That means that the diet coke/diet rootbeer and ice cream I had yesterday really kicked my ass. I'm sure of it in fact. I also need to throw away the rest of the Easter candy. (Who wastes candy!?!?)

My meeting was typical to say the least. I wasn't down (or up!) a single pound, and yet my hubby lost 4 without even trying. CURSE HIM. He loses 3.5-4 lbs every single week. I feel like I'm stuck, and this is the weight I was stuck at for years before having my daughter too, so I expected this struggle.

Normally, I'm very quiet. I sit in the middle of the room, and keep my head down the entire time. I listen contently, and smile pleasantry as people talk. Today, I finally got the courage to speak out loud, and of course there's a frog in my throat. I felt like an idiot, and my face turned beat right. I cleared my throat and tried again. Cindy (my leader) told me that I was correct and that what I had said was the most important topic. (Go me.) Just then my husband gives me this side eye look and makes my face go beat red. He teases me for not talking, and the one time I do, he makes me blush! Yep, that's my Andy. (Who, by the way, hit his 5% goal in our 5th week. He's down 14 pounds already, and I'm only down 7.)

So, I'm glad that my bday ice cream didn't kill me. I'm disappointed that I didn't lose, but I was prepared for that. This week I'm going to get back into moving more, and trying to get in those veggies! Last week was a rough week. Easter Candy, My birthday, Ice cream.......it was all too much! Next week WILL be better. (I hope.) On a happy note, I am still at my pre-baby weight, which is amazing.

Well friends, that was my day. I know I don't have much to say, but honestly my contacts are a little dry and my eye is sexily bloodshot so I am going to go remove them and put on my glasses for a few hours. (WHA?!) And in case anyone was wondering, my husband and I saw date night last night. I honestly haven't laughed so much, or so hard at a movie in YEARS. I nearly cried! Then today, I treated myself to a funky punky new hair do. $30 well spent for my own birthday present, to uh, myself.

I will blog more later. Or maybe I won't. But for now, it's chicken salad sandwhiches with light mayo *ew* and chopped celery/onion/red bell peppers for lunch. Hooray. I love fast easy lunches. Feel free to send recipes my way. Tweet me. Facebook me. Email me. I don't care. Just show the love.

Peace, Love, and Netflix
Sarah V.

P.s. I'm still waiting for Jackshit to jump out of my birthday cake...but, I think he's stalling. :)

Fun Lovin Friday...

2010-04-16T07:45:00.000-07:00

It's Fun Loving Friday!

As I'm sure you can guess by the photo above, my fun loving Friday entry today is about my cell phone! I love my cell phone with all my heart for several different reasons.

For starters, it has tons of pictures of my daughter in it. It also makes as a good make shift camera when I don't have my Canon with. Sure the quality sucks, but its the memory that counts right?

Second of all, my entire family is in there. My dad got his first cell phone this year (at the age of 45, tear, they grow up so fast) and he has just learned how to text. My mom and I also only stay in contact via text anymore. I call her once or twice a month, but we text often. I love getting random texts from them. Its so odd, but its like they know when I need a little parental pick me up.

Thirdly, it has my friends in there! (IE: YOU GUYS!) People I haven't seen in years text me and we have fun little chats. Even some people I've never met (like my best friend Ryan) text me! Btw, He is my favorite texter, just because he's so entirely random. (Of course Quinn is a very close second, she's also a very fun texter!) Just since yesterday I've already received 45 texts. So really, I have to say that I Looooove my phone. It's my sanity!!

And finally, it has the internet and a touch screen. I mean, who doesn't love laying in bed, sitting on twitter, facebook, blogger, myspace, or youtube? I know I do. Sometimes I just don't want to bust out my giant laptop to see what's going on in internet land.

It's hard to live away from your family and friends. I literally left my entire life behind in Iowa the day I moved to Tennessee. I left the world I knew and grew up in behind me. I feel like I'm completely lost without my phone, even if its been days since someone called or texted. I honestly feel like my phone is my only access to the world back home, and as long as I have it, I have a little piece of home with me. Does that make sense?

That is why my superawesomecellphone is the thing I love today. (Also, it now has a pink case on it, and is so much cuter.)

FOLLOW ME! (I'm all over your interwebs)

Peace, Love, and Another year older

Sarah V.

P.s. I also love today, but only because its my birthday AND a Friday. <3 Woohoo.

This blogger is officially 24.

Exposed!

2010-04-15T09:54:00.000-07:00

Since today is the last day of my 23rd year of existance, I have decided to do a picture blog! I feel like I've come a long way since we began our 6 week challenge in January. (For anyone who doesn't know what I'm talking about, refer to my first blog!)

Here we are 4 1/2 months later, and I'm down FIFTEEN pounds already! I sure don't feel like I've lost that much weight, and quite honestly I don't think I look like I have either. I am trying to keep the bigger picture in mind. Only 25 pounds to go! So, here's a little photo reminder of what I looked like back in January when we began this little endeavor....

Here are the stats for the above photos.
Weight: 209-210
Chest: 42 inches
Waist: 36 inches
Hips: 42 inches

And here, are some photos I took today. I hope you're in the mood to see a lot, because there are quite a few here. Maybe I'll only post a few though......hmm.

Current weight: 194.5
Chest: 41 inches
Waist: 33 inches
Hips: 42 inches (I doubt that will ever change!)

So, as you can see, I am down in both pounds and inches. Unfortunately, I feel like I'm losing weight in all the smaller areas first, so the overall effect isn't that noticable yet. Sadly, I no longer have ANY butt! It's like a wall back there, very flat. I never really had a butt before I gained weight, but that was the one place I was okay gaining weight. I'm glad I've lost inches though. These pants were TIGHT on me just 3 weeks ago, and now they fall off while I walk. (Size 16) I even put on my pre baby jeans, and I could squeeze into them just fine! They are 14's, but my hips kind of protrude over the sides of my jeans in them still, so hopefully I can try again in a few months! I'm really excited.

These are the current jeans I wear. Size 16, and a little too big these days. Even with a belt, they tend to fall off. I could try a pair of 15's, but I think those are just plain awkwardly sized. I think I'll just keep doing what I'm doing, and hoping for more results! So, there you have it. A photo update for my weight loss friends. Tell me what you think, and be brutally honest. Also, don't mind the tiger stripes. That tends to happen when you get pregnant and gain seventy pounds. Oh, hey. For a fun reminder, lets have a look at how big I was when I was pregnant.

The blue tank top was my wedding day (no i didnt wear the tank top.) I was 36 weeks along. The black shirt was the day before my induction. I was 40 weeks there and 262 pounds!

Alright, Well I hope you all had a fun walk with me down memory lane. Some of you were there with me through all the ups and downs of my pregnancy (hi Quinn!) and others I didn't meet until recently. I hope that you are all enjoying my blog, and continue to read what I have to say. Obviously, I rant and rave a lot, but I hope that doesn't make you any less inclined to read. Plus, when I hit my goal weight, I am going to *gulp* take a picture wearing only a 2 piece! God save us all. You don't want to miss that do you? Oh, wait...you might. Well either way, stick with me kid, and you'll go far. ha!

Peace, Love, and Random Pictures.

Sarah V.

Numbers.

2010-04-14T12:21:00.000-07:00

This weekend is my 24th birthday. That's right people, as of 8:11 a.m. on the 16th of April, I will be 24 years old. That's a lot of numbers for me to throw at ya isn't it? I am afraid I'm going to fall off the wagon. I'm afraid I'm going to eat my body weight in cake and ice cream. Even worse still, I am feeling quite depressed lately. When I get depressed one of two things happens. The first of which being, I eat until I cant even button my pants. The second of which being, I starve myself. Obviously, niether of these things are healthy, and I'm conscious of them. Being conscious of them means that I can try to halt either of these things from happening. But, Some habits just die hard..

There are a lot of things going on in my life right now that are making me unhappy. The fact that I'm almost 24 and living with my father in law being the first. The fact that my car has been broken down for 3 1/2 months, with no signs of it being fixed, is the second. The third, well money. Isn't that everyone's issue these days? My husband is barely getting any hours at work, and I cant physically get a job without the ability to get there and back. I need to be able to drive myself to work, and my daughter to and from daycare. The only way our lives are going to improve will be for us to get our shit together, move out, both work, and put our daughter in daycare.

I hate the idea of Emma going to daycare, but she has spent every day of her life for 18 months sitting at home with mommy. She needs to be around other kids, and I'm aware of this. I really would like to be a stay at home mom when she hits school age, but right now life has other plans for us. We need like fourteen miracles to occur simultaneously, but nothing is ever easy enough for us. It seems like we're always clawing our way up out of one hole, and digging ourselves right back down into another. We are tired of taking help from everyone else, trying to please everyone else, and listening to everyone else. The situation we're in is taking a real toll on our marriage, and our lives ,even if I'm the only one who sees it. Its time to grow up, and move forward. It's time to make our own futures, and not let everyone else plan them for us.

So, my 24th year will be dedicated to doing just that. I am giving myself one year from the 16th of April, to get my life in order. I am giving myself one year to have a place of our own, a decent job, and some financial stability. If after one year, I am still in the same situation: carless, jobless, and technically homeless, I will be forced to move back to Iowa for a while to re-evaluate my priorities. So wish me luck in my year long endeavor, stick with me to find out what happens, and pray to god that I don't eat my body weight in cake. Because honestly, I kind of want to.

Maybe Ill just get myself a cupcake instead?

Peace, Love, and Bitching.
Sarah V.

Holy Buckets!

2010-04-13T09:50:00.000-07:00

Last night, I started my very own bucket list with the inspiration of my friend Brooke. I put the pen to paper and started writing. I stopped once I hit number 80. I will tell you, this isn't your typical bucket list. It consists of things that I might never be able to control, but would still like to do. So, I guess it's a little strange...just like me! So, without further delay, here it is. My totally random list of things to do before I die.

Visit all 50 states, and have my photo taken next to the "welcome to" sign. (Ex: Welcome to Ohio sign.)
Graduate college.
Own a photo studio.
Run a marathon.
Get hair extensions.
Travel to an exotic island.
Meet Shane Dawson & Zach Braff.
Do one thing that I'm terrified of.
Drastically change someone elses life.
Be financially stable.
Have a bedroom with red walls.
Own a brand new car that is fully paid off.
Pay off all of my old debts.
Meet my half brother.
Visit my grandfathers grave.
See France
Break all the rules in any one place. (Like a swimming pool!)
Visit New York with my daughter.
Be 100% happy with my body.
Be someone elses inspiration.
Publish a collective book of poetry and short stories featuring only the works of myself and my friends.
Write a song.
Learn to cook without a cookbook.
Tell my brothers I love them.
Finish my scrapbook.
Burn all memorabilia from my exes.
Be in a music video.
Have my tattoos touched up.
Be thin enough to rock a belly button ring.
Meet all of my online friends in person!
Learn to stop holding grudges.
Watch a scary movie, alone, at night, in the dark.
Own a home.
Decorate my own home. (Yes, these two go together.)
See a clone.
Get over my fear of being in public.
Make new friends.
Learn to trust people again.
Be brave enough for public speaking.
Learn how to skip rocks.
Try tofu.
Have dinner with Hugh Laurie.
Adopt a pet.
Build a tree house.
Drive for days with no destination.
Spend a week in Hollywood.
Ride a horse.
Be a movie extra.
Get a makeover from my friend Barbie Teal.
Spend one whole week with the Hay family.
Get a breast reduction and lift.
Get a career in medicine.
Fall asleep under the stars with someone I love.
See my baby brother graduate.
Buy jeans in a one digit size.
Move back to Iowa.
See another concert. (I've only seen 3)
Get drunk with my brother Ty, LEGALLY!
Skinny dip in the rain
Go for a walk with Ryan.
Find god.
Wear a wedding dress. (I got married in blue jeans and a red top.)
Ask forgiveness from all those who I've wronged.
Own an autographed cd.
Have a song written about me and recorded for me.
Sing karaoke.
Stop caring about what people think of me.
Be a suicide girl for one day.
Laugh until milk squirts out my nose.
Take my mom out for a spa/girls day.
Try an expensive wine.
Start a charity.
Learn how to play an instrument.
Own 500 dvds.
Take a pottery class.
Learn how to paint on canvas.
Buy a telephoto lens
Have a picnic on a rooftop
Finish my weight watchers goal by my 25th birthday.
ITS A SECRET!

There you have it. Have you done any of these? Whats on your list?
Peace, Love, and Randomosity.
Sarah V.

Blog Free Weekend

2010-04-12T06:37:00.000-07:00

So as some of you may have noticed, I wasn't around this weekend much. I decided to take a break from the usual weight loss world, and blogs associated with it. It was nothing personal, I just decided that I was becoming a little too obsessive over it, and needed a break. Instead of focusing on my blogs, I spent the weekend with my family.

My husband, father in law, daughter, and I all spent Sunday playing on the back patio. It was a gorgeous weekend. In fact, it was so nice that my husband and I decided to go buy a small charcoal grill, but instead of burgers or streaks, we grilled lean turkey burgers! I was pleasantly surprised with how delicious they were. I know a lot of people don't like charcoal grills, but that's what I grew up on. I also had a diet rootbeer with my turkey burger and 1 oz of bbq chips. Yeah, it was so freaking good.

I'm proud to say that I also did great with points yesterday. I actually had TEN points left after dinner. I had to fight to get all my points in before bed. That NEVER happens to me. I'm always out of points after supper! So, I was pretty proud of myself for that. I also have been eating more fruits and veggies. Quinn told me to take some sweet grapes and freeze them so they are like a hard candy treat, so I am going to attempt that next time we get groceries. Anyone want to try it with me?! I am always up for trying new things, as long as it doesn't include foods that I'm for SURE I don't like.

I have to say, I must be doing something right. On Saturday, I weighed in at 195.5, and the weight watchers scale matched my home scale. Today, I stepped on the scale and was so surprised to see the following numbers.....................

Okay, first of all, let me say I have no idea why my feet look so creepy. They are not creepy feet, of this I assure you. They are cute, and small. (Size 7, for a girl who's almost six foot tall.) Second of all, I can not WAIT to see a number that begins with a 1-8, instead of a 1-9, or 2-0. I am so excited about this weight loss. I need to get to work on toning up my body so I don't end up a flabby mess of goo, but so far I look pretty good. I will post some before/after pictures in a blog later today or this week. I found some pics of my belly before I started losing weight back in Jan/Feb, and my jaw DROPPED. I never realized exactly how much weight I'd lost until I saw those pictures. For anyone keeping track, I was 209 in January and am now 193.2 (194.4 when fully clothed, and yes I'm naked in the pic above.) Wish me luck as I continue on this journey, and if ANYONE has any good food ideas, recipes, work outs, etc. Feel free to comment or shoot me an email!

Peace, Love, and Early Morning CMT
Sarah V.

Half Weigh There

2010-04-10T09:36:00.000-07:00

Today was weigh in day, and I was pleasantly surprised. I was down 3 1/2 pounds this week. Now, considering the amount of Easter candy I ate, and the trip to Taco Johns. I was really amazed. Then again, the last 2 days that I was sick with food poisoning could have also helped that weight loss. I am over half weigh to my 5% goal already. I am hoping that I can hit it by my birthday, but I'm not counting on it. My birthday is 6 days away, and I need to lose another 3.5 pounds to hit my 5%. Realistically, I would be happy to hit it before my Iowa trip. I really can't wait to hit 10 lbs gone! I weighed in at 195.5 today. I nearly cried. I am at my PRE BABY WEIGHT!!!!!! I have a long way to go until my "goal weight," but right now I am so excited to be back where I was. Obviously, my body has changed and I can't run off and throw on my pre baby clothes just yet, but damn it. I'm proud of myself.

This week I am planning on walking every day that I possibly can. We talked about walking 10 minutes a day in group today, and I usually walk 30 a day. I think that I can manage that. Plus, it's supposed to be a gorgeous week! I really would like to be down another five pounds or so before my Iowa trip. That gives me almost 4 weeks to get down five pounds. If I lose 1 lb a week, I will almost be there. I know that I won't always be lucky enough to lose 3.5 lbs at weigh in. At least this week my scale and the weight watchers scale agreed. The weight watchers scale actually weighed me as .01lbs less than my home scale. WOO! I'm having a great Saturday so far, and I hope it stays that way.

You will also be excited to hear that I ATE my weeklies last week, and I didn't feel guilty. I still had ten left by the time today rolled around, but I did it. I felt bad at first, and I kept thinking I was going to hinder my weight loss, but so far this program is working really well for my husband and I. Oh, speaking of my husband...he hit his TEN POUND mark today! He gets embarrassed sometimes being the only guy who goes to the meetings, but we see plenty who come weigh in and that has helped ease his embarrassment some. He got called up to get his 10 lb ribbon, and his face was so red. I'm not looking forward to that moment either. I hate being in the center of large groups. Luckily, there were only about ten people at today's meeting. I'm just really proud of him.

When we lived in Florida, my husband managed to get down to 209 pounds. His goal is currently 180. (He's 5'9.) I was gaining as he was losing because I was pregnant. I managed to hit 262 as he hit 209. I remember crying to him in a parking lot when I saw my reflection in a car window. I looked at him and said, "I'm not supposed to be fat. You're not supposed to be the thin one. This isn't right. I feel horrible. I'm huge!" At that point, I was only 4 months along, and I had already hit about 215-220lbs. He looked at me and told me that things were fine. He never even realized how thin he got until I showed him old pictures of himself. In the 9 months after we moved back from Florida, he gained over 60 pounds. We moved to a new town, and he was unemployed for 3 1/2 months. During that time he went through a bad depression. He was eating his feelings constantly, and I wasn't far behind. We would sit in the bedroom with potato chips, leftovers, candy, or any other amount of junk we could find. We would also both drink a ton of soda while we were playing xbox, or watching movies. We are mindless eaters, and it caught up to us.

My husbands biggest point was around 269 pounds, and today he weighed in at 230. We have both lost a lot of weight, even before joining weight watchers. We finally hit a lull and we knew we couldn't do it on our own anymore. So, after weeks of talking about it, we decided to join. It was easy enough at first to weigh every meal, but over time it gets a little bit difficult. I have finally realized that if I just keep the measuring cup and scales out while I'm cooking, it doesn't bother me as much as it does when I have to go rummaging for things.

Over all I'd say today was a big success for us both. My husband went in to the meeting expecting to gain a pound or two, as did I. When I weighed myself sans clothes (which I do at home, to see my "true" weight) I weighed 194.4. I was so happy, I could cry. I can't imagine being under 190 pounds. I haven't weighed less than 195 pounds in around three and a half years. I can't wait to see how far this journey can take me. I still haven't decided on a goal weight. I was thinking 170, but the more I think about it, the more I think 165 might be better. Who knows. It's something that I will think about more and more as I lose the pounds. As long as my number doesn't drop down to some unrealistic number (like 135) I think I'll be okay. I will try to post some progress pics this week. I'm sure you're not sick of seeing my face quite yet. (Please note the sarcasm.) I'm also trying to talk my husband into letting me take his picture, but he loathes cameras. We have been married for going on 2 years, and we have never had a professional family photo done. I am hoping to talk him into that soon too. Wish me luck.

If you haven't yet, please check out the blogs I'm following and show them the love!!!
<3 hearts! <3
Sarah V.

P.s. Show some love. Let me know you're still out there in the universe, reading my blogs! :-)
Or I will find you....
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and...........
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HUG YOU TO DEATH.

(What can I say, I'm a lover not a fighter.)

(That is only partially true.)

Happy Fridays.

2010-04-09T16:51:00.000-07:00

Well, it's time for another rendition of....HAPPY FRIDAYS!

Have you written YOUR happy Friday blog yet? All too often, we all get caught up in talking about nothing but weight loss, so if you're new to this blog (Hello twitter friends!) then I should inform you that every Friday, is Happy Friday. A day where we blog about something/somethings that make us happy, and are NOT weight loss related. If you haven't joined us in this yet, you should! It's a nice breath of fresh air.

Today's things that make me happy include:

Pandora Radio. No matter what kind of mood I'm in, Pandora seems to always know the right song to play. I love you Pandora Radio. <3
Facebook. Yes, I'm a social networking junkie. If you didn't know that already you can find me here, here, here, here, and here! Feel free to add me, but you might want to message me first. I tend to get a lot of spam, and I wouldn't want you to get lost amongst those spammers!
Iowa. As in, the state. I grew up in Iowa, and never thought I'd miss it so much! Luckily, I get to visit there in May. HOORAY! So, If you're an Iowan friend, and you're reading this. I will hit you up with details later on.
Driving. I love driving with absolutely no where to go. I enjoy taking in the scenery. I love to see street signs. I love the freedom of driving with no where to go.
Art. I like art of all kinds. I like body art, canvas art, watercolor art, photographic art, you name it. I love it.
Flip Flops (Yes, Quinn. Me too!) I hate socks. I hate tennis shoes. I only wear them when its raining, cold, or when I'm working out. The rest of the time, my feet like to be naked, and exposed to the fresh air. Which is why I love flip flops.
Summer smells. Who doesn't love this? The smell of blooming flowers, fresh rain, you name it.
EnV touch. I love my phone. I would lose my mind without it. It is my lifeline to the rest of the world. I use it to text, get online, and listen to music. It's my technological best friend.
Toe Socks. This goes along with number six, and my hatred for constricted toes.
YOU! Hooray for blog readers/writers/weight watcher friends/support systems/etc. You all make me smile.

Peace, Love, and Cherry Pajama Pants
Sarah V.

I've learned my lesson...

2010-04-09T05:41:00.000-07:00

As I mentioned in my last blog post, I had Taco John's for lunch yesterday. Not long after eating my food, I started to feel sick. (I didn't even finish the whole thing either!) Now, normally after I eat fast food, an hour later I'm in the bathroom praying to the porcelain gods. That feeling usually goes away within an hour or two. Last night was not one of those nights.

My husband and I decided to go to bed at eleven after a very long day. That's still pretty early for us, even though I felt like it was late. I sat in bed for half an hour, when I suddenly had the urge to be sick. I got up and went to the bathroom, where I spent the next three hours sitting on the floor. I literally felt like I took a brick of lead and swallowed it whole. I wanted to curl up in a ball on the floor and cry. I ended up taking anti-nausea medicine, 3 tums, and eating a Hawaiian sweet roll to absorb some of the junk in my tummy. I finally felt good enough to fall asleep at 2 a.m.

I suddenly and randomly woke myself up at 4:37 a.m. and realized that I once again had the sudden and horrible urge to be sick. Only this time, it also felt like someone was trying to fight me from the inside out. I had the worst stomach pains that I've had in years. It was like someone was tugging me down from inside my stomach. Once again, I laid down on the bathroom floor until the feeling passed. I finally thought I would be able to get a little rest once my stomach stopped hurting quite so badly, and wouldn't you know it... One hour later, my daughter gets me out of bed.

Today, is going to be a long day. I have had 2 hours of sleep, my stomach still hurts, and I'm still trying to figure out why there's a lead ball in my stomach. The only thing I did out of routine yesterday was eat that delicious grilled chicken burrito! (Which was terrible for me.) So, from now on the only "fast food" I even want to think about is Subway and Applebee's. Niether of those are really "fast food."

I think the real issue here is that my body has been completely unable to process the garbage I put into it yesterday. I have gone the past three weeks eating 1/2 cup and 1cup portions of foods. I have worked out, avoided fast food, skipped any soda that wasn't "diet" or "zero." Even those I've had sparingly. My burrito yesterday was probably nearly a foot long, and I'm sure I ate 7 inches of that, plus potato ole's. I have learned my lesson. Fifteen minutes of delicious fast food, is not worth 24+ hours of stomach aches, nausea, and lack of sleep. Next time, I'll stick to making my own chicken and cheese wrap at home. It will cost half the points, one third of the money, and it won't give me this horrible stomach pain.

Wish me luck on working out today. I really do need to get a workout in since I didn't yesterday. Sadly, I'm sore, I'm sick, and I'm exhausted. I will do my best to get one in tonight, assuming I feel better. But for now, I just put an angry baby down for a nap, (At 840 am!? That's a first!) and I'm going to use this time to get some rest myself. I really hope its a two nap day for my baby girl. Six am is early for anyone, especially someone so small. I'll tell you something though, I wish I had half her energy! (Daydreams)
....Oh, the things I could get done.

Peace, Love, and Lessons Learned
Sarah V.

Thurs-Daze.

2010-04-08T16:31:00.000-07:00

I have been so busy today, that I can't believe it's almost seven thirty. I have been up since eight am, and have not stopped moving since! To begin, my husband and I got up at eight, and he cooked breakfast for the family. We all sat down and enjoyed pancakes, toast, and eggs as a family. (Plus, it was only 6 points and way more filling than my usual fiber one.)

Around nine, we began getting ready to go. We had to run to his work, get his check, cash his check, and get to the eye doctor place by eleven. That also included the time it took both of us to get dressed, and ready. Plus, we then had to get Emma changed, dressed, and ready to go. By the time we got his paycheck it was 10:30. We got to the eye doctors at eleven on the nose. From there on out, it took half an hour for us to fill out paper work.

We waited for a good 45 minutes before the doctor came out to get my husband. He decided at the last minute to go for contact lenses even though he has had glasses for the past twelve years. His appointment took over an hour, because it took the doctor more than twenty minutes to get contacts into his eyes. They are very small and squinty, which made it hard on the doctor. After his appointment was over, it was my turn. Meanwhile, Emma is just sitting there quiet as a mouse the entire time! I was so proud of her. Nonetheless, my appointment took less than half an hour. The eye doctor commented on my *huge* eyes, and how easy it was to get my lenses in. We got the right lens in problem free, but the left lens didn't want to center. About five minutes later, we had both lenses in and working fine.

Little did I know that the doctor had to numb and dilate my eye. He was even more chatty than I am, which I thought was impossible. He just sat there and asked me all these questions about Iowa. I was asked if my daddy was a farmer. I was asked if everyone there was Catholic. I was asked how much corn we sell to the rest of the world. Well, honestly just about any cliche question you can think of about the midwest came from this mans mouth. Suddenly, the bright lights were hurting me and he says, "Oh, that's just the dilation. It will go away in forty minutes or so." Well...I had no idea he even dilated my eyes. But, okay!

We wound up spending THREE hours at the eye doctor today. After we left it was past lunch time and my husband wanted to stop to get something to eat. I kept arguing against him, but he said I just should use my weekly points and it would be a 'celebratory' purpose. So, I gave in and agreed. We went to taco johns and got small potato ole's, a diet pepsi, and a chicken grilled burrito. The entire meal totaled 24 points. OH. MY. GOD. I only get 29 a day. I am already at -1 and I haven't even had supper yet. I feel horrible, bloated, and I have an upset stomach. I haven't eaten fast food with the exception of subway in weeks. WEEKS! My stomach is very upset with me right now for that decision, but I'm crossing my fingers that I don't gain too much. I'm going to have to do an ass kicking workout tonight and tomorrow.

Unfortunately for me, it rained and stormed ALL day. I didn't get to go outside to do my run for the 2nd day in a row, but I will try to do the elliptical tonight. Right now I have a horrible "new prescription" migraine, so I want to just lie down and sleep. It doesn't help that it did NOT take 40 minutes for my eyes to return to normal size, but rather FOUR HOURS. Pitfall of having huge eyes I imagine.

So after we ran all those errands, we put the baby down for a nap. The hubby and I laid in bed with our eyes closed and ended up falling asleep for an hour ourselves. We got up, got dressed, and went right back out. This time we drove half an hour to a gamestop so my husband could get a new mic/headset. I know that sounds silly, but it will save my sanity because its stereo headphones with a built in mic. That means I no longer have to hear things exploding, or him screaming at the top of his lungs *over* things exploding. Thank goodness for that! While we were there, I made him take me to the walmart across the street. I ended up getting some new makeup. Now that you can see my eyes again, I thought I might wear more makeup again. And I got my daughter a spout cover.

A few days ago, she stood up in the bathtub. She drug her back against the tub spout and got about a 4 inch gash across her back. She screamed for a good twenty minutes while we were trying to doctor her up. This spout is shaped like an octopus, and was only eight dollars. Then I just got a few little knick knacks here and there, and we drove another half an hour home. I am just now resting my feet today, for the first time since 8 am, minus our one hour nap.

Hopefully, I start to feel better soon so I can workout. But my day has been so busy that my head is nearly spinning.

Peace, Love, and Caterpillars.
Sarah V.

It hurts so good...

2010-04-07T18:59:00.000-07:00

Today was crazy! I decided to do a 20 minute workout on my elliptical. Sadly, that was only 1 activity point even though I was sweating my ass off, because of my weight range. I burned 170 calories though, which isn't bad for 20 minutes.

So, after I finished my elliptical and saw it was only 1 activity point, I was kinda bummed. I decided to take that opportunity to go for a run/walk/jog. I live on a very hilly road, (Is hilly a word?) and while its easy to run on a flat surface, It's hard to run on hills. I don't mind the upward run as much as the downward one. Is that weird? I am afraid I will fall forward and bust my face while I'm running downhill. It's like I can't slow down or control my pace. I wasn't too smart about my first run, because I started it full force. By the end of the street, I just couldn't run anymore. So, I walk/jogged lightly the rest of the way back home. That counted for 2 whopping points. Unfortunately, I experienced "burny lung" horribly.

On a happier note, I rediscovered the love I once had for running. I was on the track team for a few years in high school, and I wasn't half bad. I even did hurdles! They said my height helped with them, but I bet I couldn't do them now without getting scared and falling down into the fetal position. Haha. No, but seriously, it was amazing to feel the wind hit my face while I ran. I am going to walk, jog, and try to condition my body so that I can take it a little slower next time and enjoy myself. Oh, and in case you were wondering how I managed to go outside without being paralyzed with fear from my anxiety...well, my husband gave me his serrated pocket knife to carry. I felt much better with a knife in my hand, but I imagine I looked pretty crazy running down the street with a cell phone and pocket knife in my hand. (Note to self: Invest in workout pants with pockets.)

I'm not going to lie to you guys. I overdid it today. I was so depressed and disappointed that I didn't work out yesterday, I tried to make up for it today. I did 20 minutes on my elliptical and I was pissed at myself for not making it 30 minutes. When I got back in the house from my run, my face was tomato red. I took a COLD shower, got out, and STILL had a red face. It lasted for over half an hour. That's how hard I pushed myself. I also almost threw up. Tomorrow, I'm definitely scaling back. I just got this burst of angry energy today, and I should have channeled it into Jillian or something more productive. I'm glad I got in a workout today though.

My 3 activity points made up for the points I went over today. I was using my weeklies and trying not to feel guilty about it, but I honestly CAN NOT use them without feeling horrible. I don't know what it is, but after last weeks 1/2 lb "gain" while I was on my period, I nearly cried. I'm so afraid of that happening again this week. I know I need to buck up and deal with it. It was only one bad week, and I know that those happen to everyone. I just wasn't expecting it so soon. I keep telling myself I'm new to this so I should expect to slip up, but I am the type of person who just gets frustrated if I don't know how to do something right off the bat. I guess thats the control freak/OCD portion of me? I also hate it when I'm learning something and people tell me what to do. I have to see it for myself and imitate it most of the time. I think that's why I like Jillian and Your Shape for Wii. They show me what to do, instead of barking orders at me. I have only gone over ONE point today, and I have over 20 points left to use in the next 3 days. I doubt I will use them. *Sigh.* I need to work on that. Right? Right.

Here are some fun pictures of me after my workout. And Hey, If you look sexy after your workout.......you're not doing it right! :)

Now someone please tell me how attractive I look! This is probably close to ten minutes or more after my run. I was still that red faced! Hey, red faces make my eyes pop a little. Oh speaking of eyes, I am getting contacts tomorrow (if my astigmatism allows) so you will all see me looking exactly the same. Because, obviously I never wear my glasses for you guys. Well, here....this is me in my icky glasses. (Taken today)

And here is me without. :) So much better. So I'm excited for that. Mostly because, well...honestly my eyes are my favorite feature (even more so after Quinns blog) and I hate that they're hidden behind glasses.

Peace, Love, and Red Faces.
Sarah V.

Eating Habits..

2010-04-07T05:57:00.000-07:00

I read a few articles this morning about eating habits. While they're not near as fun as my normal blogging, I thought it offered some valid points. I am sharing them with you, and I will probably blog more this evening. 9 a.m. blogs usually make no sense anyways.

Here is a list of bad eating habits that I borrowed from Belly Bytes. I thought it was a rather interesting read.

Binging: (I'm guilty of this.)
When foods are low in fiber and high in sugar or salt and partially hydrogenated trans fats the tendency is to over-consume. When eating five to six small meals a day of high fibered fresh fruit, vegetables, whole grains, legumes, seeds and nuts, the result is burning more calories and storing less fat because your body's thermal effect is raised more frequently. Binging on refined processed foods is probably the greatest cause of obesity in America.
Starving Yourself: (I've been known to do this...)
Before and after binging comes starvation. Skip breakfast and your body has been "starving" for 12 to 18 hours resulting in over-eating again and causing your body to store much of the food as fat, as it can not burn it all for energy.
Not Knowing What You Eat: (Weight Watchers is teaching me how to pay attention to this!)
Most people do not pay much attention to how many low fiber calories and how much bad fat they consume daily, especially if they eat often in restaurants. Those excess calories get stored as fat.
Sugar, White Flour, Caffeine and Simple Carbohydrates: (This is depressing...)
Sugar raises blood sugar (glucose) levels, causing your body to produce insulin and changes your metabolic rate. Those who eat a lot of white flour and sugar products, loaded with empty calories, will store more fat and have a harder time burning it. Caffeine also raises the insulin levels, slowing down the fat burning process that starts in the morning and slows down throughout the day. Eating simple sugar carbohydrates late in the day promotes fat storage and blood sugar swings. Eating high fiber
whole foods as a late night snack can help maintain a steady blood sugar level to give your body deep rest.
Skipping Breakfast: (I did this every day for five years...bad idea.)
Bet you thought your stomach tells you when you are full. It is actually your brain that signals your body it has had enough food, taking about 20 minutes from the time you begin eating. By eating chewy foods in a relaxed manner, you will be much less likely to overeat.
Lack of Exercise: (Hey, I'm actually moving my ass now!)
Our bodies were made to move so the less you feel like going for a walk, the better you will feel after going for a walk! Exercise increases our metabolism to help burn the food we eat as energy.
Not Drinking Enough Water: (I have always hated water, but now that I dirnk my 64+oz a day I feel better and like it more. Curses!)
Water is crucial for your brain cells and every organ in your body (including your skin) to work properly. For your body to burn fat, it needs at least eight glasses of pure water daily. Water not only satisfies your thirst, it reduces hunger and flushes out toxins. Liquids such as soda and coffee actually deplete your body of water. Do drink your water - it makes your whole body feel good! See Why Water?

And now, we have 10 tips to healthier eating brought to you by realtime.net.

Eat a variety of nutrient-rich foods. You need more than 40 different nutrients for good health, and no single food supplies them all. Your daily food selection should include bread and other whole-grain products; fruits; vegetables; dairy products; and meat, poultry, fish and other protein foods. How much you should eat depends on your calorie needs. Use the Food Guide Pyramid and the Nutrition Facts panel on food labels as handy references.
Enjoy plenty of whole grains, fruits and vegetables. Surveys show most Americans don't eat enough of these foods. Do you eat 6-11 servings from the bread, rice, cereal and pasta group, 3 of which should be whole grains? Do you eat 2-4 servings of fruit and 3-5 servings of vegetables? If you don't enjoy some of these at first, give them another chance. Look through cookbooks for tasty ways to prepare unfamiliar foods.
Maintain a healthy weight. The weight that's right for you depends on many factors including your sex, height, age and heredity. Excess body fat increases your chances for high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, diabetes, some types of cancer and other illnesses. But being too thin can increase your risk for osteoporosis, menstrual irregularities and other health problems. If you're constantly losing and regaining weight, a registered dietitian can help you develop sensible eating habits for successful weight management. Regular exercise is also important to maintaining a healthy weight.
Eat moderate portions. If you keep portion sizes reasonable, it's easier to eat the foods you want and stay healthy. Did you know the recommended serving of cooked meat is 3 ounces, similar in size to a deck of playing cards? A medium piece of fruit is 1 serving and a cup of pasta equals 2 servings. A pint of ice cream contains 4 servings. Refer to the Food Guide Pyramid for information on recommended serving sizes.
Eat regular meals. Skipping meals can lead to out-of-control hunger, often resulting in overeating. When you're very hungry, it's also tempting to forget about good nutrition. Snacking between meals can help curb hunger, but don't eat so much that your snack becomes an entire meal.
Reduce, don't eliminate certain foods. Most people eat for pleasure as well as nutrition. If your favorite foods are high in fat, salt or sugar, the key is moderating how much of these foods you eat and how often you eat them.
Identify major sources of these ingredients in your diet and make changes, if necessary. Adults who eat high-fat meats or whole-milk dairy products at every meal are probably eating too much fat. Use the Nutrition Facts panel on the food label to help balance your choices.
Choosing skim or low-fat dairy products and lean cuts of meat such as flank steak and beef round can reduce fat intake significantly.
If you love fried chicken, however, you don't have to give it up. Just eat it less often. When dining out, share it with a friend, ask for a take-home bag or a smaller portion.
Balance your food choices over time. Not every food has to be "perfect." When eating a food high in fat, salt or sugar, select other foods that are low in these ingredients. If you miss out on any food group one day, make up for it the next. Your food choices over several days should fit together into a healthy pattern.
Know your diet pitfalls. To improve your eating habits, you first have to know what's wrong with them. Write down everything you eat for three days. Then check your list according to the rest of these tips. Do you add a lot of butter, creamy sauces or salad dressings? Rather than eliminating these foods, just cut back your portions. Are you getting enough fruits and vegetables? If not, you may be missing out on vital nutrients.
Make changes gradually. Just as there are no "superfoods" or easy answers to a healthy diet, don't expect to totally revamp your eating habits overnight. Changing too much, too fast can get in the way of success. Begin to remedy excesses or deficiencies with modest changes that can add up to positive, lifelong eating habits. For instance, if you don't like the taste of skim milk, try low-fat. Eventually you may find you like skim, too.
Remember, foods are not good or bad. Select foods based on your total eating patterns, not whether any individual food is "good" or "bad." Don't feel guilty if you love foods such as apple pie, potato chips, candy bars or ice cream. Eat them in moderation, and choose other foods to provide the balance and variety that are vital to good health.

Peace, Love, and Turtles. (Why turtles? ...Why not?)
Sarah V.

Changes.

2010-04-06T07:40:00.000-07:00

I stood in front of the mirror today, and I noticed a few changes in my body. I intentionally put on a short gray shirt so that you could easily see the outline of my body. I wasn't going to lie to myself this time. I wasn't going to put on another shirt that went past my hip, to try and hide my belly. Nope, not today.

I stood on the scale at home which read 196. I put 16 pounds of weights on it last night to see if it registered accurately. It did. I'm not going to put too much stock into that number because I know my weigh in at weight watchers isn't for another 4 days, and I know that our scales aren't all created equal. I did smile when I saw the numbers though, and I will not lie about that. For once, when I step on the scale it isn't teetering on the edge of 200.

Before I had my daughter, I weighed 195 pounds. I always had curves, and hated them. I wanted to be a stick. I wanted someone to look me up and down, and see nothing but a straight line. I wanted smaller boobs, a smaller waist, and non existent hips. The hips that poke people when they touch you. Luckily, I'm not that girl anymore. I am learning to embrace my curves. I'm trying to find a way to love them, instead of hate them. So far, I'm doing a pretty good job. I'm dealing with the fact that my daughter made my boobs even bigger than they were before. I'm dealing with the fact that she also pried my hips open on the day she was born. My waist is down a lot from when I first started this journey, and that's the first thing I've noticed. Since January I have lost around 4-5 inches off my waist. That's huge for me. Now, I am trying to get my hips to be a little curvier, and a little less pudgy. Wish me luck on all of that!

As for today. Well, I'm proud today. I'm proud that I'm sticking to my guns. I'm proud that I'm continuing on my journey with weight watchers, and trying my best not to give in to the Easter Candy. I am trying to replace cookies and chocolates, with w.w. pretzel thins, yogurts, and bananas. I am trying my best, and it's starting to show. I am also excited to say, that I have not put on a pair of "mom jeans" in over a week. That's right, this week all of my pants have sat at hip level! This is a huge accomplishment for me. I always hid behind my mom jeans before.

I feel like, I am seeing myself for the first time. I think that every time I look in the mirror, I am seeing my honest to god self. I am no longer seeing the fat girl. I am no longer fighting to hide behind long baggy shirts, mom jeans, and black overalls. Okay, I never wore black overalls but you get the idea. I am proud to look in the mirror and be happy with what I see. No, I'm not at my goal weight, and I don't even care. Imagine how happy I'll be to get there, when I'm already so excited to be just a few pounds thinner. I am doing this for me. I am doing this the right way. I'm not taking diet pills (like my husband) or cheating on plan. I am getting my ass up and moving, even if its just a 30 minute walk a day. My booty is on the couch less, the computer less, and spending more time running around with my daughter. I chase her around the house, we play outside, I take her for walks, we go to the park. I do whatever I can to get in a little movement. I will be starting Jillian up again soon, but honestly I don't know when.

So today, I feel like a brand new person. Today, I notice the changes that I'm making are actually working. Today, my stomach will growl to tell me I'm hungry, and I will eat a healthy snack. Can I do this for the rest of my life? God I hope so.

Here are a few recent progress pictures.

I'm not particularly fond of the little bit of hip that sits on top of my jeans, but

I'd like to believe I've come a long way. My waist is currently down

one whole inch since starting w.w. and my belly is down 1/2 inch.

:-)

Peace, Love, and Grocery Day

Sarah V.

Things I Love...Monday?

2010-04-05T12:34:00.000-07:00

Friday I got so busy doing other things that I forgot about "things I love Fridays." So, I'm making it a Monday occurrence today. Which, after the day that a few of us are having (hugs Quinn) seems to be a good idea anyways.

Todays "Thing I Love" is YOUTUBE!

Youtube is a fun service that offers me hours and hours of boredom killing. I love to look up music videos, new bands, and more importantly funny youtubers. My favorite 2 youtubers are Shane Dawson and DaveDays. You probably won't think any of this is funny, because I have a quirky sense of humor, but have a look anyways.

This is Dave Days. He made a series of 9 videos parodying Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus. After 2 years, she agreed to be in one of his videos. I think this song is funny.

And this is my favorite youtuber Shane Dawson. He is a crude one, but I love his humor.

And YES, the first song IS in Shane Dawsons video. HAH! That makes it doubly awesome.

Inspiration.

2010-04-05T07:02:00.000-07:00

Music is my inspiration. I could never work out in silence. I have to have my husbands ipod or my env touch with me as I'm working out. I need to have a playlist going. I need something to pump me up, and wind me down at the same time. I use music as a motivational tool. I see no harm in turning on the ipod/phone, setting it in the stroller, and taking Emma on a walk to the stop sign and back. I need to figure out how many steps/miles that is, but for now I can tell you it's a half an hour walk. It's also up and down very steep hills, pushing 25 lbs. Hooray! I am thinking of upping the ante and going there and back twice here soon. I will put on my pedometer next time I go and figure out the steps.

My second inspiration is twitter. Yes, twitter. That cell phone thingy. You know what it is, but did you know that you can meet a lot of cool people there? I have met other people doing weight watchers. I have gotten encouragement from strangers on similar weight loss journeys after posting my dilemmas in 140 characters or less. I recently tweeted that I wanted m&m's, and I was fighting not eating them. A few people I had never even met tweeted back that I shouldn't do it! I also have gotten new blog readers by posting my link on twitter. It's actually a fun site once you get going. (My twitters in the side bar if you're interested.)

The third inspiration I have for you is social networking sites. This one was tricky for me. Getting on facebook and openly admitting I was struggling with my weight was a hard thing for me to do. I was always hiding in the corner, watching as other people openly admitted their struggles and successs. It took me a while to get to that point with my journey. I didn't want to get online and admit that I had an issue. I didn't want people to know that while I looked great in pictures from the waist up, there was a pudgy mom belly underneath where that picture stopped. Luckily, my good friend Brooke was so outspoken about her journey, that I decided to take a page from her book. Weight loss is not something I should be ashamed of, it's something I should be proud of. I'm working towards a goal. I'm trying to get to a happier place, and I don't want to hide in the corner secretly dieting to get there. Speaking out has gotten me a LOT of supporters, a lot of new friends, and a lot of help. I encourage you all to do the same. Get a buddy, write a blog, join twitter and tweet your weight loss. Do whatever you have to do, but if you have a crazy amount of help and support, it makes the journey to weight loss a whole lot easier. I also do weight watchers with my husband, which is helpful and hindering at the same time. We lean on each other a lot, so if one of us wants to cave so does the other. Luckily, that hasn't happened yet. He is keeping me in check though. He has been reminding me that since it was Easter weekend, I shouldn't expect to have a perfect weigh in. I hope I lose something though. *Crosses Fingers*

Hmmmm, what else inspires me? I know I'm forgetting something. What is it though? What could I be forgetting? Well, I guess it will come to me later. See ya!

Okay, okay you didn't buy it. Obviously my first and biggest inspiration is you! I just wanted to see how long I could drag it out. If I didn't have such good friends, and such a great 'blog support' system, I would have caved long long ago. You all offer encouraging words when I need them, and remind me that this is a journey that takes time. You all keep me sane. I love and appreciate all of you greatly. (Although I wish you'd comment more so I knew I wasn't writing in vain.) So I hope you are all still reading my blog. I'm still reading yours. And well, if you don't have one--start one! It's like a personal journal to free your thoughts into. I love it. If you create a blog be it here, wordpress, or anywhere else just be sure to link me/add me/follow me. I will do the same for you. I loooooooove reading new blogs. Was that over enthusiastic? Hmm, maybe I just loooove it. That better?

Alright well, here's a fun filled list of my favorite weight loss blogs.
*Quinn*
-Brooke-
~Nathalie~
=JackSh*t=
*Sheryl* (aka bitchcakes)
-Christy-

There are a few others I'm following, but I don't know them really well nor do I have their blog links memorized. If you'd like to check them out, have a peek at who I'm following and you'll see them there!!

If you're feeling artsy you should check out the following blogs:

Bookworm Quinn
Cyanide Sarah (Yes, that'd be me.)
Brooke, I need your link to put here. Lol. I searched but since you moved blogs on us, I am totally lost about where your other link is located now?

Oh and you should always check out deviantart.com when you're feeling especially fun loving and artsy. It's a favorite of mine.

Peace, Love, and Trying not to eat all of my easter candy at once! Arggh
Sarah V.

P.s. I only used 4 weekly points for Easter. GO ME.

Question Mark.

2010-04-03T08:08:00.000-07:00

This blog is not about punctuation. In fact, this blog isn't even related to the question mark. This blog is about the period. So guys, you may want to stop reading now.

Today I had my weigh in. I was fairly disappointed, but I am trying to remain positive. I had a .5lb gain. I am chalking this up to my period. You see, normally I gain 2-3lbs during "that time" of the month, and I was trying really hard to counteract that. I weighed myself yesterday and my scale was nice to me. I weighed myself before I went, and my scale was not so nice. It said I had gained 2lbs since yesterday. I walked for half an hour yesterday, I only used 8 of my 35 points, and I have been eating better. Well, I had been eating better. The last 2 days or so, I gave into my sweet tooth. Damn you reproductive system!

I never went over my points or anything, but the last few days my final 4-6 pts for the day were sweets. A little 6pts of chex mix here, a little 2 pt ice cream there, it added up. Plus, I am bloated to the moon! (*mutters under breath* Stupid...stupid...stupid...reproductive system.) I guess I should be happy that I realized what I was doing, and I'm making an effort to stop. Today for lunch I had a bagel w/fat free cream cheese for 3 pts, and some olive and rosemary crackers I got at todays meeting. Omg they are amazingly delicious and only 2 pts. Plus, I've already had 4 servings of water and its only 11. Woohoo!

I should be proud of myself for only having a .5lb gain when normally its 2-3lbs during my time. I am hoping to come back from it next week with a 2+lb loss. Well, fingers crossed anyways! I am trying to remind myself that I'm new to this lifestyle, and its going to take a while to transition myself. I also learned an important lesson this week. If I buy food while I'm pmsing thinking I will be able to portion it, I'm wrong. It turns out that my trigger foods are mainly just around these 7 days out of the month. Wish me luck and send me skinny vibes for next week. I'll need them.

OH! Before I forget, my arm is all healed up so it's back to the daily grind of working out. Lets hope that helps move this weight loss along.

Peace, Love, and Question marks?
Sarah V.

Dear Scale.

2010-04-02T06:22:00.000-07:00

Dear Scale,

I know you and I have had our differences. You tell me that I'm fat, I look at you in anger and kick you back under the vanity. Every time I walk into the bathroom you call out my name. I was enjoying not having you around for a while, but I just had to know today. So, I dug you out and with a deep deep breath, I stepped on you. I looked, stepped off, and tried again. Same number.

Well, scale I'm beginning to wonder if you're being honest with me. Are you a truthful scale? Is this some game you're playing with my self esteem? Oh scale, I hope that you're being honest with me this time. I hope that number is accurate. I don't want to jinx myself, but I'll find out tomorrow if you're lying! Should I put so much thought into that one number? Well, probably not. But, if that number is accurate it's a big milestone for me. I can't wait until tomorrow scale, I can't wait to find out if you were being honest and truthful. I can't wait to see if you are being nice to me again, or if this is a sick joke. So scale, I hope for your sake that you're correct, or it's curtains for you. You hear me? CURTAINS.

Sincerely,
The girl who steps on your face every morning.

Something Amazing Happened...

2010-04-01T10:38:00.000-07:00

For the first time in forever today I threw on a pair of jeans that sit on my hip, and not over my belly button. I was in the process of washing my 'mom jeans' so I figured no one would see me in them around the house anyways. I grabbed a shirt to throw on, and looked at myself in the mirror. That's when it happened...

I was happy! I was happy about the way I looked. I was HAPPY to have pants sitting where they belonged instead of waist high. I was happy to see myself in the mirror looking the way I did. It felt like it was the first time I'd seen myself in a long time. I stood there happily voguing for the mirror, the camera, and myself. I had just gotten out of bed, and my hair was still a mess. Guess what, I didn't care! I wanted to run through the house jumping. Sooooo, being the skeptic that I am I stepped on the scale...(HELLO APRIL!)

197 pounds, are you freaking kidding me? Three months ago I weighed almost 210! How did I get to this point? Could it have been the dieting and exercising? Well, now thats just silly. I mean, if losing weight were as easy as long term diet and exercise regimens then why hasn't anyone ever told me that befo--oh WAIT, I've heard that all my life. (It's too hard, It hurts, I don't wanna.) Yeah, well guess what body. we kicked that mentality right in the ass, and its getting us back to a happier place! Sure, my hips are always going to be bigger and pop out a little more, but my waist is looking a little sexier to me. Yeah, that's right I said it. I'm a curvy girl. So what? My top and bottom pretty much level out, so I am enjoying this look. I can't wait to see what I weigh in at on Saturday. My hopes are not high, I'm just praying that the scale isn't playing a mean trick on me. I will be happy with a 1 lb loss, but i'm secretly hoping for 3 again. (Sits back and drinks 80 calorie chicken soup at hand.)

So even though I look terrible from having just got out of bed, I don't care. I will show you some of my morning photos. I'm by no means a "skinny minny" but I've come a long way from 262 pounds. Here's a reminder of what I looked like then...

Before: 262 pounds (size 18/20)

And now get ready for the after. I am so proud of how far I've come, and I'm actually EXCITED to keep going further! I am TWO fricking pounds from pre-pregnancy weight, and only 27 pounds from goal. I am hoping to reach it in 6 months, but I am realistically giving myself 1 year. I'll take any bets or guesses from you guys. :) hehe.

Outfit 1: Tiny Tank Top

(used as an undershirt, don't worry!)

Outfit number 2: My favorite pink Aeropostale shirt.

And thirdly: My belly shots.

(I advise you look away now if train wreck tummies bother you, lol)

I'll give you some time to exit this page before I show you.

Are you gone yet?

....Still waiting.

I wonder how annoying this must be.

So wait, you WANT to see them?

...But they're gross.

My stomach looks like I was mauled by a tiger.

....Actually, that's just what I like to tell people.

Okay, fine. You can see them, but..

Promise not to point and laugh?

*SIGH* The things I do for you guys.

;)

HEY! I can hear you snickering about my hat. You stop that.

Okay, the hat was an odd choice, but I hadn't even combed my hair yet this morning!

Geez. Cut a girl some slack.

And that was my amazing happening today.

=) Leave some love.

Peace, Love, and Tater Tots?

Sarah V.

Breaking Down.

2010-03-31T19:57:00.000-07:00

This is a blog about mental/physical/emotional health.

Let me tell you a bit of a story. Actually, let me tell you several small random things and classify them as a story. Okay?

When I was eighteen years old I was diagnosed as Bipolar 1. I know that these days the phrase "bipolar" is used to classify someone who is being bitchy, but it's so much more than that. I was medicated for 2 years, and the day I realized I was taking 8 pills (medicine 3x a day, 4tranquelizers, and b/c) a day to live a 'normal' life, I stopped medicating. My therapist, medical management team, and friends all warned me it was a bad idea. I figured If I could live 18 years without knowing about it or being on medication, I could do it again. So, for the past nearly 4 years, I have proudly been medication free. (Although, to be safe my obgyn did prescribe me some medication while I was pregnant because I was at a high risk for postpartum depression.)

I had gotten really well at controlling my episodes. I'd gotten really well at stuffing my feelings down into my stomach as far as I could, and then putting food on top of them. I wasn't feeling particularly proud of my actions, but I knew they were working to keep me sane. Well-I thought they were working.. And then last night happened.

Last night, I had my first bipolar breakdown since August 2008. (When I was 7 months pregnant.) I tried to fight what I knew was coming, but it wasn't happening. I did my best to just let the feelings pass, but I could suddenly feel them building in my chest and throat. It's the hardest feeling in the world to explain to someone, so I won't really try. Just know, that it's a feeling you'd know if you'd ever had the misfortune of dealing with it. I felt like I had swallowed a handful of poison. My heart was racing, my head was spinning, I was breathing rapidly, and suddenly I panicked. I had to get up, I had to pace, I had to walk around the room. I had to make sure the doors were shut, the drawers were shut, I had to. I just had to. My husband asked me what was going on, because he luckily hasn't dealt with many of my episodes.

Something you should know is that I am greatly ashamed of my disorder. Not so much my disorder, as the difficult time I've had controlling it. My mind is taking over my body and making me do things I don't want to do. It's making me feel things I'd rather not feel. Worst of all, during an episode I suddenly crave the very isolation that has been depressing me to begin with.

I wanted to be in a small space so I decided to lay down on the floor between the wall and bed. My husband came over and sat down next to me. I realized that the past years worth of hiding, eating, hiding, eating, hiding, and eating my feelings were coming back to haunt me. I spent the next three hours crying to my husband. I kept my face covered with my hands the entire time, because I didn't want him to see the embarassment on my face. We had been having severe issues lately, and we tried to talk them out for the better part of the evening. (Actually, we were up until 2 am.)

When I felt my episode was wearing off, I just felt like the life had been drained out of me. It's a feeling like the one you get just before you get drunk. Your eyes dart but it feels like slow motion. It's just where everything seems louder, fuzzier, and slower. It's like a buzz without the drugs or alcohol. I hate it. And then, suddenly my body goes numb. I feel like a rock, I weight a thousand pounds, and I can no longer keep my eyes open. I laid down in bed next to my husband as he held me and apologized for not understanding how to help me. He held me close and told me how much he loved me. We drifted off to sleep.

I woke up today feeling horrible. I felt hungover, exhausted, and depressed. My husband realized that I needed some extra TLC and he let me nap for an hour and a half while he took care of the baby. We talked about everything that I had been biting my tongue about, and everything I had been stressing over. We came to the generalization that our marriage will not be able to live up to its full potential until the following things happen:
1. We go back to school
2. I get a job outside of the house (so I can make some friends, and help support us until he gets a full time job.)
3. We have to move away from this town. It sucks the life out of us.
4. We NEED our OWN place. I can no longer take the feelings of his father into consideration, because this arrangement is ruining our marriage. LITERALLY.
5. We need more us time.

With all of those thoughts in mind, we've set a plan in motion. We are planning on going to school online (sigh, how many times have you heard this? it'll happen when we know what town we're goin to live in) and then I'm goin to start looking for work when we get wherever it is we're going. Obviously, number three is covered. So, once we start working, and goin to school we'll set money aside for a down payment. We also discussed spending more time together. You all may or may not have noticed I've been offline more. I have been making an effort to spend more time with my family, and less time online. Sorry guys. That means less blogging, less chatting, but not less working out.

Okay, that's a lie. I haven't worked out this week much. I hurt my arm on Monday and I don't really know what I did. It was fine until Tuesday when I woke up and it suddenly felt like I destroyed my entire body. I wince in pain when I'm lifting my daughter, but I've been taking excedrin hoping that it will help. (It does briefly.)So today, as a compromise my husband took me to the mall for 2 hours, and we went to the park for an hour with the baby. That's 3 hours of slow paced walking. I just figure it's better than nothing. Tomorrow I will do my elliptical, and I'm really thinking about taking up running once I hit 185! We'll see.

I know this blog is random and unexpected, but the point is that I have to worry about taking care of myself first. I need to be mentally fit, as well as physically. It's taxing for anyone to think about weight loss all the time, but on top of that I live with my father in law, I am without a job, without a degree, without a car, and fully dependent on my husband. We are trying to fix all of those situations as they come, but its really difficult. I wish I could just work out to forget everything that was happening in my life, but it doesn't work that way. I am the sole care taker of my daughter 75% of the day. That means I can't just throw her in her room and go downstairs for 30 minutes. I can't work out during naptime, because the walls are so thin she can hear us. I have to improvise and do what I can, when I can.

For a while, I will be concentrating more on my mental and emotional well being. I will still be doing weight watchers, and taking care of myself in that aspect, but I can't work out as much as I'd like right now. I will try to get back on track next week, for now.......I need a break. Plus, what kind of mommy would I be if I were always tired and crabby and a little bit crazy??

And hey, you learned something new about me today. (well, most of you!) So, hopefully everything will work out and I won't have another crazy spell anytime soon. I hate them, and they make me feel icky. So, for now

HAPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPY THOUGHTS PEOPLE!

Peace, Love, and Subway Sandwiches
<3 Sarah V. <3

Video Time...

2010-03-30T09:38:00.000-07:00

Ignore my lazy eye. This is what mommys with little to no sleep look like.......
Also, I'm crazy. I hope you've figured that out by now?

The Mondays.

2010-03-29T08:31:00.000-07:00

I have another case of the Mondays. It's rainy outside for the hundredth (4th) time this week, and I'm getting thoroughly annoyed by it. I'm usually okay with spring and summer rains. I like warm rain, happy rain, rain that smells good, refreshing rains, and so fourth. I'm not lucky enough to have that nice rain. Oh no, I have freezing rain, that makes everything wet, cold, slippery, and frozen. We had to use our ice scraper yesterday to get the rain and frost off the car. Boo! Mr. Sunshine, where are you?

In happier news, we are getting ready to go to Wal-mart and/or K-mart to get Emma's Easter goodies. I have no idea what to get for her this year, but we'll figure it out when we get there. I want to get her some tadoodles crayons, and let her draw in her high chair. Lately she's been scribbling with regular crayons, so I think she's probably ready for them. She just has trouble holding regular crayons yet. So, we'll see if they have any left. She has just gotten an entire seasons worth of clothes, and 3 new pairs of shoes too! I doubt she'll get a lot this year. I'm going to put my pedometer on when we head out the door. I usually spend a few hours shopping, and driving Andrew insane. I wonder how far we'll walk. My hubby has been wearing his every day. It turns out he walks about 10,000 steps just at work alone, when he's not cashiering. Yay hubby! <3

After I got out of the shower this morning, I threw my mom jeans in the hamper and raided the closet. I put on some non-mom jeans and a purple tshirt. I feel so unbelievably naked, and I feel like I look horrible. I'm trying to push those thoughts from my head but its unbelievably difficult. I have spent almost 2 years hiding my stomach, so my mind has to catch up with my body. I don't look great, but I look better. I have noticed that I complain a lot less about my weight now that I'm actually doing something about it. So, that's a plus! If it's cold I might throw on a sweatshirt anyways...but, I'm trying extra hard not to. Baby steps here people, baby steps. I'm not ready to show my body in normal clothes. I just want to hop into a body hiding outfit, and run off. Hell, I'd probably go out in a snuggie because its baggy enough to hide my body. Well, two snuggies..gotta keep that back side covered.

Luckily, I'm still doing really well on plan. I managed to get in all my points yesterday, and end the day with one girl scout cookie. The day before I had 4 pts left. Its hard to get everything in sometimes. Today when I got up, I was exhausted and it was late morning. Emma woke me up at 545 and I had to sleep on the couch with her on my chest. It was awkward, random, uncomfy sleep for a while. We got up at 9 this morning, which was late for us. After my shower I decided that it was too late for a huge breakfast so I had a cup of milk, strawberry banana yogurt, and a banana on the side. Yes, banana yogurt WITH a banana. I'm weird like that I suppose. It was mighty tasty. Plus it was only 5 pts! Im making seasoned pork chops for dinner with mashed potatos and green beans, so I have to save up some points today!

Well, my daughter is running around getting into everything so I'd better get off here. I have to go fix my hair before we leave anyways. I will keep you all updated on relevant things as they occur. This blog was absolutely about nothing. Oh, and if you haven't seen it yet, and enjoy Niel Patrick Harris....well then, you better watch Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog. It was awesome.

Peace, Love, and Crazy Random Happenstances
Sarah V.

P.s. I talked another friend into doing Jillian, and she loves it. Thanks Quinn!

Exhaustion...

2010-03-28T07:15:00.000-07:00

I woke up at eight am this morning. I don't know why, but I was completely and utterly exhausted. Okay, that's not entirely true. I know why. I have a horrible habit of staying up late to watch movies on Saturday nights. You see, my husband works overnights on Saturdays. So, that's the one night I get to stay up late, watch chick flicks, and enjoy my alone time. He absolutely REFUSES to watch movies with me, so that's why I watch them while he's not home! Well, last night I ended up wathing movies until two am. Whoops. The worst part is that it was a movie I'd seen numerous times, and it wasn't even interesting. I just picked a movie I figured I'd fall asleep to without caring. (Damn you Freddie Prinze Jr. for keeping my attention!)

So, after going to bed at two, I wake up to a crying baby at three. I let her cry herself back to sleep for a bit, because I've learned from experience if I don't, then it just gets twice as hard to lay her back down. So, I was up again until 3:30 making sure she went back to bed. By the time eight a.m. rolled around, I was exhausted. I ended up laying down on the couch and sleeping until 8:45 while Emma played. I finally got up around 9 to feed myself and Emma. She is really fussy today from waking up so much last night, and I may nap while she naps.

The point of all this, is that I'm paying the price today. I had been feeling great lately. Going to bed around eleven, and getting up at eight wasn't bothering me. I actually had energy to burn! I have eaten my food regularly, but I forgot to finish my last 4pts last night. Then staying up all night really effed up my bodies usual routine. I have taken my vitamin, and I've eaten breakfast trying to get my body to wake up. It hasn't, and now I have one of those headaches you get when you are up all night tossing and turning. I am grumpy, cranky, crabby, whatever you want to call it. I'm just pissy today.

I'm tired of this rainy weather, I want to get outside. I want my damn car fixed so I can drive my daughter to the park and walk the track. I want to find a job, and get back into school. I want to have a life again outside of this house. I can't even workout because my husband will sleep until 5 today, my father in law is hiding in HIS room, and my daughter is running around like a chicken with her head cut off. Today is one of those days I really want to say to hell with it, and quit. I want to sit on the couch, grab a Dr. Pepper, a bag of potato chips, veg out and stare at the t.v. Luckily, I won't do that. I forced myself to get up, get my tracker, measure my food, and enjoy it. I'm glad I did that, because I could have easily fallen off the band wagon, but I didn't. So, instead...I'm going to sit on the couch in my hot pink robe, watch tv, and veg without the food. Is that possible? I don't know, but I'm doing it.

Peace, Love, and Pink Robes
Sarah V.

My First Week On Plan....

2010-03-27T07:38:00.000-07:00

**I'm So Excited!!**

Today was my first official weigh in on plan. Well, minus the initial "this is how much you weigh" meeting. I mean, Today was my first weigh in since starting the actual plan. I was amazed at how well I did. I lost 3.5 pounds in 7 days. Considering that I went over my points three times this week, I was pretty shocked. I honestly didn't think I'd lost anything!! My pants are FALLING OFF. If I can keep up a 1-2 lb loss weekly, I might be in my pre-baby jeans again by the summer. Plus, I did 8 points worth of working out this week too. I'm sure that helped! I even lost an inch in my 40DDD's. Lol! My bra is loose and rubbing me weirdly now
but hey, maybe i'll get back down into the double d's again. Woohoo!

We spent the majority of the week estimating how much our meat was. We didn't have a scale to weigh our food, so we just eyeballed it. We must have been doing better than we realized to have done such a good job. We did go ahead and buy a $15 food scale today. Andrew wanted to get the electric scale, but honestly, we can't afford $50 on a food scale at the moment. It's hard enough spending $85 a month for W.W. alone. So far though, it's worth it. Today we are going out for a celebratory lunch at Applebees. They have a w.w. menu for anyone who wasn't aware of that. Hooray celebration!

Oh and for anybody who may be keeping track, I'm back UNDER 200 again. Thank god. At today's weigh in I was 198.5. I came home and got on MY scale just to see if it was accurate, and what do you know-IT WASNT. All those times I was beating myself up, it wasn't even the right weight. I even tried to weigh the baby and her weight was off. Its a digital scale so I have no idea how to calibrate it. My scale told me this morning that I weighed over a pound more than the weight watchers scale said. Maybe I should save up for a weight watchers scale? Right now, I'm just going to continue ignoring my scale. Obviously, it's a big fat liar anyways! How can I ever trust it again?

Also, as many of you know my husband joined weight watchers with me. He beat me in weight loss this week, with a FIVE AND A HALF pound loss. He hasn't done a single bit of exercise, and I have worked my butt off. (Moderately.) That just goes to show that our bodies work differently. I am so stoked now. I keep thinking about the day the scale reads 195 (PRE BABY WEIGHT IS ONLY THREE LBS AWAY!) And then.....190.........185........180........and so forth. I still havent officially decided on my 'goal weight.' I'm not sure how thin is too thin for me. Maybe you could help me with that?

I'm 5'11
198 lbs
and my "beginning measurements" when I started plan were
42
33
42.

Yes, I am an hourglass shape. All the time I've been working out I see so much weight disappearing from my waist, and no where else. Its making me feel like I've got giant hips now, but I'm okay with that. Honestly, I've always had giant hips. They recommend that the highest weight for my height is 179. I looked really healthy and skinny at 185. That is still technically over my bmi. I thought about 165, but that might be TOO thin for me. I might just aim for 180 for now, and re-evaluate as I watch my body change.

Thank you guys all so much for being here with me through this. I don't know how many of you read this anymore because the comments have been few and far between (except Quinns *cough slackers cough* jk.) So I hope you are all still reading. I couldn't do this without you. I couldn't feel as supported as I do if it weren't for you guys, my readers, my friends. Your words encourage me to keep going. Your blogs motivate me to get off my ass, and get moving. (If you can workout while home alone with your kids, why can't I? If you can manage to get up and go for a walk even though you don't want to, why can't I?) Thank you guys for being so supportive of all that I do.

Peace, Love, and Baggy Pants
Sarah V.

Things You Love Friday!

2010-03-26T16:51:00.000-07:00

I almost forgot that it was Friday. Okay, I lied. I did forget it was Friday. When you're a s.a.h.m. all the days blend together. Anyways, I almost didn't remember to post my things you love friday blog, until I saw Quinn had posted hers.

Todays thing I love is:
**Springtime**

I have a slight obsession with the scent of springtime. You step outside, and take a deep breath...suddenly your mind triggers back to a million memories from your youth. You smile for a moment, take it all in, and open your eyes. Yep, it's springtime. Flowers are blooming, it's warming up, you can put away those pesky winter coats. I love it. I love summer even more, but only because I love to swim! The only downfall of Spring is the eternal rain. I don't mind rain on occasion, and I even like it sometimes. Lately its been non stop. Please give me back a warm spring day so that I can rush outside again to enjoy it.

This has been your random blog posting on things I love

Brought to you by the number 11
Sarah V.

The Best and Worst...

2010-03-26T13:00:00.000-07:00

Well, since this was my first week ever on weight watchers I decided to give you all a little taste of how things went. I am going to post my BEST and WORST days this week for points. Maybe you'll get an idea of how I eat, what I eat, and why I need to change how and what I eat.

The worst day was day 1. My father in law took us to Cracker Barrel. We TRIED to eat sensibly, and failed miserably. Let's recap.

WORST DAY
I start each day with 30 points. So, follow along.
Breakfast:
Smoothie=1pt
Banana=1pt

Lunch:
6 inch sub w/lettuce, light mayo, black olives=9 pts

Cracker barrel: mid-afternoon (my father in law insisted on taking us out to eat to celebrate our joining w.w. even though we had each already had a sub 3 hours prior. This "lunch" took place at around 3 pm)
fish 3 oz=3 pts
green beans=1pt
hasbrown casserole=4 pts
mashed potatos w/gravy=6pts
1 Corn bread muffin=4 pts
Butter=1pt
Hot fudge sundae/1 cup=4pts

This is 30pts gone by 3 pm.
I am now at -4 pts

6 pm=Orange Juice=1 pt
8 pm=F.I.L bring home chocolate easter egg=2pts

So this was my 'worst' day on the weight watchers plan. I went -7 points over.
(we get 35 weekly points, but for the amount of food I ate this day, and how early I had used up all my points, it was a big fail.)

This is my BEST day on the weight watchers plan:

Breakfast:
Orange juice=2pts
Bagel w/cream cheese=4pts
yogurt=1pt

Lunch:
Smartone pizza anytizers=5pts
1c. milk=3pts

Supper:
Chicken tender=4pts
Peas=1pt
Potatos=2pt

Before bed snack:
Bagel w/cream cheese=4 pts
2 Tag along cookies=4pts

This gave me exactly 30 points. I did not go over, yay! I got 3 out of 5 servings of veggies, all of my liquid/water, 1 out of three milks, my whole grains, and my gummy multi vitamin all in on that day.

I have also used eight of my activity points and I have 16 weekly "bonus" points remaining until tomorrow. However, I don't want to binge tonight and undo a whole week of work by eating those "bonus" points. I may in fact, use a few tonight on a root beer (long story) and the rest will be lost forever in a dark abyss.

So lets hope for a weight loss tomorrow. I will be happy with ANY weight loss at all. One pound? One half pound? Two pounds? My belt has been a whole notch tighter these past 2 days, as has my husbands. He is wishing for a 5 lb loss, but I'm thinking he may be at 2. Wish us luck.

Peace, Love, and Bagels
Sarah V.

So many blogs, so little time...

2010-03-25T15:29:00.000-07:00

This is what happens when I blog first thing in the morning. By the end of the day, I have more to write!! I just wanted to let everyone know that after a busy day filled with rain, I still managed to get in my Jillian! It wasn't looking promising after the grocery store, hanging out with friends, giving the baby a nap, etc. Luckily, my husband agreed to take the baby into her room for 20 minutes while I did my workout. He makes fun of me saying it sounds like I'm stomping around all over the place, but hey-its cardio! You have to jump.

I'm really proud of myself for having gotten my workout in, when I could have (and almost did) easily forget about it. Plus, today is one of those lazy dreary days we all dread, so at 9 am I put chicken in the crock pot to make pulled chicken for dinner tonight. Yummo. I'm excited that I don't have to slave over a hot stove tonight. So hooray for that!! I'd also like to let you all know that I still haven't weighed in. I will probably cave on that one after my meeting Saturday. Andrew says I should only weight at the meetings because my scale and the W.w. scale will never be the same anyways. He's probably right. Let's just say, I'm a work in progress...

Only two more days until my first weigh in. I'm so nervous. I'm being really negative about it, and I'm disappointed in myself over it. I'm about to enter that one week a month every woman dreads, and I'm afraid that will mess with the scale too. I bloat so badly. :( (Tmi?) Anyways, my husband told me I already look thinner, and I hope so. I have worked out for about an hour this week, which doesn't sound like much but when you add in all of the baby chasing, random dancing (heyyy icarly) and other little things I do it's probably more. Next week I am going to try to get in 20 minutes a day of any type of workout. I don't want to set myself to a specific schedule because things change. So, lets hope that I can just get in my activity points.

Right now, it's dinner time and I'm OH so sweaty. I need to hop in the shower, serve dinner, track points, bathe infant, put her to bed, and then have a little sweet, sweet, sweet down time. OH, and maybe a banana.

Peace, Love, and Death by Jillian
Sarah V.

Encouragement

2010-03-25T06:28:00.000-07:00

Last night I was on webcam with my good friend Quinn, and she told me she could tell I looked thinner. She is the FIRST person to tell me that. I don't go anywhere or know anyone in my town, so it's just the hubby and I. His father in law is so oblivious he didnt even notice when I cut off all my hair last time. He just thought it was
"parted differently."

When she told me she could tell I looked thinner, I looked down at my webcam. I never believe it when anyone tells me I look better, because the progress is so slow that I don't notice it myself. That's another reason I take so many pictures, and measurements. So, as I was saying..
I looked down at my webcam and asked myself:
Are you sucking in? -No.
Are you trying to hide yourself with angles? -No.
Are you blending into the background? -No.
Are we sure she had a clear, accurate view of you? -Yes.

So there you have it, the four questions I tried to honestly ask myself. I know they sound silly, but a lot of the time I self sabotage myself without ever really knowing or understanding why. I think its the mentality that if i am doing it to myself then I don't have to own up to the fact that I'm not doing as good of a job as I would like. Sure, I can just decide to quit at any given time, but I choose not to. Last night was the first time in a long time where I didn't involuntarily suck my stomach in while trying to show someone what I looked like.

Yes, I'm guilty of doing it. When I go to get the mail and a car drives by, I suck it in. When I'm walking my daughter outside, and a couple walks past-I suck it in. I'm a gut sucker. It hurts, it's awkward, and I never realize it until I'm doing it. Then, what do you do? Do you let it go and show the world your flab? Or do you hold it, smile, and pray that they hurry past you? It's all so very random and awkward.

Quinn's words of encouragement are keeping me going. I woke up today after staying up until one with a teething child, and then looking out the window to see nothing but gray skies and rain. I was discouraged, and then I remembered that someone could tell a difference! Someone noticed my hard work paying off! Someone else could see what I can't. How exciting! Now, it's time to make sure that more people notice. That more people are proud of me. That I can be proud of myself!!

So I'm wondering...

Who encourages you?
What's your motivation?
How hard are you on yourself?
Do you feel better now that you're trying harder?
How much water do you drink?
Do you get your daily allowance of fruits and veggies?
Have you cut back on dairy?
What kind of vitamin do you take?
Why do you read/write blogs?
What is your type of workout?

My answers are:

My friends and family.
Seeing my jeans actually fit, wearing shorts, fitting into a bathing suit, not having to dig at the bottom of clothing piles for XL, etc.
I'm very hard on myself. I'm working on it.
YES! I wake up earlier, I have more energy. I feel like I'm doing something right!!
I drink roughly 60-100oz a day!!! (Not bad for someone who once hated water!)
I'm working on doing better. I usually get about half of my daily allowance, but next month WILL be better.
Dairy kills me now. If I drink even an 8 ounce glass of milk, my stomach churns for hours. I don't have much of it anymore.
One a day gummies! Hooray! :)
I read and write blogs for motivation, inspiration, encouragement, and to learn new things/meet new people.
My favorite type of workout is YOGA of course. (But I don't really count it as a work out anymore, because it's easy and feels sooo good.)

What are your answers?

And here are some randomly added blog photos! enjoy.

The proof is in the pictures:

^ March 17th ^

March 25th

What do you think? Also, here is a pic from when I started this in january...

Can you see a change? I think things are just toning up currently, but I'm down 10 pounds since January.

Peace, Love, and Teething babies!

Sarah V.

Yummy Chicken Recipe!!

2010-03-24T18:43:00.000-07:00

So, I made this recipe tonight and it was awesome. I had it w/broccoli & cheese, and whole grain stuffing. The entire meal only totaled 6 points! (Chicken=3 pts for 4 oz, stuffing=2 pts for 1/2 cup, broccoli=0 pts for 1 cup, piece of cheese melted onto broccoli=1pt) Even if you're NOT on W.w. this is an AH-MAZE-ING (yes I spelled that wrong on purpose) Meal. Alright, go grab your pen and paper and get ready to write this down. Well, if you like chicken that is. If you don't, then you are dismissed.

Chicken In Mustard Sauce Recipe

What you will need:

1/2 teaspoon paprika

1/4 teaspoon salt

1/4 teaspoon coarsely ground pepper

Four - 4 ounce skinned, boned chicken breast halves

cooking spray

1/4 cup dry white wine or low sodium chicken broth

1 1/2 tablespoons all purpose flour

3/4 cup 1% low fat milk, divided

1 tablespoon peppercorn mustard or regular prepared mustard.

Cooking Directions:

Combine first three ingredients; sprinkle over chicken. Coat a non stick skillet with cooking spray; place over med/hi heat until hot. Add chicken; cook 3 to 5 minutes on each side, or until browned. Remove chicken from skillet and set aside.

Add wine or broth to skillet, deglaze by scraping particles that cling to bottom. Combine flour and 1/4 cup milk, stirring until smooth; add to skillet. Stir in remaining 1/2 cup milk and mustard. Cook over medium heat, stirring constantly, until thickened. Return chicken to skillet. Bring to boil; cover, reduce heat and simmer 5 minutes or till chicken is done. Serve chicken with sauce

calories 163, fat 2.4g (sat. 0.7g), Protein 28.1g, carbs 5.1g, fiber 0.2g, cholesterol 68mg, sodium 356mg,

Exchanges: 4 very lean meat.

WW Points: 3 pt.

I should point out that I used the chicken broth and honey mustard for my sauce. It turned out so well. The honey mustard really gave it a nice flavor. I would highly recommend using that instead of regular mustard. Well, unless you're a regular mustard fanatic, then go nuts! Enjoy!

(Recipe taken from This website.)

In other news, I did a ten minute workout on the elliptical tonight. It doesn't sound like much, but keeping my heart rate at 160+ for those 10 minutes really wiped me out. I was already tired and it was getting late, so I just decided 10 minutes was enough. Of course, once I got off the elliptical I felt guilty, so I ran laps around the basement for a little while. It sounds silly, but do what you can when you can right? I even run in place once in a while! Just gotta get my body used to doing more than sitting on its booty all the time and I'll be in great shape! Only a few more days until my first weight watchers weigh in since joining. *gulp* I really don't feel like I've lost a single pound, or even a half pound. However, today I learned that I can take my pants off with the belt still on. Hopefully that counts for something. And yes, I did just stand in the bathroom and yank my pants down. They kept falling off my butt, so I was hoping that was a good sign. FINGERS CROSSED.

Peace, Love, and Strength

Sarah V.

FIT NOT FAT!!

2010-03-24T06:07:00.000-07:00

Why I Want To Get Fit

I want to set a good example for my daughter.
I want to be able to buy jeans that sit comfortably at the waist, where they belong.
I want my shirts to fit my body, not hide my body.
I want to feel comfortable taking my daughter swimming.
I don't want to be "the fat friend" anymore.
I want to be proud of myself for losing the weight the healthy way.
I want my family to be proud of me for losing the weight the healthy way.
I want to have enough energy to get outside and get moving.
I want to workout without: feeling my stomach bounce during jumping jacks, losing my breath in the first 3 minutes of cardio, or feeling my stomach hit the ground during push ups.
I want to be happy with who I am as a person both inside AND out.

How I Managed To Get Fat

I lived my life for someone else.
Depression/Isolation.
Mindless eating.
Not working out. (At all!)
Eating horrible for me foods.
GIANT portions.
Eating out twice a day, every day.
DR. PEPPER. (I hate to admit this one.)
Getting pregnant! (Pre-eclampsya & 35 pounds of swelling.)
Sitting online ALL. DAY. LONG. while I was home alone and the baby was asleep, because everyone else was at work, and I was using the "I just had a baby" excuse.

So there you have it. These are the top ten reasons and ways that I want to get fit, and the top ten reasons and ways I managed to get FAT.

It's hard for a person to take a long hard look at themselves and admit that they were doing something wrong. I hear from so many people that being fat is in their genetics, that being fat is part of their lifestyle, that working out is too hard, that weight watchers is too expensive, and the list goes on and on. I'm going to rationalize with you the same way I did with myself. Are you ready?

If its in your genetics to be fat, you can still be thin-if you work twice as hard.
No healthy lifestyle is lead by an obese person. Obesity leads to a lot of undesirable side effects. (& just so you know, loss of libido is one of them!)
Working out IS hard. It's not called vegging out, or easing out. No, its called WORKING out for a reason. You can't expect everyone to do the work for you. It's not as hard as you think. Go for a one mile walk three times a week to start. Do fifteen minutes of simple, feel good yoga. Get a fun wii game that you can play, enjoy, and still workout with. There are a lot of easy little steps to get you started!
Yes, weight watchers is expensive. I know that not everyone wants to do weight watchers, so if this doesn't apply, simply skip ahead. However, if you've ever found yourself saying, "Oh my god, I would love to try weight watchers, but it's SO expensive." Listen to me... If you can afford to spend $40 a month on diet pills, you can afford weight watchers. If you can afford to go out to eat just ONCE a week, you can afford weight watchers. If you can afford to spend $10 a week on knick knacks, what nots, and whose a whats is-YOU can afford weight watchers!

As for me, It's not in my genetics to be fat. I don't enjoy a fat lifestyle. I LOATHE working out with all of my being. I spent six months convincing myself that the benefits of weight watchers outweighed the cost. And then-I blogged with the best of 'em for support and motivation, because I finally realized that I couldn't do this alone.

I'm not going to lie, there have been times that I've wanted to take the easy way out. I used Alli a few years ago and it worked wonders, so a few weeks ago after complaining to my husband, he brought me home a starter pack. We spent $60 on it, and I am proud to say, I haven't taken any pills!

I honestly had every intention of adding a diet pill into my daily routine. I was hoping for a jump start, a little extra help if you will. I wanted those pills to be my leg up. Luckily, I realized that all those pills were going to do to me would be to hinder, not help in my weight loss journey. Even if I did lose weight, I wouldn't keep it off. Even if I tracked my food, only ate the recommended 19g of fat per meal, and had 3 pills a day, I wouldn't keep the weight off. No one should live like that. No one should have to worry daily about the side effects of diet pills. No one should have to remember to shovel tons of manufactured weight loss ingredients into their system. No, diet pills are evil people. Just remember, working out and eating smaller portions do a better job than popping that pill three times a day. So if you're taking diet pills now, STOP CHEATING YOURSELF! Put the pills away, dump them down the sink, give them to your annoying friend and let her deal with them, just stop cheating yourself. We can all do this together, if you're ready for the long haul?

...Well, are you?

Peace, Love, and Fiber One
Sarah V.

Motherhood And More...

2010-03-23T17:40:00.000-07:00

I didn't get to do my Jillian work out today. Sad face. I was up all night with the baby last night. I couldn't figure out why, but even sleeping on my chest she woke up screaming every hour. I was exhausted, and she was clearly in pain. When I woke up with her this morning at 6, I saw a new tooth staring back at me. Her bottom right molar had poked through during the night. We wound up eating a great breakfast, and staying on track all day. Well, until supper. We made beef steaks, which put me 7 pts over for the day. Oh well, I used my extra weekly allowance, and didn't look back.

Around noon today, I put on my work out clothes. I rolled out my yoga mat, plugged in my wii, turned on your shape, and did 15 minutes of yoga. When I was finished, I reached for my hand weights and Jillian dvd. I was fully prepared, stretched, and ready to go. And then......the baby screamed.

Now, I know I said I would do Jillian on T-TH but sometimes things happen, and you just can't meet your goals. I had every intention of working out, and I really wanted to. I felt a ton better after yoga, but honestly...my child is the most important thing to me. When she's unhappy, as am I. When she hurts, my heart breaks. So, I turned off the tv, went to her room and cuddled with her. I ended up giving her lunch and spending the rest of the day playing with her and cleaning her room. At least I got in 15 minutes of yoga, and another 3 hours of moderate cleaning. It's better than nothing, and I plan on trying to get up earlier for Jillian next time.

Weight watchers update:
Today I stayed on track perfectly. I had extra points to spare until dinner rolled around. I opened the freezer and all I could find were chicken breasts and beef steaks. Last night we had chicken, so tonight..I opted for beef. I stabbed the beef steaks with a fork, rubbed both sides with mrs. dash seasoning, and poured a can of cream of mushroom over top. I covered it w/aluminum foil and baked at 350 for an hour. It turned out DELICIOUS. I also had broccoli and cheese pasta noodles. Bad idea. The pasta was 6 pts for 2/3 cup. There was no real nutritional value to it, so next time I will do minute rice and use the gravy from the beef as a topping. Anyways, the entire meal with milk included was 16 points. Ouch. I only had 12 left. So, I went over by 4...and then I had a fudge bar. Sometimes you just have to indulge a little! I still luckily have 20 weekly allowance points, so hooray!

In not so exciting news, I slipped up today and weighed myself. I was dying not knowing if my weight had changed. I realize that sounds silly because it's only been 4 days on the program, but I had to know. So today, I am putting my scale up, away, and out of sight. It is going to be stuffed in a drawer, the closet, or some other random place that I can't easily access on a whim. Let's just chalk it up to a bad day, and move on. Plus, Thursday is grocery day and I'm looking forward to getting what we can for the rest of the month that will be filling and make for better dinners. Wish me luck.

Peace, Love, and Fudge bars...
Sarah V.

P.s I blame Quinn for my ice cream craving!!!

Pain

2010-03-22T06:00:00.000-07:00

Pain is weakness, leaving the body...

Yesterday I did my very first Jillian Michaels workout. My husband was at Nascar all day with his father, so I figured what better day to test out my new dvd? No one was around to watch me, no one was around to make fun of me, or to make me nervous. I put Emma in her high chair with some dried apple pieces and some meat sticks for lunch. (She's odd like that.)

After I got Emma locked and loaded, I went into the living room. I broke out the new yoga mat, the 4 lb hand weights, and the 30 day shred dvd. I grabbed a bottle of water, took the lid off, and set it directly in front of me on the tv stand. I knew you couldn't take a break on Jillian, so I kept my water super close to me. That way I could take a drink while I was doing my warm ups and stretches at the very least. I hadn't worked out at all in the past 8 weeks, and I sure as hell hadn't worked any of those muscles in years.

When I started the dvd and began doing the workout I thought, this doesn't seem so hard. Two minutes later, I was cursing Jillians name and begging her for mercy. Obviously she didn't give it to me. She told me that my ass needed to work HARDER. "HARDER JILLIAN? You want me to work harder? Whats wrong with you!" She then mocks me by telling me that 400 lb people can do these workouts, so I should be able to as well. [Touche Jillian, touche.]

It took every ounce of strength in my body, but I completed that 20 minute workout. I loved the ab workouts, the side lunges, and the stretches. On the other hand, I suck suck suck at strength. I can't do push ups for the life of me, AND cardio makes my chest burn like I've swallowed a flaming sword. I got light headed a few times, but that's probably to be expected after not working out for seven hundred years. (Yes, thats an accurate number.) Even after all that whining, bitching, and complaining-I finished. Let me tell you something, I'm so glad I did. I was covered in sweat, literally dripping from head to toe. It was awesome! I haven't had a workout like that in a veryyyyyyy long time.

So today, my body is very sore. I woke up and felt muscles that I didn't even know I had. Whats this? There are abs under my post-baby flab? My god, I never knew! I assumed they disintegrated somewhere under all that fleshy goodness. It's good to know that they're still there. Oh, and what's this? I have muscles in my thighs? Who knew?!? I found out just how sore my thighs were when I picked up my 25 pound daughter and squatted down to pick up her blankie. Oh lordy, I felt the burn. So, all in all my workout was awesome.

And in weight watchers news:
Yesterday I had the hardest time making all my points. Everyone keeps telling me that it's critical to eat all of your points every day. I didn't have trouble the first day because we went out to eat. I actually went over on day one, but it was our first day so we were still learning. Yesterday, I ended up having a banana, a vanilla latte drink, and a cereal bar as a late night snack just to meet all of my points. I'm hoping for an easier day today. I wound up eating 2 bagels yesterday, some yogurt, bananas, a smartones meal worth 5 pts (and it sucked) and a few other little things. I really need to get to the store to get some fresh fruits and veggies soon. I can't wait to get groceries next month. I also want to get a W.w. cookbook soon, but we'll see how that goes. Plus my Jillian workout counted for 3 activity points.

I'm trying to talk Andrew into going for our walk today, but go figure it's the one day of the week that its raining. It's also fifty degrees which he believes is too cold to have Emma out, so we'll see if he wants to walk this afternoon. If not I'll be doing my elliptical later. I have decided to do Jillian T&TH this week since I started it on Sunday. I will do my other little workouts throughout the week as previously mentioned.

Alright, I have to go now because as you probably noticed this blog is totally rambling. My husband is up and talking to me, the baby is running around my feet crying for breakfast, Dora the explorer is annoying me on the television, and while this blog post started off great with meaning, I'm just starting to suck at multi tasking!

Peace, Love, and Yoga mats
Sarah V.

Sarah Vs. The Scale

2010-03-21T08:49:00.000-07:00

Well, I just read the blog post that JackSh*t wrote about how he has retired his scale for the month of March. I personally think that is a fantastic idea. I have become a slave to the scale for the past 2 months. I wake up, I pee, I weigh. Every day. I go to the bathroom mid day, I weigh. Then, I weigh at night. I freak out over the small gains that naturally occur throughout the day. So, I'm taking a page from Mr. JackSh*t's book. I'm going to retire the scale for the rest of March. Sure it's only a week, but I'm going to let the weight watchers scale tell me how I'm doing once a week. After all, what my scale says when I'm naked (198.8), and what the weight watchers scale says when I'm fully clothed (202) are two very different weights anyways. In fact, there is a 4 lb difference. If you ask me, that's quite a bit. (And who knows, Maybe I'll forget about my scale for the entire month of April as well!)

So, as of today I am retiring the scale. I am tired of weighing every single day. I think once a week is plenty good enough for now. Maybe after a few weeks I'll begin weighing again, but for now I don't want to think about it. It's hard enough trying to track everything I eat, without worrying about the numbers on the scale. I'm already skeptical about the program, and I'm hoping that next Saturday when I weigh in I will have lost even just one pound so that I know the program works for me. I also plan on starting walks and workouts this week. Yikes. Wish me luck jumping back into that lifestyle. It's been close to 2 months since my last workout. My knee feels like it has fully healed, and the swelling has gone down as well. With any luck, I can stretch and not hurt myself this time around!

So now I have no more excuses. I have no reason that I can't lose the rest of my baby weight. I know it's only a few pounds, but I was the heaviest I'd ever been before I got pregnant anyways. As I mentioned previously my goal weight is about 170 pounds. I am going to set a short goal to begin with. For now, the only number I'm worried about is 195. After that I will work my way down 5 pounds at a time, and try not to get discouraged. I don't think 5 lbs a month is a lot to ask for. If I lost a minimum of 5 pounds per month, it would only take me 6 months to lose the 30 that I want to lose. Fingers crossed for me.

A big thank you to Brooke for posting some tasty recipes over at her blog! I can't wait until our next grocery trip to get some canned pumpkin, and pumpkin spice so I can make her Pumpkin Pie Smoothie. I'm also looking forward to cracker crumb chicken. Mainly because I always have trouble with cooking chicken. I usually end up just frying it up on the stove or baking it in a rice casserole. I could definitely use a little change of pace with my cooking. So if any of you other blog readers out there have weight watchers recipes, please please please be sure to send them my way! (Savanord@live.com)

Well, that about does it for this lazy Sunday. I have started my day well with a 20 oz bottle of water, a warmed bagel, and 2 tbsp of w.w. whipped cream cheese. I am going to try some of my new yogurts for a snack, and I'm getting ready to make lunch for Emma and I. Here's hoping I can stay on point today. Andrew on the other hand, is at the Bristol races with his dad today. He is going to attempt to stay on plan, but at a race track where the food consists of hot dogs, hamburgers, popcorn, etc. it will definitely be difficult. He said he was going to do his best, so cross your fingers for him as well!

Peace, Love, and Naked toes
Sarah V.

Day One

2010-03-20T14:42:00.000-07:00

So day one of Weight watchers sucked. I was doing an amazing job, until my father in law decided to take us out to eat. We went to cracker barrel and we both made what we felt were good decisions. I had catfish (3oz) and my husband had the lemon pepper trout. We both drank water instead of tea or soda, and we had veggies for sides. The grand total of points I ate JUST for lunch while following plan (green beans, mashed potatos, corn bread, water, fish) was 19! OUCH. I only get 30 a day! My husbands was even worse. His grand total was 35 points because he decided to order the double fudge coca cola cake and ice cream. The cake alone is 800 calories. GOOD LORD people! That's madness. I had a hot fudge sundae but only ate ONE CUP of it. That put my points to 23.

I'm kind of disappointed, but since it was our first day I am chalking it up to learning from our mistakes. My daily points allowance is 30 and as of right now I'm at 34. It's only 6 o'clock and I am going to consider our late lunch to be an early supper. Mainly because I actually had already eaten lunch, but my father in law wanted to take us out to 'celebrate' so badly that we didn't want to upset him. Of course we have 35 additional "weekly" spending points so we are just going to subtract that from this weeks points and call it good!

I also went to walmart and got some yogurt, oj, and bagels. Hopefully having food around to eat for breakfast will force me to keep remembering to actually EAT breakfast! So, that's just a little update on today. It was a family outing day because it was 73 degrees and sunny. I also took my daughter to get her first haircut. I can't believe she's almost 18 months old already. She was drinking out of a GLASS with a straw the entire time we were out to eat too. It made me sad to see how big she's getting, and happy at the same time.

Peace, Love, and Random Points Knowledge.
Sarah V.

Weight Watchers!

2010-03-20T08:09:00.000-07:00

Thats right, you read that correctly. Today, my husband and I attended (and joined!) our first ever weight watchers meeting. It was interesting to say the least. To be honest, the day didn't start off so well. You see, last night my husband took his nyquil before bed to get over his nasty cold, and I took my unisom. We set our alarms for 745 because the meeting started at 9. That gave us plenty of time to get up, dressed, and to feed the baby. Unfortunately, I turned the alarm off......THREE TIMES! I woke up at 8:30, told Andrew to get up, and I threw on clothes. He told me there was no way we could be ready in 30 minutes, but we did it! I threw my hair into a messy pony tail and it didn't look sexy, but who cares? I made it to the meeting with time to spare while grandpa watched the baby!

I will tell you that I never thought I'd spend so much money at one meeting. I knew it would be expensive the first time I went because there were 2 of us. We qualified for the family plan, so we only paid $40 for both of us to go. That would have been fine, but then we wound up each buying some W.W. smoothies and Drew wanted a points clicker. Whoops, another $31! I keep telling myself it's all for the good of my health.

I weighed myself this morning when I got up as I usually do. I was naked, and had just gone potty. My scale read 198.8 pounds as usual. Sadly, the weight watchers scale didn't agree. It told me that while I was fully clothed (jeans, belt, shoes, heavy hoodie, etc) I weighed in at 202 lbs. Sigh. There's that 200 number again. Oh well, this is a learning experience right? RIGHT!

So we attended our meeting, and Andrew was pretty disappointed. He was the only male in the entire group. I think we were the youngest 2 there as well. I just reminded him that this was only ONE meeting, and that on any other given day another guy might show up. If nothing else, I said, he could talk one of his friends into going. He is pretty excited about his points allowance though, because he is starting out with 39 a day. As for me, well I get 30. I'm more than okay with that, and I can't wait to try new foods and recipes. A big shout out to BROOKE For answering all of my pesky little w.w. questions, and inspiring me through her blog. I would have never had the courage to do this without her. PLUS, I've always been a skeptic and Brooke is LIVING, BREATHING PROOF that this program really can do amazing things. (In case you didn't know, she's lost 100 lbs in a years time.) So here's a big round of applause for you Brooke. *claps*

Todays topic of conversation was portion control. My mouth hit the floor when I saw how much actual portion sizes were compared to what people usually eat. It's no WONDER America is so overweight. Look at the sizes we eat. Look at the portions restaurants give us. It's insane! Andrew and I vowed today that we would only eat off of our salad plates, instead of the 14 inch plates we have at the house. When we get our own place we are going to restock our dishes with smaller sizes. I also learned that we both need to drink more water (DUH!) and move more. We are starting 30 minute walks every day this Monday. I'm also going to be doing my other workouts. Hopefully that in combination with staying on track w/my points will help my weight loss.

I set my goal as 10% of my weight. According to my book, that is 20 pounds to start with. I am setting my lifetime goal as 170 lbs. That is a 30 lb loss. The woman who was leading today (Cindy) said that on average most people lose 2 lbs a week by eating smarter. I really hope that's the case. I could lose 20 lbs in just a few short months if that were true. I'm hoping that by my 25th birthday I will be at my goal weight. (13 months!) So, wish me luck there. And if ANYONE has any weight watchers recipes PLEASE email them to me!! (Savanord@live.com)

So that was my experience today. I hope that I can continue going to the meetings, and stay on track. I'm looking forward to trying something new, and exciting. Keep your fingers crossed for my husband and I. We have just begun our journey on the weight loss path, and we need all the help we can get.

Peace, Love, and French Vanilla Smoothies
Sarah V.

Just For Quinn

2010-03-19T07:43:00.000-07:00

I am writing this blog because Quinn has guilted me into it. So here you go Quinn, a blog post for you.

Last night I got the first full night of sleep I've had in weeks. I took a unisom, and slept in bed with my husband. we hadn't been sleeping together for the past week, so I think him being by my side is the other reason I slept so well. Hooray for sleep.

In other news, I implemented a new bedtime for myself and Andrew last night. We decided that every night we are going to bed between 11:30-12 o'clock. Yes, for us that's early. Usually we are up til 1-2, and then get up at 7 or 8 with the baby. Obviously, that's killing us both. We kept Emma up til 9 last night so she would go to bed, and then we went to sleep at midnight. I got nine amazingly wonderful hours of sleep. I feel like a new woman. So well rested. I even drug myself out of bed with the rest of the family instead of sleeping in like I usually do on Andrews days off. I even got up and IMMEDIATELY made the bed. (Which I never do, my bed is always a mess.) After I got up, made the bed, and went pee-I weighed myself.

I'm proud to say that I'm STILL under 200 lbs. This is the longest I've gone without yo-yoing back to 200 and down over and over again. I've been under 200 for just over a week now. I've been STEADILY weighing in at 198. If you recall when we began our challenge I was 207. I was 209 on Christmas when I began my wii workouts. That means I've lost just over ten pounds. I know it doesn't sound like much, but it's actually quite an achievement for me.

This Monday I will be starting my Jillian DVD. I think now that we all are doing it, we should post results monthly with pictures. It's just a thought though. Quinn doesn't even look like she's had a baby anymore! She's had amazing results with Jillian, and I hope I do too. I'm going to get my yoga mat and weights this weekend. I'm really nervous about starting Jillian. I hope that I can handle it, and that it doesn't hurt my knees. Im excited about getting back into a work out. The week that I was sick, I felt so emotionally and physically drained. I was worried I'd never get my strength back. I finally have regained my strength, and I'm looking forward to my routine. The plan as it sits is that I will be rotating between walks/yoga/wii/elliptical/jillian for my workouts. I can only do 5 days a week because I'm not able to work out on weekends with my current living arrangements. I MIGHT be able to do elliptical on weekends, but they recommend you give yourself a break once a week anyways. Maybe Sunday will be my break day.

So since everyone else keeps posting goals, I thought I'd list mine here as well...are you ready? Sure you are, read away!

Short term weight loss goal: 185 lbs (that is a 13 lb loss)
Long term weight loss goal: 165/170lbs

Short term food goal: 3 meals a day, 3 snacks a day. Goal calories: 1800 starting
Long term food goal: learning to cook healthier meals that the entire family will eat.

Short term workout goal: 3-5 days a week alternating workouts.
Long term workout goal: 5-7 days a week alternating workouts.

Short term personal goal: LESS time on the computer/cell phone
Long term personal goal: MORE time outdoors playing with my daughter/walking.

So there you have it. This is a random blog post, brought to you by the letter S.
Peace, Love, and Flip Flops
Sarah V.

P.s. Today's high is 68 degrees, and I'm trying to talk the hubby into taking the baby to the park. Wish me luck because he feels like crap, and I doubt he'll agree to it.

I'm A Cheater!

2010-03-17T18:17:00.000-07:00

Okay, well I don't know if you could consider it cheating...but, I'm enjoying myself today. You see, I decided this morning that I would POSTPONE my pills so that I could sneak some dairy. I decided to have some light lays potato chips with a little cheddar cheese dip. It was delicious! I took my pill afterwards and then I realized that OH NO, I never had any milk. I was so disappointed in myself for that. Darn milk cravings.

Anyways, today has been an interesting food day. I was up until 2 am this morning, and my daughter woke me up at 5. We played in my bed til 6 when I finally had to put her back to sleep so she'd stop kicking me in the head. I woke up to her crying at 10:30 for me to get her up. I had to pry my eye lids open, I couldn't get any strength, but once I managed to look at my cell phone clock I nearly panicked. How could I have slept so late? Why didn't anyone wake me? Is everything okay?

I drug myself out of bed to go pick up the baby. On the way to her room, I passed my snoring husband who was still asleep on the couch from last night. He has had a cold, and didn't want me to catch it since I just got over bronchitis. Emma and I stayed in bed until 11 goofing off, and then I got her breakfast. (She had milk right when I got her up.)

By the time we got back up and into the kitchen, we saw that daddy was awake too. I didn't feel like cooking, so I decided to make a chicken salad sandwhich. This is where the trouble began. First of all, we used real mayo. Ugh-calories galore. Second of all, that was all I had to eat for lunch! Throughout the day I wound up grazing, which is never a good thing. By the nights end I had eaten the following....

3 Chicken salad sandhiches (lunch/supper/snack)
1 Large Angel Food Smoothie (From Smoothie King)
1/2 Bag Vanilla Creme Brulee rice cakes
1 Bowl of 1/2 fat light lays chips w/1 cup frito lay cheese dip
1 Cup mixed fruit (pre-packaged sadly)
1/2 glass gingerale (ew!)
1 water
1/2 banana

You see, I didn't eat a lot of BAD foods, but I had a lot OF food. I'm kind of sad about it, because I'd been doing so well. The lack of water I had today was not helpful either. I'm never hungry after dinner anymore, and here it is a quarter past nine and I was eating a chicken salad sandwich. I'm so disappointed.

HOWEVER.....
I got my Jillian Michaels 30 day shred DVD, AND my Enell sports bra. I can't wait until Monday. I'm going to start my new diet/workout routine. That's why this weekend is my "somewhat binge" weekend. I'm going to eat when Im hungry, but I'm going to do it in a healthy manner so I don't undo all of my current hard work. I have to run to ROSS this weekend for a yoga mat and some smaller weights, because 8 lbs is far too much for starting. I think I will get 3 or 4's to start. I haven't decided yet. I just know that I'm ready for these mom "bat wings" to say buh bye, and for this mom gut to disappear. So--Get ready cause starting Monday it will be back to the old blogs that were filled with work out pics, food topics, and all sorts of other health related what not. I know you've missed it, so it's coming back. I will also be sure to REVIEW the Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred DVD on day 30. So, watch for that as well.

Peace, Love, and Real Frigging Mayo
Sarah V.

Is There An Echo....

2010-03-16T22:55:00.000-07:00

Helloooooo?
Hellooooo-o-oo

Anyone? Is there anyone out there? I swear, sometimes it's like I'm talking to a wall. Hey you, yes YOU there reading these words, could you do me a favor and let me know you're still alive and out there?

Its 2 am and i'm wide awake. DAMN YOU TIME CHANGE.
Ugh.
This was the most pointless blog post ever, but I have a favor to ask of everyone...

I have 5 days left on my no dairy diet. It seems my pills last a bit longer than I'd expected, SO....I haven't been eating. No, this is bad...this is very bad. Today I had a bowl of popcorn, a fruit cup, two bites of toast, and some doritos. Yeah, its that bad. So please, help me out guys. Send me a little inspiration, some help if you could.

As of right now I can't have any dairy, vitamins, ant acids, or SUNLIGHT. So don't suggest that I throw my gummy vitamins in a pan of milk and bake them in the sun for an hour, because that won't work. I just need something to get me by for another week. I don't know how the lactose intolerant do it! I am DYING without milk and cheese. I have a carton of silk in my fridge, but I'm not really a fan. I will drink it if I must, but lately it's been STRICTLY WATER. I'm losing my mind.

Wanna help a sister out?
Also, can you tell its late and I'm getting loopy? Just...wondering.

Peace, Love, and The Overwhelming Desire For Cheese
Sarah V.

I Feel Old...

2010-03-16T08:27:00.000-07:00

Hello there bloggers and blogettes!

I hope everyone is having a fantastic Tuesday. I was up all night tossing, turning. I kept dreaming I was suffocating, and then I would wake up under the covers, or with my pillow over my face. It was fine at first, but it happened repeatedly through the night, and it just plain got annoying. It didn't help that I put on 3 of my favorite shows before bedtime, all of which are an hour long. I wound up laying in bed, in the dark, texting Quinn instead of sleeping.

When I woke up this morning, I was actually feeling productive. I got out of bed, and got the baby up. I poured her a sippy cup of milk, got out some bread, and a carton of egg beaters. I made everyone else a breakfast of eggs and toast. I still can't have dairy, so I just had a fruit cup with my medicine. It was delicious, but there's not much substance in a fruit cup.

In other news, my medicine is almost gone. I have two days left of my steroids, and probably another 4 of my other medicine. I can't have dairy or vitamins with my pills, and I think that's whats really screwing with me. I had began taking vitamins last month, and was doing really well with them. I was taking the adult one a day vitamins, and they really were making me feel better. I have iron deficiency, and when it really acts up I crave fish, or other foods high in iron. I was noticing a drastic difference while I was taking my vitamins. More importantly, I miss milk. I just want a bowl of cereal. Just ONE! Apparently the calcium in dairy products counteracts the effects of my Ciprofloxacin, which nearly makes it completely ineffective. I don't want to eat a brick of cheese or anything, I just want a glass of milk. Why is that so much to ask? Whyyyyy. (Dramatically overreacts.)

I am looking forward to being 100% healthy again, because right now I am still only at about 85%. I'm tired all the time, and I have zero energy. I am totally run down, and that's not good. My husband HAD been doing a great job taking care of Emma and I both, but two nights ago He started to get sick. Fabulous. Emma had been doing better all week, and she seems to be coming down with a cold again. I think this has something to do with the fact that it was 65 degrees one day, 20 the next, 60 the following, snowing the next, and then raining all week. I wish the weather would just calm the frick down, and make up it's mind. So for now, I'm doing my best to take care of my family. The hubby slept on the couch last night, so I wasn't reinfected. Plus, he doesn't want his cold turning into anything worse. I'm so tired of everyone being SICK.

So, in my time of boredom last night, I decided to check out the twitterverse. I had set up an account last year when everyone else was raving about it, but I never could get into it. I just didn't see the point of it. Well, last night I got sucked in. I was following my favorite "celeb" (aka: Shane Dawson) and I was tweeting my friends. It was actually kind of fun. I'm not sure what the hype is about still, but it kills a little time. If you have a twitter, feel free to stalk me @savanord. And if you'd like to stalk me anywhere else, honestly, google me. You will get pages of results. I'm a computer geek.

I suppose that about does it for today's blog. I don't have a lot to say. Oh, except for this...
Last night at 10:30 p.m a woman randomly shows up on our doorstep. She has a few kids with her, and she's crying. She starts begging my husband for a ride over to some street on the other side of town. She told us that her husband was on his way to get her from Bristol, and that she is from Knoxville so she doesn't know her way around. Emma was asleep in bed, I was in the bedroom, and my hubby was sick on the couch. He explains to the woman that he has no way of fitting her entire family inside his tiny Kia Rio because the front door is broken, and there's a carseat in back. He offers to call someone for help, and she declines repeatedly. She begs him some more and says that her kids have already walked so far, so he once again offers to find her a ride. She tells him no, says that she understands, and continues walking. The part that freaked my husband out is that the children looked nothing like the woman, and that she absolutely refused a ride. He says that if she needed a ride from him, why couldn't she take a ride from someone he called to come help? It all seemed too suspicious. Just another reason that I don't feel comfortable on our street anymore. I am goin to keep my eyes peeled to make sure there are no missing children reports, or any other sad/scary news about them. I told my husband he was being rude, but he didn't get "good vibes" from the woman. I don't blame him, but I do feel somewhat guilty.

BUT-
On a happier note...
My baby brother turns NINE YEARS OLD TODAY. <3
(And now I officially feel old.)

Peace, Love, and Creepers
Sarah V.

Monday..

2010-03-15T12:11:00.000-07:00

Ugh, it's here again. The dreaded Monday. This time change is kicking my ass, and I feel like I'm slacking on everything. I have 3 days left of my medication, and so far it's terrible. I feel much better, and I can speak again, but this stuff makes me nauseas all day long. I don't want to eat, workout, or do anything but rest. I am hoping that this time next week I can start busting my ass again.

I'm also noticing that my no dairy diet has made my stomach bloating go down considerably. I never had an issue with dairy until after I had Emma. Suddenly, my body goes haywire if I drink milk. I literally SWELL in the stomach. So, when I get better, I'm going to limit my dairy intake. I will have one cup to pour into my cereal, and one cup with dinner. Hopefully that will help a bit.

I am planning on starting a 30 day routine next Monday. I can't wait to get started. I will be sure to let everyone know how its going too. I am going to work out every day if it kills me. I think that for the first time in my life I'm actually EXCITED about working out. Plus, what better time to start than now? After all, I turn 24 next month, not 34. I'm young, I'm energetic, and I'm going to be spending a lot less time online, and a lot more time outside/working out.

But for now, I am going to go rest a little bit more.

Peace, Love, and Sleepy girls
Sarah V.

Flaws

2010-03-13T21:39:00.001-08:00

Support

2010-03-13T20:12:00.000-08:00

I would just like to take a moment here to thank all of you readers for your support. I know that no one has had a lot of time to comment each other lately, but know that I still read all of your blogs daily. They are bookmarked in my favorites folder.

It was brought to my attention today that while we all blog for our own personal reasons, no one has to read each others. We all do it by choice. We are here to help one another, and for that I thank you. I don't have a perfect life. I don't have a perfect body, a perfect marriage, a perfect family, or a perfect friendship. Luckily, I have you guys. You are the perfect support system. Is it just about weight loss? No. It's about so much more than that. You're a family to me, and I appreciate everything you say to me. I drink in every word and savor the taste.

You are all my sanity. You keep me happy. You keep me hopeful. You tell me that I can do things, when I'm not sure I can. You are my greatest supporters. Just as I am your greatest supports. I believe that together we can get through anything.

Not everyone approves of blog writing. I was let on to that fact today. I was informed that blogs and vlogs fry your brains. Someone should tell Shane Dawson because he got famous for doing blogs, vlogs, and youtube videos! Regardless, thank you all for being there for me. For reading the things I write. For being true friends, and supporting the things that I do. Thank you for believing in me.

Thank you for BLOGGING.

Sarah V.

The Plan

2010-03-13T09:19:00.000-08:00

"Okay, so here's the plan!!"
-Okay, what is it?
"I have no idea...."

That used to be how any conversation with me would start. I would have a plan in mind, but at the last minute I decided that plan was stupid. Well, today I have devised a plan. I think.....

Once the magic powers of modern day medicine heal me, I am going to start a 30 day plan. Maybe after 30 days, I will continue on to 60, 90, and who knows maybe 365 days a year! Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves. I'm planning a 30 day routine. I am going to work out every day for 30 days. Quinn finally talked me into buying the Jillian Michaels 30 day shred. Do I think I'll be able to handle this every day? Oh god no. Not at first anyways, but I'll give it a shot. I'm going to do it on the days that I feel like I can, and on the days I can't I'm going to do 20 minutes on my elliptical. If that too fails, I will do a routine on my Your Shape game.

This plan gives me three separate ways to work out. I can't complain about boredom or repetition this way. I can't find an excuse not to do anything, because even if all else fails, I can walk for half an hour. I am ready to get serious about weight loss again. This month has been absolutely terrible in terms of sick family members. I can only hope that no one else gets sick this spring, or I might lose my mind. No, I will lose my mind, I'm sure of it.

So there you have it, my plan is to work out every day for 30 days in some way, shape, or form. I am also eating better, forcing water down my throat like I'm a dying fish, and thanks to this medication I'm currently off of dairy products. I don't know why exactly, but you just don't screw around when the warning label is printed in all caps.

I will keep you all posted as to when my 30 day journey will begin. Let's hope I see results as fast as Quinn did. Let's hope that my mom flab will be fat blasted. And let's hope that I can stick to a healthy eating plan, without breaking down. But, for now.......my medication has decided that I should probably go attempt to throw up again. I'm not sure which is worse, the bronchitis itself, or the medication I'm taking that prohibits me from vitamins, dairy, antacids, sunlight, and is making me have to vomit. I just remind myself that things can only get so bad, before they have to get better.

Peace, Love, and Methylprednisolone
Sarah V.

I'm Obsessing...

2010-03-12T12:19:00.000-08:00

I'm obsessing and that's not a good thing. I get on this kick every now and again where I have to obsess over whatever goal it is I'm trying to achieve. I have been doing a really good job of staying off the scale. I took some new pictures of myself and thought that I was looking pretty good...and then, the mail came.

You see, last week I ordered online from Victorias Secret. It was the first time in my entire life I'd ever ordered or bought anything from them. I got the cutest underwear I'd ever seen, and I was nervous about it fitting. When It got here today, I excitedly and nervously tore into the packaging. I went into the bathroom to try one one of the five pairs I'd ordered. Surprise! They fit. I was excited, but only for a moment. The lacey top suddenly crept down slowly. Down it went, further and further until it had rolled beneath the crease of my post baby belly. Suddenly, I didn't feel so good about myself.

I got online today, and before I had even realized it an hour had passed. I had been on google typing in things like "post baby belly" or "saggy stomachs." I was researching and reading about what people did to get rid of this nasty dilemma. Do I look good with my clothes on? Sometimes. Am I getting more comfortable about myself while I'm wearing clothes? Hell yes. Am I comfortable while I'm naked? ...no, I want to grab the covers, wrap myself up like a burrito, crawl into the closet, and cry for days.

I stood in front of the mirror wearing my new favorite pink tank top, a green jacket, and my mom jeans that give me a saggy ass. I thought about how much better I was looking, and how good it felt to be 198 pounds again. I looked at my boobs in their push up bra that gave me back fat which I hid with a green zip front hoodie. I looked at my hips that had jeans pulled high over them to divert attention from the muffin top that could creep down at any minute. I had on dark, straight legged jeans to hide my big thighs. Then, it dawned on me. I'm HIDING in my clothes. I am not who I want to be, and I have to do something to change that. So, I put my plain white boring mom bra back on that offers full coverage, but is certainly not pretty. It doesn't give me back boobs either, so that's a plus. I took off my tank top, my hoodie, my push up bra, and got back into my regular clothes. The mom jeans had to stay, because they're the only jeans I've got that fit me right. So here I am in a Grey Tennessee t-shirt, with my white mom bra, my saggy assed mom jeans, and a pair of comfy joe boxer underpants. This is me. This is who I am when Im not hiding in my clothes, trying to be someone I'm not. Hi, It's nice to meet you.

Do I have to look perfect naked? No. Do I ever expect to look good naked again? Well, no...not without the help of a surgeon and a lottery winning husband I don't. Should I feel comfortable enough to throw on a pair of jeans that sit right at the hip where they're meant to, a tshirt that just fits perfectly without a hoodie over or a tank top under? Shoudn't I feel comfortable enough to wear a pair of shorts for the first time in half a decade when it's hot out, rather than wearing dark blue jeans and making everyone stare? Yes, I should. So why don't I?

Life is always throwing me curveballs, and instead of attempting to hit them, I just keep avoiding them all together. My daughter was sick, I was sick, my husband was unemployed, my car was broken into, we live with my father in law, it's too cold, it's too hot, we're too poor, I don't have any friends, any money, any job, anything to my name, bitch bitch bitch bitch BITCH! I'm so tired of making excuses for myself. I'm so tired of telling everyone that I feel great when I don't. I'm tired of lying to myself, and I'm tired of lying to you.

We all have off days, weeks, hell even years. I've met plenty of people who have gone their entire life being big, and spend years losing the weight only to look fabulous. Could I look like that too? Sure I could, if I gave it 110%!! BUT I DONT. I give it 75% at best, and It has to be 100. I am working on changing my life, but it's a slow time consuming process. I'm doing the best that I can, but I need my best to be better. Sure, I'm being a little hard on myself, but let's face the facts here. My daughter is almost two years old, and after your first year postpartum I don't think the old "baby weight" excuse flies quite as easily as it once did.

So, here I am once again.....obsessing. I haven't been able to work out in two weeks. I haven't taken my daughter on a walk, we haven't gone outside. My bronchitis has made it hard to sleep, speak, and even eat. Her tonsillitis has improved, but now she has a cold so I can't even take her outside. I'm obsessing over this. I feel like I can't. I want to so badly, but I feel like I just can't. I need a positive attitude. I need a friend. I need adjusted. I need to help myself. It's time.

This week, I'm going to get better. My daughter is going to get better. We are going to go on walks at least three times a week. We are going to dance around the house when we want. We are GOING to get our asses away from technology for a while, and actually enjoy life. We're going to go to the park. We're going to get more sleep. We're going to eat just a little bit better. And we're going to try our best to have fun while mommy gets her work out in. Because, mommy can't afford to obsess anymore. Mommy needs to change her life for good.

TGIF 312

2010-03-12T08:44:00.000-08:00

Last Friday I stated that every Friday I was going to blog about things that make me happy. This Friday that will be especially difficult, because I'm quite honestly miserable. I'm willing to give it a shot though. Ready, Set, Go.

Today, I'm going to tell you about several things that make me happy. Mostly because I feel like shit, and need to remind myself that this is temporary, and there will be things out there that make me smile again. So, without further ado, the number one thing that makes me happy is obviously........my family. I think you all knew that, and it went without saying, so I won't even bother to elaborate.

Happiness number two is a light breeze. I don't know why exactly, but when I feel a light breeze dance across my face, pick up my hair, and whirl it around...well honestly, I've never felt sexier than I do in that moment. I could look like total shit, but as long as that breeze is blowing my hair in the wind, I feel amazing. I can close my eyes, smell the fresh air, and imagine if just for a moment, that I look as beautiful as I feel.

Happiness number three consists of a smell that you either love or don't. There is no in between when it comes to the scent of coffee. I know this sounds strange, but a few years ago I would get up every morning and make coffee. It's strange because I didn't drink it. I simply brewed the coffee so my house would have that delicious aroma. Of course, I don't have my coffee pot anymore, and I did eventually start drinking the stuff. (As long as it was half creamer anyways...)

Happiness Numero 4 is........the smell before it rains. Yes, that smell that so many people hate. I know people who go "Ugh, smells like rain." To me, it smells intoxicating. I love the calm before the storm, far more than I love the storm itself.

The following happiness is number cinco! Cats. Yes, kitties of all shapes, sizes, and varieties. More specifically my old cats Maverick and Roxanna. I miss them dearly. But they still make me smile, even though they're not around. (We had to give them up after 3 years of them having been my babies)

To recap: things that make me happy
1. My family
2. Light breeze
3. The scent of coffee
4. Smell before it rains
5. Cats

These arent the top things that make me happy. In fact, I can thing of several things that make me happier (like not being sick or my daughter actually sleeping) but these were the first 5 things that came to mind.
Sorry this blog is all out of whack, but honestly...Im on a shit load of medicine right now and I can barely hear myself think.

I need to lie down.........
Sarah V.

Six Days

2010-03-11T14:02:00.000-08:00

Last Saturday, my daughter and I both got sick. I randomly started to lose my voice and she was up for 3 nights in a row with a fever. I assumed that I had whatever she had. We took her to the Dr where she was diagnosed with tonsillitis. I was a little confused, because I don't have tonsils. I knew I couldn't get "true" tonsillitis without them. After that I sort of assumed I was coming down with laryngitis, or at the very worst a chronic cough.

Five days have passed since last Saturday. I have gotten progressively sicker, and sicker. I decided last night, as I was up all night coughing so hard that I gagged myself and nearly vomited, that I should see a doctor. So, I spent my morning calling around for a walk in clinic. I don't have insurance so usually most actual doctors offices won't see me. I won't even get into how healthcare fails those without insurance. I will just say that today I called a walk in clinic. I will reinforce that once more, a WALK IN CLINIC. I asked them what time they opened and when I could come in. The woman told me they were open from 9 am-6 pm and that I could be seen at any time. Fair enough, I thought to myself. She proceeded to ask me what I needed to be seen for. Of course, I sound like a forty year old male smoker right now, and my voice cracks when I speak. In fact, I barely have a voice at all. So, I smirked to myself and managed to squeak out, "My throat! Heh." Just then the woman on the other end of the line says to me, "Okay ma'am, have we ever seen you here before?" I told her no that we just moved to town. She says, "Okay, that's no problem. So, what kind of insurance do you have?" I hesitated for a moment and said that I didn't have any insurance. I am what the health care system classifies as "Self Pay." Suddenly, her tone changes and I hear the following... "Oh, you know what ma'am, it looks like we're not actually taking any new patients right now." And with that, she hung up.

Does anyone else see what's wrong with this picture? I will give you a hint, read the previous paragraph and search for the large, bold printed letters. Now, read what they say. This walk-in clinic....isn't taking new patients? How is that so? Legally, If I were to have gone in there without calling, I would be required medical care. Would I not? From what I've been told, the state of Tennessee does not allow for anyone to turn you down for medical care based on insurance coverage, race, age, sex, etc. So, how does this walk-in clinic suddenly remember that they can't see me, once they're aware that I'm without insurance? It's bullshit. That's besides the point.

I finally found an "Express Care" clinic in town. They were one out of nine places I called that would actually see me, or still existed. (Way to be out of date Google!) This so called clinic was located inside of a drug store pharmacy. There was one doctor inside of this clinic, and the clinic itself was nothing more than an 8 by 8 room built within the pharmacy.

I wound up sitting in an uncomfortable chair for over an hour waiting to be seen. There were people in front of, behind, and beside me that were as sick as I was. A man behind me wouldn't stop using nasal spray, and I cringed every time I heard it squirt up his nose as he snorted. Ugh...It made my skin crawl. Out of all the people there, I was the second to last to be seen.

When I finally got into the office, the usual things took place. My ears were checked, my sinus was checked, my blood pressure, heart rate, lungs, etc. The doctor looked at me, talked to me, and listened to me for a few minutes. When she finally came to her conclusion I wasn't surprised. It was bronchitis........again. I've had it twice before in the past four or five years, but never with a loss of voice like this. That was the part that threw me off. So, I asked her if it was contagious because I had a husband, an elderly man, and an infant living in my home. This is a fun variety of people that you don't want getting sick. (Side note: My daughter is screaming her head off right now, and it's breaking my heart because I can't touch her.)

The Doctor, whose name I never caught, gave me an empathetic smile and said, "This is very contagious. I'm afraid you need to avoid contact with anyone for the next 24 hours." I momentarily grinned as I thought that I could have 24 hours free, to myself. Of course, it hit me like a ton of bricks a few seconds later that I don't WANT 24 hours by myself. I hate being away from my daughter! I hate being away from the family! I hate isolation! Most importantly, my daughter needs me and I hate hearing her cries and not being able to go near her. I know it's for the best, but it's so hard. Daddy and I have very different parenting styles. He is a fend for yourself, but I'll be there if you really need me kind of guy. Where as I'm mommy. I'm there when she cries, when she falls, when she fusses, when she slips. I'm a bit more hands on/spoil her rotten, than he is.

I took the receipt she wrote out for her services, and went to get my prescriptions filled. Oh yes, that would be plural. Not one, not two, but three medications for the next six days.The clinic visit plus 3 medications totaled $102.00. (That's actually not bad considered the medications I got, and the clinic alone was $60.)

Say hello to my arsenal of medications. Here, we have horsepills...which are of course fun to take with a sore throat. Then, we have the nastiest syrup I've taken in my life. It's so bad I literally got goosebumps and my skin wouldn't stop crawling for five minutes after I took it. And last but not least, the ever addicting and oh so scary, methylprednisolone. I will be starting off with 6 pills a day, and tapering down to one on the last day. They do this because it's an addictive, habit forming drug. I'm actually terrified of it. I will be taking seven pills tomorrow, plus syrup every 4 hours. I am not looking forward to this. So, just in case anyone ever questions just how sick you can get with bronchitis, I think I am your answer.

Luckily for me, my husband has today off. It is his ONLY day off, and he's takin care of the baby. She refused to nap for him, is teething, and is in a horrible mood. She cries for me non stop, and I feel like a terrible parent for ignoring her cries. I know that if anything happens, daddy will be there for her. It's just hard when you are the primary caregiver every day since birth. I'm the one who is with her while she's sick, teething, crying, hurting, aching, or suffering in any way. I'm the one who gets up with her every single night when she wakes up, and she sleeps with me when she's sick so that she feels comfortable enough to rest. With me being sick, I feel like I'm failing her. I know I can't be super mom, but damn it I want to try. She deserves to have me around when she needs me, even if I'm sick. Fortunately for me, as a good mother I recognize that with her already being sick, and myself also being sick with two separate bugs, we shouldn't be together. It's breaking my heart, but I'm doing my best to get better. I'm about to lie back down, watch some more Law and Order: SVU and rest. The two medications I took today made me drowsy, but I couldn't sleep hearing her cries.

I have also been ordered by the doctor to have hot soups, and hot liquids. No more sprite, no dairy (which I have to avoid per one medicine anyways, alongside sunlight and vitamins) and I have to rest as much as I can without talking. If you know me, you know it's fairly hard for me to keep my mouth shut. So, wish me well...I need to get better soon!

And to end this blog, I will present to you the medications that I'm taking for the next week. Ready?

1.) methylprednisolone 4mg-This is an addictive substance. Use with caution.
SIDE EFFECTS that may occur while you are taking Methylprednisolone (pak) 21 4mg Tablets include dizziness; facial flushing; feeling of whirling motion; headache; or increased sweating. If they continue or are bothersome, check with your doctor. CONTACT YOUR DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY if you experience bloody, black, or tarry stools; changes in body fat; changes in menstrual periods; chest pain; fainting; fever, chills, or sore throat; increased hunger, thirst, or urination; mental or mood changes; muscle pain, weakness, or wasting; seizures; severe nausea or vomiting; slow wound healing; stomach pain; sudden severe dizziness or headache; swelling of feet or legs; tendon, bone, or joint pain; thinning of the skin; unusual bruising or bleeding; unusual skin sensations; unusual weight gain; vision changes or other eye problems; or vomit that looks like coffee grounds. AN ALLERGIC REACTION to Methylprednisolone (pak) 21 4mg Tablets is unlikely, but seek immediate medical attention if it occurs. Symptoms of an allergic reaction include rash; hives; itching; difficulty breathing; tightness in the chest; or swelling of the mouth, face, lips, or tongue. This is not a complete list of all side effects that may occur. If you have questions about side effects, contact your healthcare provider. Call your doctor for medical advice about side effects.

2.) Ciprofloxacin-The warning label reads Caution: AVOID sunlight, vitamins, dairy products, and antacids.
Side effects may include:

dizziness, fainting, fast or pounding heartbeat;
sudden pain or swelling near your joints (especially in your arm or ankle);
diarrhea that is watery or bloody;
confusion, hallucinations, depression, unusual thoughts or behavior;
seizure (convulsions);
pale or yellowed skin, dark colored urine, fever, weakness;
urinating less than usual or not at all;
easy bruising or bleeding;
numbness, tingling, or unusual pain anywhere in your body;
fever, sore throat, and headache with a severe blistering, peeling, and red skin rash; or
the first sign of any skin rash, no matter how mild.

Less serious ciprofloxacin side effects may include:

nausea, vomiting;
dizziness or drowsiness;
blurred vision;
feeling nervous, anxious, or agitated;
sleep problems (insomnia or nightmares); or
increased sensitivity of the skin to sunlight.

3.) Cheratussin AC Syrup-The warning label reads Caution: Taking more of this medication than instructed can cause serious breathing problems. May cause drowsiness, alcohol will intensify this effect. Do not drink or operate heavy machinery.
Side effects include:

severe dizziness or drowsiness;
confusion, hallucinations, unusual thoughts or behavior;
urinating less than usual or not at all; or
slow heart rate, weak pulse, fainting, weak or shallow breathing.

Less serious side effects include:

dizziness, drowsiness, headache;
warmth, redness, or tingling under your skin;
nausea, vomiting, upset stomach;
constipation; or
skin rash or itching.

Peace, Love, and Terrifying Medications
Sarah V.

Just For Fun...

2010-03-10T18:32:00.000-08:00

Today, I was talkin to my friend Quinn and she told me to check my blog comments online, so I did. I was surprised to see that I had been given a creative blogger award by Christy!! (Yay!)

So what this means is that I have to post 7 things about myself. The catch is, that only one of these things will be true. The rest will be OUTRAGEOUS lies! Are you ready? Let's see if you can guess the truth! Be sure to post your guesses.

1.) I am 1/16 Asian.
2.) I am only 5'3.
3.) I once married Paul Rudd in Vegas.
4.) I LOVE Sushi.
5.) I HATE cats.
6.) I wear a size 7 shoe.
7.) My middle name is Maurice.

There you have it people. Sure, they're not really outrageous, but I'm just not an outrageous lie kind of person! And since I'm too sick and lazy to currently tag anyone else to do this....

Quinn & Nathalie...you're up!

Peace, Love, and Sore Throats
Sarah V.

Working Hard or Hardly Working?

2010-03-10T08:37:00.000-08:00

I hate being sick. I feel like I'm failing myself! I know I need to be healthy before I can dive into another workout routine or diet, but damn it...I FEEL USELESS! My throat is killing me, I can't take a breath without having a coughing fit, and I'm losing my voice. I'm on strict instructions not to speak today so that my voice doesn't give out all together. That would make being a stay at home mom a little more difficult. I spend a lot of my day talking to Emma.

The title of my blog is Working Hard or Hardly Working. I feel that during our 6 week challenge, I busted my ass. But, ever since that ended I've had to overcome struggle after struggle, and obstacle after obstacle. I bought my elliptical, and I've only been able to use it a handful of times. It's in the basement, so I can only use it while Emma sleeps. The past 3-4 days Emma has only slept with me, so that kills that workout plan.

It hurts when I eat, but I'm still forcing myself to do it. I have been trying to drink more water, but since I got sick my hubby once again has brought me home some Sprite. Okay.....OKAY, it was my idea! I need sprite and 7 up when I'm sick, I just do. I JUST DO OKAY! Jeez. Right...okay, where was I?

I used to work hard. I felt like I was getting things done. I made all the time I could to work out. I did my cardio. I ate well. I tried my absolute best, even when I didn't feel like it. Now, all of these things I can no longer do are getting me down. Luckily, I'm not snacking. I'm not eating junk. I'm not overeating. I'm just not.........getting much done in terms of working out. I feel like no matter what I do, something is blocking my path. Does that make sense? I want to be healthy, I want it to be nice, and I want to have some ME time to get myself back into shape. I feel so lazy. Then, I feel guilty. I hate feeling lazy, AND guilty. This is slightly depressing.

Guilty/lazy/guilty/lazy/guilty...
it's a never ending pattern. I am doing better with my eating. I used to eat when I felt depressed, and now I try to drink water instead. I used to buy salty snacks, junk food, and Dr. Pepper. Now, I buy sliced apples, water, and fruits. I'm noticing that I'm far more energetic just with the change of diet, but that I have nothing to do with my energy at the moment. I can't wait until it gets nicer out. I'm going to attempt to walk every day with Emma. I usually lose most of my weight in the summer anyhow!

This blog has become hard for me to follow. I haven't said what I wanted to say because my mind is racing. I need to collect my thoughts, and blog again later. I just wanted to point out that this journey is for a lifetime, and sometimes we all are going to hit bottom, if only momentarily. I feel like that's where I am right now. I'm sitting at the bottom, staring up at everyone else, wishing I could be as determined as them. I need motivation, I need determination, I need to be healthy, and I need a babysitter! Ugh...*PULLS OUT HAIR*

Well, this blog is once again rambling. I'm trying to do too much at once while I write. I am talking to Quinn, watching CSI, checking facebook, and trying to figure out what to make for dinner. I'm also trying to figure out how to get burnt on cooking spray off a coated pan. :( Sorry if my blog makes no sense to you.....my mind is a never ending cesspool of randomness.

Peace, Love, and Cough Drops
Sarah V.

Todays Weight Related Blog.

2010-03-09T11:27:00.000-08:00

This was after our wedding in September 2008. Yes, I was pregnant

the day we got married. I gave birth about 3 weeks later.

This is my biggest weight, and I was 262 lbs.

=======================================

September 2009

9/7/09.

This was after I'd lost all my baby weight. I was back

down to about 197 pounds. I was even wearing pre-baby jeans

in this picture. However, I did it the unhealthy way and gained

it all back pretty quickly.

=======================================

Today:

I have a long way to go, but I've come a long way too.

I am only 4 pounds more than pre baby. I just have to tone a lot of areas.

I am still looking to lose 15-20 more pounds.

This is going to be a long journey.

It will also be worth it.

Day Three.

2010-03-09T09:32:00.000-08:00

Well, today is day three of the sickness. I had hoped that things would improve by now, but if anything they're worse. I haven't slept in days, I am grumpy, and I feel just plain run down. Yuck.

Yesterday, we took miss Emma to the doctor. We were there for an hour and a half, and were told that she had tonsillitis. She had a steroid shot, followed by tylenol/motrin, and then azithromycin. She came home from the doctor and took a short nap, but then was still pretty bad the rest of the day. I had hoped that at bed time she would be better, but it was quite the opposite. We were up until 1 a.m. with her last night. Out of no where she threw the biggest, worst, all time scariest fit I've ever seen. Now, if you know Emma, you are aware that she is a great child. She doesn't throw fits, or tantrums. She's perfectly content to play alone, and if she wants you she will run up and give you a hug. Oh, and she loves her stuffed bunny.

So, let's talk about last night..
I decided to let Emma stay up late since she had been sick. I was hoping it would wear her down a bit. So when 9 pm rolled around, we tried to get her ready for bed. 40 minutes later she woke up screaming. These screams were the worst I'd ever heard come from her mouth. Andrew and I both literally ran into her room because she screamed so hard she began to choke and gag. I ran into her room, and scooped her up in my arms. She was fire engine red, her eyes were black and purple from exhaustion, and she couldn't stop rubbing her face so hard that it hurt. She arched her back, kicked her feet, threw her favorite bunny, screamed and screamed, and then pushed me away. I tried to set her down, but she ran right back. I picked her up, but once again she threw herself to the floor, arching her back, kicking her feet, and wailing like you've never seen. We decided to try to take her for a car ride, because nothing else was working. Then, she started clawing herself. Vigorously. She tried to rip her diaper off, she kept grabbing at her girl parts, and then she clawed the shit out of herself. Her back, her chest, everywhere. It was like she was trying to tear her flesh off. All the meanwhile, the screaming got worse, louder, and scarier. She has tonsillitis, so all of this screaming is, of course, only making things worse!

About the car ride:
In an effort to help her out, we grabbed her blankie, her bunny, and threw her in the car. We had hoped a car ride would calm her down, because that's how Andrew had gotten her to take a 30 minute nap earlier in the day. I climbed in the backseat with her, trying keep her calm. Instead, she threw her blankie, threw her bunny, and started to rub her face so hard it looked like she almost punched herself. Then, out of the blue she began BITING herself. She was biting her fingers so hard it left dents. All the while, she's still arching her back, kicking the back of Andrews seat, clinching her fists, and screaming straight from the throat. It was the scariest thing I've ever seen her do.

After ten minutes we realized the car ride wasn't working, it was making things worse. Her being restrained was just pissing her off more. So, we got home and decided to try a warm bath. I stripped her down and put her in the warm bath. Bath time is her favorite time in the world. Even while she was in the tub she was screaming and clawing herself. Her stomach was covered in scratches, as well as her back. Then randomly, while we were bathing her, she would grab her lady bits and scream bloody murder.

As all of this was going on, I made daddy go look up the address and number to the local ER. I decided that if she didn't stop within the hour, we were taking her in. As he was looking those things up, I sat in front of the tub and tried to calm her down. She was still crying quite a bit, but I got her to play with my hair long enough to calm down. Of course, she didn't stop entirely, but it was helping. We also gave her a cup of juice while she was in the tub, which confused and amused her greatly. Awkwardly, it was the only way we could get her to drink.

She finally calmed down after her bath, but just long enough to run around with mommy and daddy til about midnight. Daddy had to work at 6 am, so he left both of us sick ladies to get his butt to bed. Emma and I put on family guy, while I rocked her in the chair. She finally fell asleep at 1 a.m. so I carefully laid her down (she didnt wake up, woohoo!) and went to bed. ...........Then she woke me up at 230 freaking out again.

This time I just decided to lay on the couch with her. I turned on an episode of friends, and we passed out. We were up at 230, 445, 7, and then for good at 930. She is still screaming and throwing a fit, and it seems the medicine is making things worse. SO-I called the doctor.

The receptionist wouldn't put me on the phone with a nurse or the doctor, so she relayed the message for me. The nurse told me it sounded like it might be a "reaction" (duh) to the medicine. Instead of switching her medicine, they decided to give her 1/2 tsp of zyrtec with her meds to see if that helps. After all, she's been on azithromycin twice before with no symptoms. However, this is the first time she was on it immediately after taking a large dose of steroids. So, we will see how she does after she gets her dose tonight.

As for the rest of the family...
Hi, I'm mom. I'm still sick. I could barely use my voice this morning, and I'm having a hard time eating. When I get sick that's the one thing I tend to do. I don't eat. My throat feels like it's on fire, so the last thing I want to do is irritate it. I did manage to force myself to eat a tiny bit this morning, and I will continue to try the rest of the day. It has been 3 days that I've been sick, and all of the Dayquill and cough drops I'm sucking on, only seem to be making things worse. I am hoping that things get better soon, because it has been sixty degrees all week!! I want to get OUT. I want to go to the park, and go for another walk, and enjoy the weather outdoors. I just want to wake up feeling healthy tomorrow.

As for daddy...well, he texted me from work today and said "I'm currently stuck in the bathroom where I keep getting sick." Oh, that's just great. As if being sick myself for days and taking care of Emma wasn't bad enough. Now there are 3 sick people in the house?! He came home for lunch, barely said two words, ate his food, then rested in the chair. He kept groaning about how tired he was, and I really just wanted to pop him upside the head. I said "OHhhhhhhh yeah? ME TOO!" Because, well quite frankly he's slept in a nice, big bed, alone for the past 3 nights. He has been able to sleep, and I have not. It's not really fair of him to complain about being tired, when I'm the one whose been up for the past 3 nights, BUT alas.......he is entitled to his feelings. (grumbles angrily)

So, that's kind of how my week has been thus far. I am still planning on getting back on routine, if I ever get healthy again. If there's one thing about me that you need to know, it's that when I get sick.......I get SICK. It's never just a little bug. I am prone to bronchitis and have had it twice in the past few years. Last year I found out I had a nodule on my lung from a disease I didn't even know I had. I forget the name of it, but it happens when an infected bird is around you, or when you inhale the air that has been infected by a bird. Even being around a hot sidewalk can give it to you. I took some medicine for 2 weeks and was fine, but I have scar tissue on my lungs that I didn't know about. Isn't that something? I'm always getting sick, and now Emma is as well. I hope we get better soon. This week has been pure hell. PLUS, she has about forty million teeth coming in at once. Her mouth looks like it has hills growing under ALL her gums. It's been a rough week, someone wanna come help a sister out? I'll pay you in juice!

Wish me luck that the rest of the week improves....or I may just keel over.

Peace, Love, and Medicine
Sarah V.

Sick Ladies...

2010-03-08T11:14:00.000-08:00

Hello again my favorite blogateers! How are you all on this fine Monday? It is beautiful outside. The sun is shining, the grass is green, and it's sixty degrees out. Oh, and.....all the girls in the house are sick. *coughs* Happy Monday...

Yesterday I got zero sleep. I was going to take nyquill, watch movies, and pass out. Well, I didn't take Nyquill, I did watch movies until I passed out...but was then awoken at 2 am by the blood curdling screams of a toddler. My husband was supposed to get up with her since I wasn't feeling well, but he didn't even flinch at her terrifying screams. I grabbed my pillow and blanket, and headed to the couch. We both slept there until she woke me up with those same terrifying screams at 7:45 a.m.

I waited until ten after 8, and I called the doctor. They opened at 8, but no one answered. It went straight to machine twice. I kept hitting the redial button until someone answered. Emma was in the background screaming like you've never heard. The receptionist asked me "What does she need to be seen for?" Just then, she hears Emmas screams and says "Can you have her here at 11:15?" So...we had to entertain a hurt, screaming toddler for 3 hours. It was ROUGH, to say the least.

We got her to the doctor at 11, and we didn't leave until 12:30. They ran strep tests, AND flu tests on her. She had a rash on her stomach all the way down her legs and on her booty. I felt so bad. Luckily we got her in quickly. The strep test was negative, but her tonsils were swollen, and her throat red. They said it was probably too early for the strep test to pick it up, so it was officially deemed that she had tonsillitis. She wound up having a fever of 100.3 when we took her in, and 101 this morning. It has been that way all weekend. We opted to give her a steroid shot, because her throat was so swollen. The doctors said she had an opening about the size of a dime or so to get her food down, which is why she hadn't been eating and had randomly been gagging on her food. It's scary to hear that your childs throat is swelling shut. Daddy and I both ended up having to hold her down while she got her steroid shot. She had of course been screaming through the entire visit, which is an absolute first for her. We got home a while ago, and she finally laid down for some much needed sleep. I hope she gets to feeling better soon, but I'm not looking forward to a week of medicine and alternating Tylenol and Motrin.

What all of this has to do with weight loss is this....I'm sick. My daughters sick. I haven't slept. I haven't worked out. I've done nothing but parent, and I'm exhausted. Today was supposed to be the start of my new diet, but I don't want to start out while Im sick. I want to start my diet on a healthy note! I want to feel 100% before I start working out vigerously, and getting into it again. Currently, my throat is on fire, I have a cough, and a lot of other nasty things going on in my chest that I don't care to blog about. Emma is contagious, but I don't have tonsils. I'm sure I have something very similar, but since daddy and grandpa both DO have tonsils she is contagious until 24 hours after she starts her meds. That means I'm on sick duty for Emma, while being sick myself. YAY? And the worst part is, when we left the dr's office daddy wanted to get some fast food. I opted for a ham and cheese sandwhich (360 calories) but then i caved and had a small fry. (380 cal) I am still doin fairly well with my eating habits calorie wise, but I need to eat healthier.

Sorry if this blog was hard to follow, it's been one of those days..........(and i Haven't slept much in 48 hours.) I guess you could say it's definitely a Monday.

Peace, Love, and Prescription Meds
Sarah V.

My sick baby resting on the couch.

(taken with grandpa's kodak)

Isn't this just the saddest face you've seen today?

She looks so miserable...

Sword Swallowing...

2010-03-07T16:02:00.000-08:00

No, I didn't swallow a sword! I'm just starting to feel like someone played a cruel joke on me and shoved one down my throat while I slept. The past 18 hours have been very yucky.

Emma woke up at about 130 this morning, just as I was drifting off to sleep. We were up until 4 am. She had a fever of 101, and it took me a lot of hours, and a bit of tylenol to get her back to sleep. Just then, a HUGE budget truck, and 2 cars pull in across the street. People are moving in at 4 am. WHAT THE FRICK? So...I stared out the window trying to burn them with my firestarter abilities....unfortunately, I failed. I ended up waiting around to see what shenanigans they were up to. When they unloaded 10 dogs from the back of a tiny little coupe, stood around the yard screaming, hollering, slamming doors, and then trying to gather up the dogs they had released who were now attacking the shit out of each other....I decided to call the cops. Yes, I'm a snitch. What you gonna do 'bout it, punk?

Emma had only JUST fallen asleep. I was NOT about to let some assholes wake her back up. I didn't care that they just arrived here at four in the morning, they didn't have to start UNLOADING then. Did they? Also, what family of 4 has enough dogs that it requires 4-6 people to unload them? I suppose I should mention there is already a family of 4 living across the street, and they just added 5 more. The entire front yard across the street looks like a junk yard. Everything was unloaded out of the budget truck, and into their yard and driveway. There are also now 4 cars sitting in the street/driveway blocking everyones way. It's ungodly annoying. The house across the street is a 3 bedroom, so where they will be fitting 2 entire families is beyond me. But-I digress. The police officer showed up within 5 minutes, and I heard yelling for the next 15. It seemed like the 2 people who lived in the home were arguing with the police officer about what exactly was going on. I was hoping to see someone get arrested, but no such luck.

The people across the street are ALSO the prime suspects for the destruction of my car. I am already annoyed with them for that. There have been a few 'incidents' in our neighborhood, and everyone believes it to be them. I agree, considering I've seen the kids try to take our mail before. They are delinquents. I guess if nothing else, I just want them to know that I'm watching them. Muahahah.

The bright side of all of this is that my father in law wants to move again. He wants to get a house in the country, a few dogs, teach the hubby how to hunt (ugh, sadface!) and all sorts of other random things. We want to get our own place, and we want to do it soon...so we'll see what happens.

On to a new topic. With my being sick and having a throat of fire, I have failed hardcore at eating AND working out today. I had a bowl of cereal for breakfast, a ham and cheese for lunch, and 2 pieces of ham/pineapple pizza for dinner. Why did I have pizza for dinner? Well, with my being sick-Andrew decided I shouldn't be preparing everyones food. Dad and Drew are the 2 bread winners, and they can't afford to get sick. Suckish, I know.

So tonight my friends, I'm goin to watch my netflix movies, check out some ninjavideo, gulp down some nyquill, and attempt to sleep. Wish me luck. Tomorrow, I start my new 1800 calorie diet/workout plan. I will post more about THAT later.

Peace, Love, and Toe Socks
Sarah V.

Oh, About That...

2010-03-06T16:35:00.000-08:00

So, you can disregard my last blog. What nonsense! Who gets to relax on a Saturday? Haha. Okay, so...pretty much what happened was YOU guilted me. Yes, you! Emma was dead tired today, but refused to take her second nap. It was 57 degrees outside, I was bored, and I thought to myself........why not.

I bundled up the baby, threw on a hoodie and I did it. I went for a damn walk. Yes, me. I hate people, I hate being alone, I hate being out in public with no one to protect me. This was a big step for me. I walked to the stop sign at the end of our street and back. It took exactly half an hour. It isn't an easy trek either. It's all up and down. Do you know how hard it is to push 25 pounds up hill, then down hill, then up and back down twice more? Oh, by the time I got home my legs were crying. I'm pretty proud though, because instead of walking into the house and collapsing in the chair, Emma and I sat outside. We continued to play outside for anther 20 minutes. By then, even daddy had come out to join the fun. So after our walk, we ran around, played, chased each other through the yard, and I took several pictures. Sadly, the sun ruined most of the shots, but I will put a few up anyways....

There you have it. I did a workout, even if it was just walking. I even ate better today. I had a leftover chicken salad sandwhich for lunch, a lean cuisine flat bread melt for a snack (I skipped breakfast cause I slept in too late, and yes I know those things arent very good for you) and then I made a DELICIOUS dinner. It was a pork tenderloin glazed with honey, honey mustard, brown sugar, apple cider vinegar, and cooked for half an hour. I served it with peas and mashed potatos. It was delicious.

In other news, I've decided to try to go back on my old diet. It worked amazingly well for me last time, and I think it's time that I'm determined enough to try it. A few years back I did the alli diet. I logged into their website today and checked my stats. According to them I'm pretty overweight w/a BMI of 27. (double sadface) but the recommendation for my diet hadn't changed since the last time I checked in. They recommend for me to eat 4-6 small meals a day, 1800 calories per day, and no more than 19 grams of fat per meal for my 3 big meals. Including drinks. It's going to take a bit for me to figure out the math, and stick to this plan...but I'm going to give it a shot. As it is, I'm just trying to keep it under 2000 calories and I've hit a plateau. So..wish me luck! I will keep you all updated, per usual.

Peace, Love, and Toe Socks
Sarah V.

This is only half of the length of what we walked. The entire walk took us 15 minutes to get there, and another 15 to get back. Also, The above photo is Emma making silly faces and trying to mimic the birdies.

This is Emma and I after we got back from our walk. Excuse the fact that I look like absolute garbage, but I just threw my hair up and off we went. Plus, is it just me or do my eyes look a big psychotic? (Glares at you, waiting for an answer.)

Sleepy Saturday...

2010-03-06T07:58:00.000-08:00

So Nathalie just wrote this blog post that made me feel incredibly guilty. Saturday is my one and only day. It's the one day out of the week that I get to sleep in, my husband gets up with the baby, feeds her, dresses her, takes care of her, and lets me lie peacefully in my bed for hours. The other 6 days out of the week, I'm super mom. Yes, SUPER MOM.

You see, my husband has sleep apnea. He barely gets any rest as is, and if his sleep is interrupted whatsoever, he is a crabby, tired, sleepy, sloppy, nonfunctional mess. I learned early on that as long as he worked, he had to sleep. And, as long as he had to sleep...I had to be awake. This means that M-F and again on Sunday I have zero me time. I do what I can during the day, but there is no time set aside specifically for mommy. That's where Saturday comes in....

Saturday is the day my hubby works 3rd shift. That means that he gets up and helps out with the baby until about 5 pm, when he goes to bed. He gets up at 10, and leaves for work an hour later. I don't see him again until Sunday morning, and even then it's only a glimpse of him as he crashed into bed. He wakes up around 3 pm.

There have been SEVERAL occasions where I had to stay up alone for 3 solid days with my daughter. I can recall a time just a few months back when she had strep. We weren't aware of her strep, but things got pretty bad. I kept insisting we take her to the doctor, but my husband and his father don't "like medicine or doctors." So, naturally I have to convince them somethings wrong. Nonetheless, my daughter was awake for 72 solid hours. We pulled the recliner in front of the television, and I bought 3 new movies. I watched movies and rocked her all day...and all night. She wouldn't eat, cried when she drank, she had a fever so bad she was sweating, and if she did occasionally fall asleep it was for only 20 minutes at a time. At the end of day 3, when no one got to enjoy the sweet surrender of sleep for 3 days, the men finally agreed to let me take her into the doctor. Meanwhile, the day before my husband had decided to give her orange juice because she was 'sick' and it would help. Well- the reason things got so much worse that last day was because the acid in the oj burned her poor little throat. Her strep was so bad that her back and the entire front of her body were covered in a GIANT RASH. That was my final straw, and I took her in to the dr. They had to give her antibiotics and by the time we got home she was out cold. The problem was that the rash was painful so she could only sleep if I were holding her, and her head rested on my body. It took another day or two for the rash to go away. I was up all day, all night, all day, all night....it was all me. Because-well, I'm super mom.

My husband does what he can, don't get me wrong. He changes her once in a while, he feeds her dinner every night, and gives her a bath a few times a week...but it's just not the same. I told him if we have a son, roles are reversing and it will all be up to him. Of course, the perk of what I do is that my daughter loooooooooooooves me. She always comes right to mommy, loving on me, hugging me, and calling my name. She knows I'm always going to be there for her, just like I always have been. She's my whole world, and even with as tiresome as it is-I love being super mom.

So, back to the topic of my story. Saturdays are mommy days. Sure, it only lasts a few hours, but that's long enough for a shower, a workout, or just some relaxation on my end. I would get up and workout, but today I felt like lounging around. I don't know, nor have I ever worked out on the weekend. I try to do something 5 days a week, even if its just as little as walking, but weekends are my time.

So, today I woke up at 930. I got up, took my vitamins, went to the bathroom, and stared at myself in the mirror. I was thinking about how bad my hair looked, how badly I need to hop in the shower, and how little motivation I have to do that. My husband wants to finish cleaning the house today, so I might as well shower after that. I know I will get hot and sweaty. I began spring cleaning yesterday and scrubbed all the floors.

After I finished staring at myself in the mirror, I looked down at my scale. My arch nemesis. I had eaten so much food this last week, that I gained nearly 2 pounds! I was disgusted, disappointed, and shocked that I could gain 2 lbs in 3 days time!! So, after eating a very low calorie count yesterday, and having cleaned/scrubbed/chased the baby around for the past few days, I decided to weigh myself. I stripped naked, took off my glasses, and stepped on the scale. I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, and waited until I thought the number would show. I opened one eye, and peeked down nervously.......200.2. Hooray! I have lost the 2 lbs I gained while I was out. (It was probably the 50 sprites and bloat from the carbonation.) Now...it's just time to get back under that pesky 2 again!! If I see 199.9 this week, I will be happy.

The only thing that is bothering me, is that I feel like I'm yoyo-ing between 199 and 202. I want to get down to 195...then 190...then 185...and we will go from there!!!!!! For now, I feel like I look great from the side. I have a little chunk left, but who doesn't? The front where the skin is a little loose still just makes me look bigger than I am, so It might be time to incorporate some resistance training into my work outs. Now that it's getting nice out, I can't wait to go to the park! They have a walking trail, and my husband plays disc golf there so it would be fun for everyone! Yay. Until then, it's time to kick my butt into gear. Grrrrr. Someone come slap some motivation into me. Just 10-15 lbs left.

Peace, Love, and Absolutely Random Unfollowable Blogs
Sarah V.

The side view, taken in my pj shorts so that there is no "jean bulk" to confuse you.

And per usual, the front view. I think I'm goin to have to accept that fact, that regardless of how much weight I lose...the mom hips are here to stay. :)

TGIF!

2010-03-05T07:06:00.000-08:00

I think I am going to try something new today. Every Friday I'm going to blog about something that makes me happy. I have been struggling with the weight loss, calorie counting, and the guilt associated with weight loss all week. So, today I will write a happy blog. This kind of goes along with Brooke's blog, but I had been thinking of doing something similar for a little while. I guess great minds thing alike.

I will warn you that this is going to be a photo blog! If you don't want your photo up, let me know and I will remove it.

MY BABY GIRL

The first thing that makes me happy is obviously my baby girl. She is getting so big, and growing so fast that it's scary. She has learned how to do things that I could have never imagined her doing so young. (16 months old, and already standing on chairs!) She just makes my whole day brighter. I mean, look at that smile. She is the happiest baby I've ever met. <3

FAMILY

My family is the 2nd thing that makes me happy. The baby was cranky in the first photo, but it's the only recent picture of all 3 of us. We are just so adorable together. Don't you agree? Plus, I love that dorky lookin guy.The rest of the pictures include myself, my mother, my grandfather, my niece, and both little brothers.

FRIENDS

Vintage Sarah and Brooke [Nov '07]

Didn't we look so innocent? :)

Quinn and Harliegh

FRIENDS. Friends make me happy. Friends make everyone happy. It had been a long time since I'd seen any of my friends, and I got to see a few this week. I still miss all of you Iowans though! <3

MY NIECE TAYLYNN

This is my beautiful niece TayLynn. She is now 3 years old. Our family doesn't get to see her much, but we all love her very much. She is my brothers only child, and I hope that when I'm in town again I get to see her. She loves her cousin Emma. <3

PHOTOGRAPHY!!!!

It's kind of a big deal to me.

Momma and her baby (Canon Rebel XSi)

PICTURES I'VE TAKEN:

(Above) Doliver park: Iowa: 2007

MUSIC:

All time low

Augustana

Automatic Loveletter

Boys Like Girls

Cute is what we aim for

Framing Hanley

Faber Drive
Owl City

Forever The Sickest Kids

The Fray

HelloGoodbye

Hey Monday

Hit The Lights

Korn

The Maine

Mayday Parade

NEVERSHOUTNEVER!

Orianthi

The Petit Project

Plain White T's

Quietdrive

Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Relient K

The Scene Aesthetic

Shinedown

Staind

Taking Back Sunday

This Providence

White Tie Affair

and the list goes on, and on, and on, and on...

WEBSITES:

Perez Hilton

DeviantArt

Blogger

PostSecret

Pandora

Ninjavideo

Netflix

TextsFromLastNight

FMyLife

Mylifeisaverage

Myspace

Facebook

Pathetic

Youtube

(Shane Dawson is my favorite youtuber)

This is Shane Dawson.

Photo from this link.

And those are the things that make me happy.
(And all of your blogs of course)

Peace, Love, and Random Friday Blogging

Sarah V.

A Fail Of Epic Proportions..

2010-03-04T19:02:00.000-08:00

Do you remember my last blog? The one about the downfalls of vacationing? Well, after I wrote that things only went from bad to worse. Let's recap, shall we?

This is the food I ate while on vacation. It's pretty hard to turn down restaurant/fast food when there are 6 people pressuring you to eat it. This is what I ate on my vacation.

Tuesday:

Bacon, Egg, and Cheese McGriddle=420 calories
drink: sprite=210 calories

Dominos pizza: pan crust, white sauce, chicken, and bacon=around 300 cal per slice @ 3 slices=900 calories!!!!!!!!!!
drink: 12 oz sprite=140 calories

Quesadilla Rellena: A flour tortilla with Chicken or Steak Fajita with onions, bell peppers, tomatoes with rice on the side=700 calories (OUCH!) [[and this was the "HEALTHY" portion of the menu!]]
drink: sprite w/no ice=210 calories

Snack: honey nut cheerio snack mix=130 cal

Tuesdays total calorie intake: 2710. Which is 1,000 OVER my daily calorie limit.
Exercise: 1 hour walking at a very slow pace while shopping=225 calories burned

Total after exercise: 2485 calories consumed

WEDNESDAY:

no breakfast
Golden corral buffet for lunch.
(mixed fruit, carrots, 1 piece lasagna, mashed potatos. (uncalculatable, but relatively decent))

Cheddars for supper:
8 oz sirloin steak=400 calories
mashed potatos=180 calories
broccoli cheese casserole=110 calories
mudslide=480 calories (shame on me.)

Total calories: 1170 + buffet (guessing 700 calories?)

TOTAL CALORIES GUESSED: 1870 (?)

THURSDAY:

No breakfast

Lunch @ Christys bakery=ham and cheese on egg battered bread (320 cal) w/ a side of fresh fruit (97 cal)
drink: chocolate milk=220 cal

Snack: 1/2 bag single serve doritos (70) and a root beer(200)=270

Supper: Strawberry frosted mini wheats w/2 serv milk =300 cal

TOTAL: 1277 give or take 100.

So.........thats my week. It looks like ill be working out a lot this week to try to work off everything I ate. Luckily, next time we are bringing our OWN Food and cooking. It's just hard when you're staying with a friend, and the easiest solution is eating out. Oh, btw this food wasn't free. This took a HUGE chunk out of our bank accounts. I hope that I can be a prime example of how NOT to vacation. But, i'm going to take the weekend to recover...and Monday its back to the old routine. We all fall off the horse sometimes, so now its time to dust myself off and try again. Wish me luck.

Peace, Love, and Guilt :(
Sarah V.

The Downfall Of Vacations...

2010-03-03T11:15:00.000-08:00

Well, we have been in Cookeville for a little over 24 hours, and so far it's been fun. We spent last night hanging out with all of our friends. I know what you're wondering...whats the downfall of a vacation? I'll tell you.

Yesterday, we spent 3 hours in the car. Instead of eating before we left we agreed to just grab something quick on the way. I got a bacon, egg, and cheese mcgriddle from McDonalds. I was thinking that would be it for us, so I felt pretty good. Then, we got to town. Everyone wanted to grab a bite to eat, and since we were visiting no one wanted to cook. This meant......yep, you guessed it-we ate out again....for both meals.

So, yesterday we spent breakfast, lunch, and dinner eating out. Luckily, I watched what I ate, stopped when I was full, and tried to keep my calories to a minimum. I'm going to have to work my ass off when I get back home. Today, I had some honey nut cheerio mix for breakfast. Since we are staying in a 1 bedroom apartment with our friends, there's not a lot of room to do much. There are 4 adults and an infant staying here!

Today, we were going to go to walmart to get some food to cook for lunch. It sounded like a good plan, until the baby fell asleep. She hadn't slept at all last night, or yesterday so we decided to let her sleep until she woke up. She is sleeping in a Queen size bed like a big girl. It's making me so sad. Since she's asleep the boys wanted to eat NOW and ordered a pizza. Le sigh. This is going to be a bad food weekend, I can already tell. But-I'm trying to keep things to a minimum. So, wish me luck with the rest of the week. We decided to spend one extra day here so we won't be home until Thursday afternoon/evening.

Sorry this is a random blog but I am trying to be quick. I look forward to reading your blogs and comments.

Peace, Love, and Sleeping babies.
Sarah V.

Photographic Evidence

2010-03-01T14:02:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure if anyone can tell a difference, and If you don't want to see my bare flesh I suggest you stop viewing this blog IMMEDIATELY.

I will give you some time to close out of this page before you scroll down to see the newest pictures i've posted. There is a lot of skin involved, so If you are squeamish-don't look.

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Are you ready for this?

Here is the saggy reminder of my 70 pound weight gain, and loss. I know it isn't as much as I lead you to believe but I still think it's pretty gross. Also,

1.) Yes, those are my pajamas

and

2.) The garbage bag was thrown in there after a frantic bedroom cleaning spree.

[If you haven't noticed the bathroom is our go to place for junk..]

So-those are my 'morning' photos. And since I have been posting pictures of other 'size16' people I thought I would put one up where you could maybe see a little resemblance size wise...maybe.

I know it's not the easiest thing to see given the different outfits, but if you look close enough you'll see that the measurements are pretty similar. My chest is larger, our waists are similar, and you cant see her hips because of the dress. (Camouflaging, how genius!) So you see, when I say I know what it feels like to be a 14/16 I'm not kidding. But hey, I look pretty good for a big girl. :)

I hope you enjoyed my random photo bloggggggggggg.

And now, RANDOMMMMMMMMM DANCING.

(Dances away randomly)

Peace, Love, and Nickelodeon

Sarah V.

Fat Rant-Part 2.

2010-03-01T13:49:00.000-08:00

Time For A Reality Check...

2010-02-28T21:51:00.001-08:00

Okay, so I am here once again to vent. If you haven't been here before, then I should tell you that I just write randomly. So, today's topic of conversation is:

LINGERIE MODELS

So, for anyone who doesn't know me, I will let you all in on a little bitty secret....I'm pretty opinionated. Maybe that's not such a secret after all. Now, hear me out before you roll your eyes at "yet another weight related blog." Just sit down, eat some popcorn, and read what I have to say. You don't have to agree with it, but if you didn't want random blogging, well, what the heck did you come here for?

RaNdOm PoIntLeSs NuMbErS:

At the age of 15, I could fit into a teeny, tiny size 6. Yes me, in a size 6. Amazing!!

At the age of 16, I gained 30+ pounds. My size 6, suddenly went to a size 12/14. I found this perfectly acceptable at the time. I still looked pretty good considering I was just over 160 lbs.

At the age of 19, I lost a bunch of weight and was back into a size 11. Hooray for me. Right?

At the age of 21, I weighed 195 lbs. I stood 5 foot, eleven inches tall. I wore a size 40DD. And, I was in a size 14 for good.

And now, finally......where I am today.

I am a size 14/16 but I prefer a size 16 so that I can pull my jeans up 'mom style' to help camo the gut. I weigh 199 pounds, and I am a 40DDD/F bra size. I am no where near as happy with my body as I once was, but I know that if I were to ever become a size 6 again, I would look scary ill.

Now that all of those random pointless numbers have been shoved into your head, let me give you a visual.

This woman is a 'supposed' size 6. Imagine, if she's a size 6 what a size zero might look like. I'm not saying their arent HEALTHY people who are naturally that small, but some of these people are not meant to be this small. Keep reading, just keep reading.

Now, here we have the other end of the spectrum. This woman is a US size 16. Do I look like her? No. Do I look like the size six model? No. So what am I here to bitch about? Well, I'll tell you what. While I may not have the "fit fat" shape that the size 16 model does, I do have very similar measurements. I have recently begun trying to love my own body regardless of it's size. I know that I'm a happy, healthy mother. I know that I have a husband who loves me, friends who love me, and I know that I'm no stranger to the occasional flirt from a random passer by. Now, if all of those people can look past my size 14/16 jeans, why can't I?

Today, I went online to look at some sexy lingerie for myself. I haven't felt good about myself in a long time, and hey-I'm only human. Once in a while we all want to look beautiful. After all, I AM a woman. So, I searched the internet for a while trying to find the best quality and the best buys. I found a few awesome plus sized lingerie stores (I'm considered a 1X thanks to my large chest) but their lingerie is $50 and up. Now, I don't mind paying that once in a while, but I was wanting to buy one or two pieces this time so I kept shopping.

Just as I was about to give up, I was reminded of Fredericks Of Hollywood. I had been told by several people that they carried "plus size" lingerie, and "plus size" bras. Why not check it out for myself? Why not go there and see what they had to offer. I went to their website where I was immediately greeting by the smiling face of a size two model. "Ugh," I said to myself in disgust, "I can't imagine looking like that, and yet I want to." ....No, no, no. I should slap myself for thinking like that. I'm a bigger girl and I need to learn to be okay with that. I will NEVER be a size six again. Just, move on. So, I did.

I took a deep breath, and I clicked the little marking that read "Plus Sizes." Now, since I'm new to the whole "plus size" scene, I thought that it would be nice and refreshing to see women MY size wearing these clothes. I wanted to know how the outfits would look on a girl my size. I wanted to see a woman with a big chest, little waist, and huge hips. Do you want to know what I was greeted with? Well-do you?

IT WAS THE SAME FUCKING MODEL FROM THE MAIN PAGE.

What? Fredericks Of Hollywood, are you too cheap to splurge on a plus size model? It only takes ONE. Are you too afraid she might eat a cupcake on your watch? Do you realize the damage your doing to your own business when girls like myself can't even IMAGINE buying clothes from you, because you discriminate against us. Sure, it may be unintentional but then again, who's to say it isn't? I'm just amazingly agitated that people I know, people I'm friends with, and people who are my size and several, several sizes larger can shop at this store problem free.

Now, I will say that if we had an actual store around where I could go check things out, try things on, see them in person, talk to a sales rep, or a manager....well then, things might be different. But not unlike so many others, I shop online for a reason. Do I have the ability to go to the mall whenever I feel like it? NO, I don't. Do I have the ability to take a day for myself to try on clothes until I find something that fits me like a glove? NO, I don't. I'm a stay at home mother, and we are currently surviving on one family car. A barf green kia rio...and it's my husbands car.

Now, with all of that being said...how many women out there are in their mid twenties, with children, and still wearing a size zero. How many of you hot mamas get to go to the mall, alone, kid free, husband or boyfree free, and just spend all day trying on clothes that absolutely fit you? How many of you can pick up a pair of jeans off a rack, and then another of a totally different style and still fit into them? How many? If you're one of these ladies, I must say that you are either one lucky beyotch, or you worked your ASS OFF for the bod you've got. If that's the case, then kudos to you pretty lady.

So, that's my rant for the day. I wanted to buy some sexy outfits to wear. I wanted to feel pretty in my lacy lingerie with my sexy heels, and I wanted to know that there were still some people out there who didn't look at plus sized people with shame and disappointment. I mean after all, America is the fattest country in the nation. We survive off of fast food, junk food, processed food. We spend all of our money frivolously, and I hate to break it to you but the "plus sized" people are taking over this country. Now, if you have an insult to throw my way. If you think that I need to eat less, workout more, and lay off the carbs, then I've got news for you. I have spent every day of my life fighting a battle with my weight. I have monitored every calorie going in, and every calorie burned. I have starved myself, taken weight loss pills, jammed the handle of my toothbrush down my throat to vomit, taken diet pills while starving myself, and worked out to the point of exhaustion. So trust me, I have tried every quick fix. I have tried every remedy. I have been up and down, up and down, up.......and down, again and again. I have tried my best to fight the battle of the bulge, and the bulge has won.

I am now taking matters into my own hands. I am working out, I am dieting, and I am eating healthy foods. I don't eat a lot of junk, I don't drink my favorite soda, and I am honestly trying to make a life style change. The hardest part of ALL OF THIS.....well, the hardest part isn't losing the weight. The hardest part is learning to accept that my body isn't now, nor will it ever be, the same as it was before all of this.

I took a nine month journey. I watched my body bend, stretch, wriggle, and jiggle in ways I never knew imaginable. I lost sixty pounds in nine months and watched my stomach deflate like an old beach ball. I have done what I'm supposed to do, and all that's left now is for me to continue to live a healthier lifestyle, hope that my body appreciates it and shows me a little gratitude, and for me to learn to love myself exactly the way I am......regardless of what anyone else says.

Peace, Love, and Ranting.

Sarah V.

P.s. SHAME ON YOU FREDERICKS OF HOLLYWOOD.

SHAME. ON. YOU.

Dear Girl Scouts Of America...

2010-02-28T18:37:00.000-08:00

Dear Girl Scouts,

Please, oh please stop making such delicious treats. You are going to make us all fat! We can't say no to your smiling little faces when you ask us how many boxes you can put us down for. My husband, well he chose 4 boxes. I did really well and only had 2 of your cookies, which is sadly one serving size. The tag alongs were amazing, but I wish i could have had more. I will be enjoying somoas, tag alongs, and thin mints as time goes on. I don't think I'll eat the lemon cookies though....

Sincerely,
Sarah V.

P.s. Eating your cookies means I have to work out extra hard! Curses.

Hair + Vlog=Fail

2010-02-27T06:59:00.000-08:00

I got my bangs cut last night. My husband likes them, most of my friends think they're too short, AND one even told me I look like a soccer mom circa 1995 and that I should kill whoever "did this to me." So, no more video blogs. I'm really self conscious about how bad I look now. I guess I'll just let my bangs grow for a few weeks, and never cut them again. Sigh. I almost thought they looked okay for a split second, but then everyone started telling me how bad I looked. It's great that people are honest, but there's a certain point of honesty that you just don't pass. "I don't really care for them." See-that's an honest phrase I'm okay with. "You look like shit, who the hell did that to your head?" That- that's a little too honest. What do you think.

Here's a little before and after. i don't think my bangs look terrible, they're just new and will take some adjusting. They were cut to be parted just on one side, so I will have to train them a little bit, but is it really THAT bad? *Cries*

Anyways, we are getting ready to go hit up a Chinese place for lunch. My husband hasn't shut up about Chinese in 3 days, so we're going to go. Luckily they have veggies and other healthy foods, because I'm not a huge fan of "original" Chinese dishes. Then we are going to go walk around the mall. I have to return a hoodie I ordered that didn't fit because of my chest *ahem* being in the way. So, I'm goin to get a medium mens hoodie because I KNOW They fit better. I have one in XL and it's not only huge and super long, but it's very comfy. It sucks because it's freezing out today, but at least we're getting out of the house! So hopefully I can get a few hours of walking in at the mall. Walking is always nice, but I'm more excited about Tuesday when I get to wriggle my chunky butt into a yucky one piece bathing suit and go swimming, woohooo!

Okay, my hubby is pressuring me to get ready so I have gotta get going. Ill keep you updated, and for the love of god SOMEONE tell me my hair isn't as bad as I think it is.

Peace, Love, and Bad Hairstyles
Sarah V.

VLOG 3

2010-02-26T20:05:00.000-08:00

So, I meant to post this wayyyyyyyyyyy earlier today. Looks like I totally forgot, so I apologize in advance. Also...I'm very strange. :) Enjoy my awkwardness. Much love. Oh and we were at walmart for 2 hours walking. Ha. It was a zoo in there.

Enjoy!

Work It

2010-02-26T07:32:00.000-08:00

So the other day I re-hurt my knee, but today it's feeling ten times better. When Emma goes down for her nap, it's back to the ole workout routine for me. I have been doing better about my eating again, tryin to remember to actually eat 3 meals a day. I've mostly had fruits and veggies as snacks, and I quit buying so much frozen, processed food. It's been kind of rough, but I'm working on it.

My husband wants to go visit our friends this weekend. It's a 3 hour drive, and he wants to get a hotel room. That means all I'll want to do is go swimming and hot tub........except, I don't want to be seen in a bathing suit. There are no ways to hide your flaws in a bathing suit. Ugh. Oh well, I think Emma would love to swim! I hope so, this could be fun and exciting. AND Swimming is great exercise. It's the one exercise that I could do all day and night. When I was a kid I used to spend 9 hours a day at the pool. I'd go from 1-5, sit at the park while it was closed from 5-6 for dinner, then go back from 6-9. I loved it. That's probably why I was so in shape. When I was pregnant I swam up until my sixth month or so. I had the hardest time finding a bathing suit that fit, because I was wearing an 18 and it fit everywhere but the butt. So I had this saggy swim butt going on. It wasn't sexy. Now I'm back to a 14, and I'm wishing reallllllllllllly hard that I can get down to an 11 or 12. I just am so tired of being 'big.'

Anyways, I'm off to eat my honey bunches of oat, feed the baby, change her diaper, get into my work out clothes, put her down for a nap, and try to get in a work out........Assuming I don't pass out on the couch first. *yawn.*

Peace, Love and TLC
Sarah V.

Dear Friends.

2010-02-23T07:22:00.000-08:00

This is just a quick shout out to the ladies who are there standing by me, and also one another. If it weren't for you guys, I would NOT be as far as I am today. I wouldn't have turned my eating habits around, given up my BELOVED Dr. Pepper, (Still haven't had one all year!) or ever in a MILLION years bought a workout machine, or even attempted a 6 week challenge. You are all the strength that gets me through, the motivation that keeps me going, and the friends that I love getting to know on all of these new levels. So Cheers to you girls.

NATHALIE
www.littlepiggetsskinny.blogspot.com

Nathalie, even though we have never met, you are a great inspiration to me. We face the same struggles, we are around the same weight, and we both know our way around a yo-yo diet. Every time you write a new blog, I can read it and relate so much. You only live a state away, so who knows, maybe over time we can become close friends and one day we can road trip and the girls can play date! You are doing a fantastic job, and even though you're stuck in a rut with "month 2" I know you can do it. I have faith in your abilities. Stay positive!

QUINN
www.skinnyquinny.blogspot.com

Quinn. My little Quinndalynn. I wonder how much that nickname annoys you sometimes. Even though we used to work together, I have very little memory of the time we spent talking. I wish we had gotten to know each other more when we were working together, and perhaps even hung out more. Even though we didn't, I'm glad we became friends. I have no idea how we became online buddies, I have no idea how it is we even began chatting to be honest with you. All I know is that I couldn't have asked for a better battle buddy!! You were by my side through my pregnancy as a "pregnancy buddy." And now, here we are fighting the battle of the bulge together! You are a great friend, and I love talking to you. You are the best listener and one of the best advice givers I have ever met. You are also a great writer, and I hope you know that! You and I seem to connect a lot on different levels, and 99 percent of the time I absolutely forget that you are 3-4 years older than me! I can't wait to visit Iowa and I hope that you get to come visit. I would LOVE it for Har and Emma to meet. I have a feeling that you and I will be friends for many years to come. You are doing a great job at weight loss, and sometimes I am jealous of how great you look! I keep reminding myself we are different people, with different body types. I know you struggle with yourself the same way the rest of us do, but I think you look great! Now we just have to get our husbands on the weight loss bandwagon! *Hugs.*

BROOKE
www.brookenotonadiet.blogspot.com

Oh Brooke. I can't believe it's been years since we last saw one another. I will admit, that our last visit was a lovely way to go out, haha. From the first day I met you, I was taken aback by how outgoing you were. You have this personality that I would kill for. Your eyes sparkle when you talk about something you love, and you let passion consume you when you find something worth keeping. We love the same music, we love the same bands, we support the same groups, (twloha anyone? <3) and of course we both have kick ass tattoos. I am so glad that I met you, even if it was under strange circumstances. If it weren't for Chad, you and I would never have known one another, so we should probably thank him for that! You are an amazing girl, and you inspire me with every blog you write. I am absolutely amazed at your progress and dedication. You look like a different person than when I met you! You are GORGEOUS! I hope that your journey continues on until you can find a place where you're happy, just like the rest of us. I just want you to know that I think what you've done, and what you're doing is AMAZING. Hell, I think you should be a spokes model for Weight Watchers at this point. You are one HELL of a success story girl.

SARAH (That's right, this is to myself!)
www.shapestory.blogspot.com

Dear Sarah,
You are an amazing person. Sometimes it saddens me that life has thrown more at you than you feel you can handle, but I know you will get through it. You are doing a great job. You are an amazing mother, and your daughter loves you very much. Every time you have a bad day, I want you to remind yourself that you are doing this not only for yourself, but for her as well. You don't want your daughter to face the same weight struggles that her parents do. You want her to know from a young age how to eat right and exercise. You are also a great wife. Though at times you and your husband don't get along, deep down you love one another. Things are rough right now, and you need to cut everyone some slack. It isn't easy on anyone being 24 and living at home with the in-laws. I know stress gets to you, but i'm VERY proud of you for not giving in and becoming a binge eater.........again. I am also astonished that you have given up your FAVORITE soda in the whole wide world. Sure, the occasional Sprite, Seven Up, or Root Beer won't hurt you nearly as much because they are caffeine free, but keep it to a minimum okay? Oh, and great job actually LEARNING TO LOVE water! Which, if you recall is something you once loathed. I know you get down on yourself because your weight loss is taking a long time, but honey, that's because you're doing it the right way. For the first time in your life you're not taking diet pills and starving yourself. You're not depriving yourself of the things you love, but rather learning to use moderation. You are changing your entire life a little at a time. Sure, it's hard. Sure, it will take a really long time. But just know that in the end this is goin to be worth it. You will be happy with yourself, you will love yourself more with each passing day, and you will succeed. You have a lot of great friends who are here to help you fight this war, and as long as they keep pushing on, so too shall you.

And Finally-YOU. Yes YOU.
Hello random blog reader. I see you over there in the corner spying. I have recently begun to notice you, and your blogs as well. I am a subscriber, and I am now following in your story as well! I haven't got much to say about you yet, but you are now a part of my journey. I am also a part of yours. Our lives have intertangled, if only on blogger, and I love to read your stories. You are a motivation just like the rest of these girls, and we look forward to reading your stories, your comments, your struggles and triumphs. Welcome to the battle of the buldge, we look forward to hearing from you!!

Thanks to all of the blog readers, friends, family, facebookers, myspacers, and random bloggers who stop by to view my page, and the pages of my friends. We appreciate the support, and love every bit of it. <3

SINCERELY,
Sarah V.

My Montage 2/23/10 at OneTrueMedia.com

2010-02-23T06:58:00.001-08:00

A Video of my progress so far...can you see any changes?

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Progress?

2010-02-22T13:49:00.000-08:00

I really don't think I could tell you the last time I wore pants that actually sit AT my hips, and these do. No, no one needs to worry about my fashion sense, it's fine. Those are lounge pants that I threw on after having been out for the day. I just hadn't changed the rest of my outfit to match, haha. This is the shirt that I wore to applebees (with jeans) and I have an undershirt on underneath. I don't think I look too bad anymore, but I honestly can't see any difference since probably 2 months ago. I feel like I haven't changed much, which is discouraging.

This picture is blurry, which always happens when I take pictures without the flash. I am quite a bit bloated right now (I will take another pic next week to prove it) and ever since I had Emma when I bloat, it gets BAD. I look 4 months pregnant every time. I hate it. Anyways, I am still working towards my goal and just thought I would update you all with some photos I took. I obviously should have chosen a better day to do than than my pre-period days but when you're 15 days late there aren't a lot of options. Today I'm already feeling much better about myself, and hopefully with time I can lose the rest of that tummy pudge.

Stats updates:
Weight: 199.6
Waist: 34.5 inches
Hips: 44 inches
Bust: 40 inches
Stomach: 39 inches. (the area above the bellybutton aka: the biggest area left.)

My Legs Are Jello!!!

2010-02-22T13:04:00.000-08:00

My legs are jello is a metaphorical statement. I apologize if I mislead anyone into believing my legs had suddenly become delicious, slimy, cold, wiggle down your throat, delicious jello. No, no. My legs are so wobbly, I had difficulty walking up the stairs from the basement. I feel like I could pass out, and I only burned 100 calories. WHAT? This is insanity.

Well, my "plan" was to start working out today at 15 minutes a day, and then work my way up to 30. I had sort of forgotten that plan, and I tried to go full force into a 30 minute work out. I stretched a little before, and my knees are feeling pretty good. I just guess that it's not a great idea to try to vigerously pedal your feet after not working out for the past 3 weeks or better. My entire body is literally shaking. Of course, it doesn't help that my lady friend FINALLY showed up fifteen #@#$#% days late! Yeah, because that's normal. Ugh.

So, here I am feeling like cramp. I've got the usual crampy, bloating, irritation going on and I decide..."HEY! I'm goin to go work out." I was hoping it would help me feel better, but it didn't. In fact, I feel like I just ran the mile, and am about to puke. My chest is on fire, my legs are burning, and I'm as sweaty as that fat cable guy who comes to fix your internet, and you just pray he doesn't sit on your furniture. Yeah, I look THAT sexy right now.

Anyways, I did manage to get in ten minutes to start today. I might attempt another five or ten later today. If I can do my workouts in 2-15 minute incriments, or even 3-10 minute incriments then I'll be fine. It just sucks because the machine has to be in the basement, and I can only work out while Emma naps. Im lucky if I get her to do that ONCE a day for 1 1/2-2 hours. Today I made her lay back down for a nap. She's going to be pretty pissed off at me, because I'm only letting her sleep an hour since it's already so late. This means she will cry for 30 minutes, sleep for 30, and then be mad until bedtime. Usually, she will actually sleep though.

So, my "plan" didn't work out exactly as planned. I am proud of myself for actually doing what I set out to do today, even if it was only briefly. I woke up this morning and thought to myself, "I'm going to wait another week, because I feel like shit" As the day went on, I felt more and more guilty. I also wanted to prove to myself that I could make the changes necessary, and get in a little exercise every day. Just a little. I'm not going to be some huge work out fanatic, or get huge and buff. I just want to be able to make a life style change, stick to it, and reap the benefits. And oh-you better believe me, there had BETTER be benefits for all of this work I'm puttin in, heh. =]

This is my first REAL attempt at getting back into shape since I had my daughter. I have LOST plenty of weight, but the skin...the flab...the batwing arms....all needs to retire now. So-For starting the six week fitness challenge with me, and sticking to your guns, I salute all of YOU guys as well as myself. And that is why I am awesome today! (Reason #2)

Peace, Love, and Online Shopping
Sarah V.

Oh, and in other fun news...I got all of my accessories for my DSi, including 2 new games. I also got the 2nd tax refund check that we've been waiting for since last year. That gives us an extra $1200 to put in the bank. Sometimes it pays to be married....with children. Literally! If anyone has any fun suggestions on the Dsi feel free to let me know. As of right now I have
1. MySims Kingdom
2. Galatrix: Puzzle Quest
3. Scribblenauts!

:)

Sunday, Cranberry Sunday!

2010-02-21T14:46:00.000-08:00

Mmm Cranberries. Oh, sorry. I just got done making the most awesome, and awkward dinner you've ever imagined. First off, let me just ask. How do you think whole cranberries would taste mixed with onion dip? I bet you said terrible, but its DELICIOUS. It's like a sweet barbecue sauce, or a poor mans sweet and sour. It was so, SO good.

That, is today's "reason I'm awesome." I dared to try something new. I didn't think it SOUNDED good. Hell, no one in the family did. Every last person admitted that they were afraid to try it. But, it was a hit! Hooray. The recipe calls for a whole chicken, but I just used cut up strips of chicken breast. I mixed the cranberry sauce (whole berry-8oz) and the package of onion dip mix ( 1 1/4 oz) together, blended until smooth, and then spooned over the chicken mixture in a greased pan. I cooked it for 45 minutes, threw some mashed potatos and peas on the side. Ta-da. I had a super easy, super CHEAP, delicious meal that everyone liked. I mean, what mom wants to worry about keeping their toddler away from the kitchen for 2 hours while cooking a whole bird? Although, it might be nice for a special occasion....Hmm, that's food for thought. Moving On!

I feel really crappy today. I keep feeling like I've got PMS and I have for weeks now. I was hoping (and still am) that I start tonight so I don't have to go to the doctor. I hate doctors. They are icky and mean. Okay, that's an exaggeration. I actually take Emma to the doctor a lot with the issues she's had in the past (RSV, GERD, Etc.) but when it comes to myself........thats a whole different story. I went once last year because my lungs hurt. Yes, it was scary. It hurt to breathe, and it felt like a cinder block was sitting on my chest. It turns out I had some old scar tissue that wasn't quite cleared up, from a disease I never knew I had. I forget the name of it, but it's basically when a bird is carrying a disease, and you inhale air that has been contaminated by the disease in their feces. Hundreds of thousands of people get this every year and pass it off as a common cold, but apparently my lungs had a few tell tale spots from this. I had to wait for the results, and I didn't like worrying until I got them. Ugh. Doctors...

Well, that about sums up my lazy Sunday. I haven't accomplished much. Sundays are my usual 'days off.' Andrew works on Saturday nights, so he sleeps til 2 or 3 pm on Sundays. This means that Emma and I are confined to the living room by ourselves, until he wakes up. I took a 2 hour nap today, and Emma actually took TWO naps today. WOOHOO!! I'm so stoked. Plus, the fact that it was 64 degrees out today didn't hurt.

Peace, Love, and Awkward Foods.
Sarah V.

That Pesky Little Two...

2010-02-20T23:21:00.000-08:00

So, the last 2 days I have weighed myself I am just over 200 again. I am irritated at myself for gaining that 2 pounds back, but I don't know what I did wrong. Yes, I do...I won't lie. I keep skipping breakfast. I haven't eaten it in a week solid. I never feel like it, but I need to kick my own ass and feed myself when I feed the baby. I sit there and literally watch her eat, and yet I don't eat. It makes no sense.

I got a few apple slices yesterday and some more of my favorite 100 calorie caramel parfaits that I love so much. They satisfy my sweet tooth, without killing my diet progress for the day. I also got some more Dasani water. Seriously, I can't live without that stuff anymore.

So, the pesky two. There it is again... 200.2 lbs. That is just too high of a number for my liking. BEFORE I had my daughter I weighed 195 pounds. Yes, it sounds like a lot. In reality I wasn't fat. No, seriously! I look back now and think that I should be angry with myself for thinking I was fat when I wasn't. Okay, honestly I AM mad that I wasted tons of years thinking I was fat when I wasn't. Now I think to myself, if I thought I was fat then, what must I look like now? But-yesterday my husband pointed something out to me. As we were leaving Applebee's, I looked at myself in the windows as we walked by and remarked about my weight. He stopped, looked at me, and said, "When you look at yourself every day, criticize yourself every day, and weigh yourself every day, Im sure it gets hard to tell what you really look like."

In light of what my dear husband said, I decided he was right. That's why I like to photo blog so much. I try my best not to suck in, or hide my stretch marks, and I just let all of you blog readers out there see a side of me that I don't much care for. But, do you know what? When I go back and compare photos from week to week, I can SEE the difference that I miss every day in the mirror.

For example, when I did my cardio wii workout, i lost four inches off my waist. FOUR. I didn't notice at all, but my friends did, and my blog readers did. I eventually looked at my photos and realized I did look like my waist had gotten thinner! I also realized that while I'm trying to look thinner and healthier, my posture has improved.

Yesterday, was a big stepping stone for me. I am very insecure about my weight. So insecure in fact, that I haven't left the house without a jacket, hoodie, leather coat, giant purse, or layers of clothing hiding my belly in months. It had literally been probably six or seven months since I didn't find an outfit that I liked, work hard to look extra sexy in it, and then throw a hoodie or coat over it to "hide" my belly. For yesterdays lunch date I simply decided to ignore that urge. I felt naked. I felt strange. I felt like I had nothing to hide behind, and everyone was staring. I felt like I needed to rip my husbands green hoodie off his body and put it on, even though it was two sizes too big for me. I needed to hide, fast! So, I pulled my pants up to my chest, sunk down in the booth, and waited.

What was I waiting for? Some magic solution where my pants were way too big, and my hips were way too small? Who knows. After our appetizer came and went, I decided that I needed to just buck up and deal with my appearance. I put my pants back down at hip level, pulled my shirt down where it needed to go, sat up straight, and enjoyed my date with my husband. We ended up having such a good time, that I forgot about my weight until we got up to leave. Even still, I saw people bigger than me who weren't' stressing, so why should I? I am proud of the progress I've made, and while I fear regressing...I need to learn to love myself again.

My life shouldn't be spent hiding behind Aeropostale hoodies, pajama pants, and oversized jackets. I want to wake up in the morning, throw on jeans and a tshirt, put on my Vans, and be ready for the day. I am tired of spending my life in pajamas, lounge wear, and sweats. I am tired of putting on jeans only to go out, come home, and put pajamas right back on. Most of all, I'm tired of being uncomfortable in everything I put on because it's too short, and I'm too puffy. I am going to take the next week or so and try to remind myself why I am beautiful, and NOT list any reasons regarding to weight. You are welcome to help chip in with that list. -wink- wink!!

Peace, Love, and Bedtime.
Sarah V.

Date Night! Erm, Afternoon...

2010-02-20T18:10:00.000-08:00

Today, my hubby took me out for a lunch date. We went to Applebee's, and spent an hour and a half kid free. It was definitely nice. I skipped breakfast (I know, I KNOW) because by the time I was up, clothed, and ready to go it was nearly time to leave. I really didn't think I should eat, before I went out to eat. I'm working on that though. Luckily I slept in for an extra hour while daddy got up with Emma. Anyways, back to what I was saying...

For lunch I had a 7 oz sirloin steak cooked medium well, mashed potatos, and mixed steamed veggies. Yes, it was as delicious as it sounds. I only wound up eating half my steak, half the veggies, and all of the potatoes. Unfortunately for me, I wound up having a sprite with my meal. Apparently, my body isn't used to the carbonation anymore, because I got deathly sick when I got home. I wound up being sick most of the day, and it wasn't fun at all.

We also had to grocery shop today. I made a small grocery list with enough meals to last Monday through Friday. We ended up spending $144 on groceries for the week. That is really high even for us, but we had to get Emma's toddler food which is $2 a meal. We are trying to get her to eat more people food, which she usually does if it's nothing too coarse. However, the last six weeks have been really rough. She keeps getting diaper rash, after diaper rash, after diaper rash. I hate it for her. She gets them in front and back, which makes it rough on everyone because none of us get to sleep. Tonight I put her down an hour early, and she has already woken up crying twice. She just cut new teeth too, so that makes it even better.

Oh wait, where was I? ...Right right. I guess I spent about 3 hours walking today. I didn't get a chance to do my elliptical because Andrew and I were gone all day. Now he is asleep until 10, and then he has to go to work at 11. I thought about trying to do it after he woke up, but I'm not sure working out before bed is a good idea, because I already have trouble sleeping at night. Exercise just makes me hyper.

On a side note, I just ate some leftover lasagna. I must say, lasagna is tasty no matter when you eat it. I probably stayed under or at least within my calorie count today, but not having breakfast was a bad thing. Hopefully I can do better tomorrow.

In non weight loss news, my life is a bit hectic right now. Is it possible to be bored and hectic all at the same time? My husband and I have been doing really well with the exception of one night. We get along well most of the time, but we are both stubborn and hard headed so when we argue it's like a fight to the death, and then nothing is resolved. Usually we both go to bed angry, which I hate doing. However, by morning we are over it and things are fine. Other than that, with Emma teething, my looking for work, tryin to get Emma into daycare (which breaks my heart) and tryin to decide when/where/how we will be getting our own place....

I'm under a LOT of stress. It may not sound like much, but I am. So-lately I have been having a lot of issues with my monthly visitor and I'm not sure if it's the stress, the diet changes, the exercise routine, or all of the above but it is reallllllllllllllly making me frustrated. I know it's weird to put all of this personal information in a blog, but I just needed to vent a little. Usually I talk to my friend Quinn, but I was taking a break from yahoo until I finished my blog. I tend to sidetrack easily otherwise.

So, as I was saying. I guess I have to make a doctors appointment. I don't particularly WANT to but both my husband AND my dear friend Quinn want me to go. I suppose it couldn't hurt since my last appointment was when my daughter was 10 weeks old. She is now 16 months, so it's been about a year and a half since my last doctors visit. That means doctor of any kind...

Some of you may not know this about me, but when I was 15 I was diagnosed with pre-cancerous cervical cells. I then had to undergo biopsies every 3 months for a year. It was horrible, and painful. I wasn't allowed to have pain killers as the doctor was cutting 3-4 pieces of my cervix out, and then rubbing my insides with iodine. After they removed and tested all of the pre-cancerous cells, they told me that my cervix looked clean. Then, a few years later I found out I had horrible ovarian cysts. I spent a few years with the worst pains, irregular periods, and cramps from rupturing cysts. Sometimes it got so bad, I would double over in tears. I had 3 miscarriages in the years before my daughter was born because of a hormone deficiency. On TOP of pre-cancerous cervical cells, and ovarian cysts, I also was told I had a progesterone deficiency and would "most likely" be unable to carry a child without the help of fertility drugs.

What all of that has to do with now is my fear. It is adding to the stress I'm already facing. I can't stop the thought that ONE of those problems has returned. I keep trying to think positively, but for things to randomly become irregular or just stop all together is completely out of the ordinary for me. This has been going on for two months now. I keep thinking about all of the possibilities, and I don't really like the outcome of any of them. I keep thinking it could be a fluke, tryin to stay positive, but it's just really difficult to do in a situation like this. Given my medical history, it could be a number of things. I guess I'm just a little down about it all.
My husband wants me to wait it out through the weekend, see if anything happens, and if not I'm making a doctors appointment. Wish me luck that it's nothing. Hopefully I'm just over reacting, which is something I tend to do a lot.

I hope everyone is having a fantastic diet and exercise weekend, OR a break weekend. Whatever it is you're doing, I hope you do it with passion. Have a fantastic weekend everyone. I look forward to reading all of your blogs, and HOPEFULLY comments on mine. *Hint hint.*

Peace, Love, and The Disney Channel...
<3 Sarah V. <3

"The Plan"

2010-02-19T07:06:00.000-08:00

What's "the plan?" Well, I'm sure that's what you're asking yourself right about now. "The plan" is actually quite simple. You see, today I did 5 minutes on my elliptical. Yes, five measly little minutes. I know it doesn't sound like much, but I plan on starting my routine on Monday. Since I have bad knees, I thought I would slowly get them used to the elliptical with 5 extra minutes per day until Monday. This was by then, I will be at about my half hour work out stage.

I will admit, this elliptical thing is a lot harder than I remembered it being. My knees get a little achy, but it's not too terrible. I was in shape the last time I used one of these things, and now I can tell just how out of shape I am. On the plus side, the elliptical automatically adjusts resistance during the workout on a scale of 1-8 so that you get a vigorous workout. I think just like the cardio I was doing, that in a few weeks time I will be feeling much better. My aim is for half an hour per day, five days a week. Although, I'm being told that I should probably only start with 3 days a week and work my way up. (What do you think?)

I've got a new goal set for myself with my elliptical. I always see the goals that Brooke and Quinn post, so I thought I'd make a few for myself. Are you ready yet, get set, awwwwwwwwwwww here it goes... (you'll get that if you're a 90's child who watched Nickelodeon.)

Do my elliptical routine 3-5 days a week, for 30 minutes a day to start. (this may be broken into several workouts throughout the day. Maybe I will work out 3 times a day for 10 minutes each, or twice for 15 minutes each. Either way, I will get in 30 minutes. Once I find that is becoming too easy, I will increase to 45, then 60, etc.

Start eating breakfast again. I know this is a simple one, but I have forgotten breakfast for the past week and a half. By the time I get up, and get Emma fed and ready for the day, it's so close to lunch time that I don't even think about breakfast.

Try out my new cookbook! I can't wait to go shopping and get the things I need to try some tasty new meals. Plus, it will be nice not having to look at my laptop while I'm cooking, or having to constantly write down the recipes I want.

Worry less about eating out. My husband likes to eat out. We have cut our fast food intake by 90%. Sure, it's not completely gone-but I don't think that's ever really a possibility for us. When we are out on the run, and it gets too late to cook we just stop and grab something. Lately I've been getting ham and cheese sandwhiches from Pals. They are DELICIOUS, and HUGE with 380 calories and are fat free. I have pretty much forgone french fries though. *wipes away a tear.*

SODA! I still haven't had a Dr. Pepper. That's right people, I can proudly say that I haven't had a Dr. Pepper ALL YEAR! This is a big achievement for me, because a lot of the time I do want one, and then I feel guilty for thinking about it. I have been drinking more milk, chocolate milk, sweet tea, and TONS of water. (Thats a first for me.) I know that the Sweet Tea isn't much better for you than soda, but If I want something sweet, thats usually what I reach for. It sure beats a Dr. Pepper. Every once in a while I will have a Sprite, Root Beer, Or Seven Up. Most of those (if not all) are caffeine free. The root beer does make me feel bloated, but the feeling is gone by morning and I don't end up feeling sick for days like I do with Dr. Pepper.

Walk, walk, walk. I don't walk enough. I spend my days stuck in the house. It's so cold that I can't really take Emma out for walks, and Andrew doesn't trust this neighborhood enough for me to do so. I bought my pedometer, and forgot about it after 2 days. It got stuffed in a drawer, so I will get it out today and re-start that program. I don't know how, but Emma keeps hitting my reset button, and then I'm at a loss for what I've walked! Ugh. Anyways, I spend my days mostly sitting on the bed, the couch, or the chair. I get up and around for probably a few hours a day when it comes to cleaning, chasing Emma, getting the mail, taking out the garbage, etc.

A non weight loss goal of mine is to find my passion and creativity again. Earlier this week when my poem was featured as poem of the day on pathetic.org I was so overjoyed. That joy later turned into depression when I realized that only two people had even cared enough to say anything about it. I felt like that was a very big achievement on my part, and everyone wrote it off as nothing. I later felt a little more encouragement, when I posted my old and new photography on facebook and had several people tell me how talented and creative I was. One friend even told me I should be doing freelance photography, which I just don't think I have the talent for honestly. It made me miss those two things that were once a HUGE part of my life.

And finally, school. Yes, I know we go over this all the time. I feel like I'm stuck. I need to take tests to get into school, and have shots and doctors appointments that I can't afford. Even if we had used all of our tax money, we couldn't have afforded these doctors. They charge $500 just for a visit, its hundreds of dollars per shot, and any blood drawn is another $500. The placement tests I have to take are $80, and its $20 to apply to school. (I find that strange for a community college.) On top of all that cash, I have to finish getting Emma's daycare papers filled out, and get her enrolled before I can do much of anything. I am still sad about her going to daycare, but I think she is becoming too attached to mommy, and needs some kids her own age to play with. I have filed my fafsa, and I never recieved a call from anyone! (Which is what their records stated would happen next.)

So, that's a short list of my yearly goals. I am not sure what I will accomplish. All I know is that I'm almost 24 years old, my daughter is fast approaching pre-school age, and I don't want to become one of those housewives who are so out of touch with reality, they never quite find their way back into the real world. I don't want to spend my life cooking, cleaning, ironing, laundering, decorating, sweeping, mopping, and vacuuming. I want to interact. I want to MEET people. I want to know that if I have a bad day, there are friends that will be there for me. The longer I sit in this house, alone, going crazy..........the more depressed I feel. Working out is the one thing that makes me less stressed out, and THEN if I don't do it for some reason I feel guilty all over again. It's just time to get my life back in order.

And THAT'S "The plan."

Photo Blogging!

2010-02-18T09:13:00.000-08:00

Well, I must admit it's been a while since I've posted any photos. Since our challenge ended I gained a pound back, but I am now going to start working out daily with my elliptical and hope to see results. I'm not exactly *proud* of my body right now, because i still have a lot of saggy mom skin left on my tummy. I am finding that is harder to get rid of than the actual weight, and from what I hear I may never be able to lose it totally. I gained and lost over 60 pounds in the course of 11 months. (My pregnancy I gained 60 and lost 35 in the first 2 months.) The following 6 months were spent slowly peeling off the additional 25 pounds, and I am still 4 pounds away from pre-baby weight. My body used to be very hourglass shaped and now...I look like a frumpy muffin! It's time to get back in the workout world, and get rid of this mom gut for GOOD! (or until I decide whether or not we want more kids.) So wish me luck, I will try to photo update with my elliptical progress once or twice a month, and lets just all keep our fingers crossed that the weight loss fairy will be nice to us all before tank top, swimsuit, and shorts season. Oh wait, I don't wear shorts. NONETHELESS! *Bows head and prays to the weight loss fairies.*

Amen.

9 pounds lighter and 4 inches smaller in the waist, but still have that pesky mom flab. Grrrr. Enjoy my tiger stripes!

Side view of whats left of the mom belly. As well as my husbands side of the sink filled to the brim with delicious smelling colognes and...bleaches? haha. The pics in the flannel pants are from today, the pics in the black pants are a few days ago (pre pms bloating.)

I hope you have all enjoyed my embarassment and misery upon posting these photos, and I hope to see yours soon!

Peace, Love, and New Pants from Maurices.
Sarah V.

Snowstorm

2010-02-18T05:49:00.000-08:00

I know this has nothing to do with weight loss, but I'm just really excited so I'm going to post the poem that was chosen for Poem Of The Day on pathetic.org. For anyone who is not familiar with pathetic.org, it is a very popular poetry posting website. There are currently thousands and thousands of members, which is why it was so awesome to get picked for poem of the day. They only choose 365 a year and I was one of them. I just had to toot my own horn there for a moment, *Toot toot.*

And now my poem: Snowstorm
written by Sarah VanOrd 12/2008

Noises echo in my mind
A Melody, I can not find
Trees are swaying in the breeze
Inspiration, eludes me
Clouds of Grey are passing by
Within the sweetest sorrows, of the evening sky
The Winds are gusting, blowing leaves
Lonesome swings, deceiving me
The sun is shining, though not warm
I predict a long snow storm

Momma got a new toy.

2010-02-18T05:39:00.000-08:00

I FINALLY got my elliptical last night, and I'm so excited. My husband is going to put it together after work today, so keep an eye out for new posts/photos/etc.

If you ever get bored, check me out. I'm all over the web, because I'm just savvy like that.

www.facebook.com/savanord
www.myspace.com/anotherxpoeticxsoul
www.cyanidesarah.deviantart.com
http://www.cafemom.com/home/twistidhalo
http://pathetic.org/library/6526

I wasn't kidding when I said I was all over the place. <3

And in finding those links I just found out that one of my old poems was posted as pathetic.org's poem of the day on 2/11/2010. This is a huge honor to me!!!!!!!! I'm so stoked. And yes, I write as WELL as take photos. Check out all the links above for more information.

Peace and Love
Sarah V.

Okay, Ouch.

2010-02-17T17:37:00.000-08:00

So, today was a mixture of a good and bad day. The good was that I once again got out of the house...TWICE. We spent 4 hours walkin around the mall (which I count as a bit of exercise at least.) I left there with NOTHING for myself so I was proud of that. We got a new bedset which we needed desperately! I got Emma 2 new springtime outfits, and my husband once again spent oodles of money on new knick knacks and gadgets.

While we were at the mall, we tried a new italian place. I didn't know that it came with SO much food. I had a garlic bread stick, and a chicken ranch stromboni. I'm not sure how many calories it was, but I'm SURE it was a lot. For breakfast I had ONE pancake with light syrup, and a three inch piece of fried ham with a glass of milk. Then lunch was the horrible for me, but ever so tasty mall food. We pretty much skipped dinner because our italian food was around 3 pm and I still wasnt hungry. I did however, end up having a small bacon cheeseburger for dinner. (Which wasnt too healthy either.) It's been a kind of bad food day. Oh, and I had a cappuccino flavored breezer. I drank half of it, and it was like a daily dose of caffeine kicking me in the face. Not good, not good at all.

However--Today I also got my new cookbook. I'm super excited that I have 300 new recipes at my finger tips without needing the laptop to search at the kitchen counter! I can't wait to try it out. I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to learn to cook, or learn to cook better. It has the simplest recipes from how to boil and egg, and make grilled cheese sandwhiches...to how to make complicated dishes, quiche, entrees, you name it. The book was $15 on amazon.com and it's called the "I don't know how to cook" book. So--I'll keep everyone posted on what I make, when I make it. I will have to google some calorie counts, but if the meal has a lot it has some funny remark in the side like "This meal is a delicious comfort food perfect to eat after you've lost the love of your life, your job, or your cat. However it will take a year to work it off." Yes, that's actually in the book! =) Check it out. I bet you can even get it used for less.

Finally, in other SUPERAWESOMEEXCITINGNEWS....I got my friggin elliptical. Well, to be honest, I didn't get the one I originally wanted, but I spent the extra $120 and went a step up. I got a crosstraining elliptical with 8 weight loss workouts, and 4 personal trainer workouts. You can see it *here.* I have to wait until tomorrow to set it up, since I obviously didn't get it until 8 at night. I just put Emma to bed, I am now home and blogging, and the husband works at 6 a.m. so it probably won't be a long night. I'm just so pumped that now I can work out anytime, with NO EXCUSES. I plan on tryin to start 30 minutes a day for 3-5 days a week with the lowest resistance. After a few days I'm going to try the recommendations of the personal trainer after I get used to working out again, and try to get my knees a little TLC (aka: pain killers and a brace.)

So--wish me luck on those endevors. How, may I ask, was YOUR day? Oh--for anyone out there with any ideas, I'm going to try and once again create meal plans a week in advance. If anyone has any ideas/suggestions/etc. Please be sure to let me know.

Peace, Love, and Bedspreads
Sarah V.

P.S.

2010-02-16T14:40:00.001-08:00

I started taking an adult GUMMY vitamin this week. It seems to be helping a lot so far. I hope everyone else is still working on being fit and healthy inside AND out. Enjoy my vlog. If you prefer blogs, let me know.

Peace love and vlogs.
Sarah V.

VLOG!

2010-02-16T14:30:00.001-08:00

So, here's another infamous VLOG by Sarah. Don't mind me licking my lips non stop, i busted open my bottom lip and was trying to keep it from hurting, hahaha. Sorry ppls. I'm totally weird. GET USED TO IT. Show some love.

Exercise!!!!!!

2010-02-13T07:16:00.000-08:00

Well, I'm just waiting on the hubby to finish getting ready and then we're off. We are going to go buy an elliptical today. I weighed my options between treadmill and elliptical, and since I have bad knees we decided to get an elliptical. Andrew even said he'd pay for half of it and he'd use it too! (He's 5'9 at 236, and he's trying to lose weight too.) I'm pretty excited. I'm not looking forward to putting it together, but if I can do 30 minutes a day for a week to start with, I might be in good shape by summer!

In case you were wondering how we can possibly afford this with my husband working part time in a grocery store, we got taxes back yesterday! I went out and got a MUCH needed new laptop. I really wanted an Acer, but I wound up getting a Sony Vaio instead. I must say, I love it. The keys are spaced apart, and it's touch pad doesn't get boiling hot. I'm pretty excited. Then today, my husband ordered himself a new electric guitar. He used to have several, but when I moved down here from Iowa he sold them for me. I know, he's such a sweetheart. He wound up pawning them and selling them to get us an apartment before I was even down here, so I had somewhere to move into. Yes, he's a sweetheart. AND last night he told me I was an awesome wife. I don't hear things like that often, so I was really happy about it. *Insert smiley face!*

So--that was our Friday. I'm wondering what he has up his sleeve for tomorrow. He kept telling me we weren't going to do anything, and then he told me he got me a present. Now I feel bad because I didn't get him anything. He likes to do that though. He pulled the same thing on Christmas. He prefers to buy me presents, and not getting anything in return. He's crazy I know. I'm just so excited he's agreed to use the elliptical too, and try to eat healthier.

We have been buying wheat bread, and we cut out the whole milk. I bought a carton of silk yesterday, because I told my friend Quinn and her brother Justin that I'd try it. I'm a HUGE fan of Vanilla, so I thought I'd start with vanilla silk. Well--I'll say this. It wasn't awful. It wasn't delicious, but I hear it takes some getting used to. I felt like I was drinking liquidated rice paper. I'm being brave, I'm trying new things, and I know that sometimes there will be things I don't enjoy, but I'm going to drink the entire carton...slowly. I am also going to use it to make my cappuccinos! (I got 100 calorie cappuccino packs! who knew they existed?)

In other news, I've been doing research and attempting to find out more information on this website called Yummie Tummie. I am looking into some shapewear for tank top season. (If I get my arms in shape.) Their tank tops look amazing, and I hear they do a great job. I'm just afraid that since I'm a big girl (5'11/198 lbs) that they won't be long enough in all the right places. The tanks are $60 each which is a little steep for my budget, but since I have taxes to do it, I may give it a shot. I've also looked into spanx, but I have read many many bad reviews. So, if anyone has any input on shapewear let me know! Also, if you get the chance check out yummie tummie, because It's ADORABLE and I love it. Maybe once I start to lose more weight, I'll give it a try.

Peace, Love, and Music
Sarah V.

The First Day Of The Rest Of My Life...

2010-02-12T05:39:00.000-08:00

Well, yesterday was the end of our six week challenge. I had told myself repeatedly if I could go those 6 weeks without giving in to my MAJOR weakness (Dr. Pepper) that I could have one after the challenge was over. Yesterday, I thought REALLY hard about going to the gas station and getting one...but I didn't. I fought with myself mentally over a soda. I've never done something like that before. Usually, I will try to rationalize why it's okay for me to do something I wasn't planning to, and yesterday I was telling myself reasons why I shouldn't drink a soda. Now, don't get me wrong. I haven't cut out soda entirely. I've had a few Root Beers and Sprites here and there, but I try to stick to caffeine free. Plus, Root Beer and Sprite are both so bubbly that I can't ever finish one. I have to sip on it forever. I don't think I will spend the rest of my life without a Dr. Pepper. That's just unrealistic, but I HAVE kept them out of my house for six long weeks.

I know some of you may scoff at the idea of a soda addiction, and some of you may understand. When smokers get stressed they want a cigarette. When alcoholics get stressed, they reach for the bottle. Well, this girl....when I get stressed, I crave soda. It's my nicotine. It's my addiction. It's not about the taste for me, it's about the burn. Yes, the burn. When was the last time you had a Dr. Pepper? That first drink burns on its way down. After that, I drink it like water.

Speaking of water, if you recall when I first began this journey I hated water. All types of water, and all flavors. Every time I have ever drank water it tastes like copper. We believe that has something to do with my iron deficiency anemia. The doctors have also said that people like me with bipolar disorder have different brain patterns than people without the illness. That in itself could have contributed to my strange taste. None of that gibberish makes any sense to me, but if you get bored later google it and tell me what you find. Back to the topic at hand. Since I started the 6 week challenge I have found a water I adore. Dasani! I never used to be big on bottled water. I thought it was wasteful and didn't understand how bottled water could taste different than tap. Now I know! Im thinking of getting a brita filter and just filtering my own water into a water bottle to save us money. We spent upwards of $30-40 a month on water alone! Yikes. If you're like me and hate water, I suggest trying several different flavors until you find one you can stomach. Yes, it might be yucky at first, but you'll thank me.

Since I started drinking water regularly, I've noticed that: my bloating has gone down, my skin looks healthier, the dark circles under my eyes are less noticeable, I'm rarely thirsty, and sipping on water keeps me from mindlessly eating without having any adverse effects. I'm lovin it.

I won't sit here and say that my life has done a full turn around because it hasn't. I haven't cut out fast food entirely, I haven't given up soda entirely, I haven't even worked out on a daily basis. What I have done is learned new things. I can eye a bowl of cereal and know when to stop for a one cup serving. I can cook actual meals, which is something I couldn't do before all of this. I can count calories in my head accurately, though I prefer to use paper. I can work out for half an hour without dying! That's something I wasn't sure I could do when I was healthier. Plus, I've met some awesome people on this journey and I hope that I continue to meet and inspire more people. This is a life long struggle, and I'm tired of the battle. I will beat this.

Final results!!!!

2010-02-11T05:18:00.000-08:00

Hello again fellow bloggers. Well, it's finally that time. Six weeks have passed since we agreed to take on this challenge, and lord knows we've all had our struggles. I started the 6 week challenge weighing in right around 208 pounds. Yes, my first blog post says 203, but I found out that the scale I was using at that time was actually 5 pounds off. Ewies!

I haven't worked out for close to two weeks now, but I am still controlling my portions a lot better, eating healthier, and STILL haven't had my beloved soda for 6 weeks. I keep thinking about how much I'd *like* to have one, but I know that once I break down and have one, I'm going to want another...then another...then another. So maybe, just maybe, I'm doing better than I thought here. I weighed myself FIRST thing this morning, and was at the weight I'd been at when I stopped working out. Luckily that means that the 2 lb gain I was seeing before was probably in fact water weight.

So, here are my final results. I don't plan on stopping now, and I hope you guys don't either. I'm going to buy a treadmill, do a little walking, and hopfeully get some weights to work on these 'mom arms' before summer rolls around. Am I going to be prancing around in a bikini this year? Hell no. Will I at least be a little more comfortable with my body? Probably not. BUT, I will go out in a one piece. That's a step in the right direction for me.

BEFORE:
Weight: 208 pounds
Chest: 42 inches
Waist: 36 inches
Hips: 42 inches
AFTER:
Weight: 199.6 lbs
Chest: 41 inches
Waist: 33 inches (WOO!)
Hips: 42 inches (I don't think this will ever change, I have big hips!)

So there you have it people! I was down to 198 and I gained that one extra pound back bringing my grand total to.....

9 pounds and 4 inches lost total!! Now just think, If I can keep this up for ANOTHER 6 weeks and lose the same amount of weight, I'd be down in the 180's...and if you recall that is my goal.

How did YOU ladies do? What are your final results? Are you ready to continue portion control, healthier eating, less take out, no soda, and of course a little extra activity?

Peace, Love, and Cheerios
Sarah V.

I will post photos later of my progress! Keep your eyes peeled for them. (I didn't think posting pictures of me with my hair a mess and in my pajamas was going to get the point across too well. hehe.)

This winter is killing me....

2010-02-10T11:22:00.000-08:00

Good afternoon fellow bloggers and blogettes. Today is another rough day in the wonderful world of weight loss.

The majority of my day was spent out and about, apartment hunting. I think I just heard a collective groan from all of my readers. I'm sure you all know how difficult apartment/house hunting can be. We had to tote Emma around in the snow too, which was horrible. I put her in long johns, then sweats, then her coat. Hey, at least she was warm. The weatherman told us there was only a 30% chance of snow today, and it hasn't stopped snowing since last night. *grumbles about stupid weather men.* On the way back from apartment hunting we had THREE close calls on the ice. We decided to pack it in and call it a day. I'm pretty disappointed, because I was excited to see the other 2 places. We didn't like the ones we DID see, which was also disappointing.

Since we were already out Andrew decided we should just have lunch at Burger King. I sighed and agreed because we've been bickering a lot lately and I just wanted to get along for a few minutes. I'm still waiting on that certain friend to visit this month so I'm grouchy, and bloated! Anyways, I decided to have a fish sandwhich and I only ate half of my fries. I still haven't had a dr. pepper in 6 weeks, so I had a sweet tea instead. That's another habit that's going to be hard to break btw. Anyways, Emma had a chicken nugget kids meal and she loved it. She ate her nuggets, but not much of her fries. We spent fifteen dollars on take out. It kills me knowing how much food that would buy at the grocery store. None the less, I opted for something a little healthier than I used to get. I even had breakfast today! Yay for honey nut cheerios.

As for working out, I'm going to try to get back into that in the next week or so. I'm looking to buy a treadmill next week if I can. I don't know where I'll put it yet, but walking for 30-60 minutes a day will help me lose weight better than doing nothing. I am going to get back into working out using my copy of Your Shape. I lost 10 lbs in 6 weeks doing that work out every other day or so. If I did it every day I'm sure I could have hit 20. Unfortunately for me, this last week and a half or so of not being able to work out has caused me to put on 2 lbs. I'm hoping its because I'm pms-ing, but we'll see. Tomorrow is our FINAL DAY of the 6 week challenge. I'm not really ready for it at all. I will post my final before/after weights and measurements. Of course, because or 6 week challenge is over doesn't mean that our fitness routine has to be over. If you girls (and possibly guys?) are still up for it, I say we keep blogging about our progress and weight loss. I am hoping to lose another 10 pounds, and I think that I can do it by this summer. So, I'm going to give myself yet ANOTHER six weeks to lose that ten pounds. Assuming of course my knees will allow it. What do YOU think?

So, that's my blog for today. Apartment hunting is stressful, snow is irritating, not having dr pepper during 'this time' of the month is as hard as not having a cigarette is to some people, we've still done well on the take out cutting our usual habits in THIRD, but we've got a ways to go. So, what about you? How are your goals shaping up? Leave me some comment love. I need all the encouragement I can get.

Oh, and in case you're wondering (Quinn) I'm still trying to get back into school, but it's going to have to get pushed back once I start working. I know, my life is like a whirl wind. Hopefully, I can manage to get my testing done soon so that I can at least begin online classes by this summer or fall.

Peace, Love, and Puffy knees
Sarah V.

Hey Hey!

2010-02-09T18:04:00.000-08:00

I'm still alive, I promise. It's been a busy few days. I have had a TON on my plate...
I'm still not able to work out but my knees are slowly returning to normal in the swelling party. Tomorrow I'm going to attempt a workout and see how things go. Wish me luck there.

As for food, I've been doing well but I'm still slipping up a bit. I keep forgetting to eat breakfast. I know that sounds silly but after I get up and get the baby fed, dressed, etc. Its usually lunch time by the time. So I have to get better about that. I'm still doing well on the not eating out, and I've been having 3-4 servings of fruit for the past few days. I'm going to try to plan out my lunches and dinners again as soon as I can.

I haven't got much to say right now. Things are very stressful, but I'll catch you all up tomorrow. Wish me luck in my attempts to re-enter the work out world. :)

Peace and love