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Friday, April 30, 2010


In true blogger fashion, I have moved my blog over to wordpress. It will now become more of an every day/everything blog. I can't strictly focus on weight loss anymore. It's still a huge part of my life, but ive run out of things to say. If you would like to continue following me, be sure to bookmark my wordpress pages!

http://cyanidestory.wordpress.com/ --arts
http://cyanidesarah.wordpress.com/ --everyday blog

Its been great blogging with you ladies and gentlemen. Please follow me on

I will update and write one last final blog later this week/month.

Peace and Love
Sarah V.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010


I am starting to feel like I did when I was a kid again. When I was 15 and younger, my friends used to joke that I was a bottomless pit. I could eat my weight in anything, and never gain a pound. I was 5'9, 125 lbs, and I thought I'd stay that way forever. Unfortunately, as is the story, I met a boy.

I spent the next 2 years dating this guy off and on. We never went anywhere or did anything to be active. We sat around my house or his eating ramen noodles, playing video games, and drinking at least 2 cases of soda per week. As you can guess, by the time we had broken up I was 2 years older, 45 pounds heavier, and 2 inches taller. It was a real eye opener.

The next few years my weight yo-yo'd all around. I would be fat, then thin. Fat, then thin. The cycle never ended. When I worked, I was thin. When it was warm out, I was thin. Once winter rolled around again I would inevitably put on twenty pounds. I think I gained and lost that same 20 pounds a dozen times or more.

In February of 2007, I found out I was pregnant. I was 5'11, and 190 pounds. I didn't look bad at all, and most people thought I was lying when I said I was 190. Sometimes I would even tell them I was 175 and they would totally believe me. Now I understand why women lie about their age/weight sometimes. Luckily, that isn't who I am anymore.

When I realized I was pregnant, I thought it was a free pass. I ate all I wanted, whenever I wanted, and if I gained weight I just figured that was fine. I never wanted to get as big as I did, and 35 lbs of that was from pre-eclampsia and water weight. Sadly, I did gain my own 40 lbs from eating like a piggy. I think I probably had fast food three times a week when I first found out I was pregnant, because the living situation I was in didn't really allow for us to cook meals at home. (We lived in an RV for a short time while apartment hunting in Florida.) By the time we had moved back to Cookeville, the foods I was eating had improved, but the amount I was eating had not.

In October 2008 I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. Regardless of how much I ate she only weighed 6 lbs, 14 oz. She was and still is amazing. I lost 35 pounds of water weight before leaving the hospital 2 days later, and another 15-20 pounds in the few months following her birth. I am now back under my pre baby weight, and yet my body looks like a war zone. I will be fighting for the next year or two in order to find myself again. I need to reclaim my body, and joining weight watchers is exactly what I did to help me achieve that goal. I want to be happy with who I am as a person both inside and out, and I think that i'm taking the proper steps to ensure that happens.

I am down to 3 meals a day, and usually 3 snacks. I take vitamins, drink water, and do some form of movement every day. (Even if its just walking around the house!) I am getting better at working out more, and I'm trying to re-evaluate my meals so I can get in all of my recommended food groups, but its rough. I only have 29 pts to work with, and that makes for a hard time creating meals + snacks. (Feel free to post suggestions.) Really, I'm hoping that the reason I'm constantly hungry all of a sudden, is because my metabolism is working the way it should once again. A girl can dream right?

Peace, Love, and Rambling Blogs
Sarah V.

Sunday, April 25, 2010


This is a tshirt from Old Navy. I bought it probably 3 months ago, and now I feel like I'm swimming in it. It is only an XL. The neckline is NOT a boat collar, it actually just stretches THAT far!

Here I am again in my pajamas. I took this picture tonight, literally 30 minutes ago. I am starting to come together nicely if I do say so myself. I make it sound like I'm a swingset that takes ages to put together! "She's coming together nicely fellas, now put that swing up on the left, thanks." Okay, honestly I don't know what I'm talking about. It's late and I'm tired! I am officially down 7.5 pounds since I started weight watchers. I wish I could say it was more (like my freaking hubby who has already lost 15!) I am down 70 pounds since my heaviest weight though, and that's what matters right? I am working on a healthier lifestyle. Writing what I eat really opens my eyes as to what it is I'm putting in my body.

Today, for the first time in a week I actually ate all 3 meals. I had been skipping breakfast because I'd been waiting so long to get up to take care of myself. I would get up early, take care of the baby, then lie on the couch. This week will be different, I'm going to take control of my mornings again. I ended up going 3 points over today and into weeklies because of a bran muffin, but it's better that than chocolate! I also got in my 3 servings of milk, and all my liquids. I'm still having issues getting in 5 servings of veggies/fruits, because I'm such a picky eater, and I only have 29 points to play with. Here's a run down of what I ate today.

1 Cup Fiber One Honey Clusters Cereal-4 pts
1 Cup 2% Milk-3pts

Peanut Butter & Strawberry Jelly on Honey Wheat Bread-7 pts
1 cup 2% milk-3 pts

3 oz roast beef-6pts
1 Cup cooked carrots-1 pts
1 Cup 2% milk-3pts

Rosemary & Olive Oil crackers-2pts
Bran muffin-3pts
Diet Dr. Pepper-0pts

That's all I've got for you lovely blog readers tonight. Check back later this week when I get back on track and on topic. Prepare for more vlogs, and less meaningless blogs. (Unless you like them?)

If you aren't already, follow my on twitter! My link is off to the right of this page.

Peace, Love, and Music Pics
Sarah V.

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Happy Saturday fellow bloggers and blogettes! I hope everyone else is having as productive a morning as I am. I woke up at 7 a.m. today so that I had time to get ready for my 9 a.m. weight watchers meeting. I got dressed, did my hair, swept the kitchen, picked up toys, got the baby up, poured her milk, cooked her scrambled eggs, and then made sure Drew was up. It was a relatively good morning.

Andrew and I don't eat before we weigh in. We have found that we both do better that way, and then we have breakfast after we get home. Normally, thats never an issue, but today while staring at my daughters scrambled eggs my stomach growled a mighty growl. The smell of those tasty tasty eggs was teasing my tummy! Luckily, It was time to go soon after. I brought a Dasani and a Nutri-Grain bar to the meeting so that I had something to nibble on while I waited for my breakfast. Mmmm Strawberry Nutri-Grain bar. (Btw those are only 2 pts!)

I was honestly not expecting a loss today. I was in fact expecting a gain, if anything. The last 2 weeks I was stuck on the same weight, down to the exact ounce! I hadn't worked out at all last week, minus my one hour walk yesterday. Luckily, I think that's what budged the scale a little. (I'm down one pound.) Earlier in the week I was all the way down to 192, and then I drank about 5 diet sodas this week and had leftover Easter candy. Well, no more soda and it's time to chuck the Easter candy. (I am crying one sad lonely tear for all that chocolate.)

I've decided this next week will be better. I am getting ready to go for another walk when Emma takes her nap. I am going to do my best to get in at least 30 minutes of movement every day this week! I am sure I can handle it, even if its just chasing Emma through the house. I play with her a lot, but I never remember to count that as activity. Oh well. I was down a whole pound this week, making my grand total 15 lbs gone since January, 8 since I started W.W. and 70 since I gave birth. I only have another 23.5 lbs to go until goal weight. Yayy!

In order to motivate myself to walk more, I signed up for weight watchers 5k today. For anyone who isn't sure, the 5k is 3.1 miles long. I am so excited, I actually had to talk my husband into it, but he agreed. It isnt until June, so I have plenty of time to get used to the idea of walking 3 miles. I'm pretty proud that I even am thinking of doing something so awesome. I hope we can actually do it.

Well, there you have it. I have no idea what I said because my mind is running a million miles an hour. I think this is probably another one of those rambling blogs that jumps all over the place. I'm not sure, but I hope you understand what it is I'm saying. Last week was a shitty week, and this week Im feeling all revved up and motivated again. Hopefully, by the end of the week this feeling is still going strong. W-F are my weak days.

Today my leader said something that I thought was interesting:
If you always do, what you always did-
you'll always get, what you always got.

Aside from the horrific grammar in that mantra, I think its a good fit for weight loss.
Don't you?

Peace, Love, and Crackers
Sarah V.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

I'm baack.

Guess who's back? No, it's not Slim Shady! It's shapely Sarah. Yeah, I made that up on the spot, and let's never speak of it again. Did you miss me? Did you notice I was gone? Don't lie to me, or I'll fry you with a bug zapper.

This week has been one of those rough weeks. I am losing all motivation, I am losing all support, I am losing everything really. Well, except weight. Go figure. Being a stay at home mom to an 18 month old daughter, everyone assumes I've got time on my hands. In reality, I don't. I'm sure that you all think I can just gate her up, and do my thing, but it doesn't work that way in my house. First of all, my daughter will throw a tantrum until she literally gets hurt if I put her in her room. It doesn't matter if its for five minutes or fifty five, she knows that gate time means Im leaving. That leads me to conclusion number two, if she can hear me or see me, she will not stay silent. She is very attached to me.

My daily routine usually goes something like this.
  1. Get out of bed
  2. Get Emma milk
  3. Find and then cook Emma breakfast
  4. Feed Emma
  5. Change Emma's diaper and clothes
  6. Play with Emma
  7. Husband comes home for lunch, yells at me for skipping breakfast
  8. Eat lunch with the husband, chat with him til he goes back to work
  9. Find and make the baby lunch
  10. Feed the baby (this step takes 20-30 minutes btw)
  11. Change her diaper/clothes again
  12. Put her down for a nap
  13. Listen to her cry herself to sleep for an hour
  14. Sneak in a fast shower
  15. Blow dry my hair/fix my hair
  16. Sit down, have a snack, grab a drink, pick up toys, etc
  17. Get baby up
  18. Change her diaper
  19. Get her another cup
  20. Play with her
  21. Talk to dad and grandpa when they get home
  22. Find her supper
  23. Cook dinner for 4.
  24. Feed her
  25. Wash dishes/clean kitchen
  26. Bathtime
  27. 30 minutes of family time
  28. Put on pjs and overnights
  29. Clean her bedroom
  30. Pick up all her toys
  31. Say her goodnights to everyone
  32. Put her to bed
  33. Listen to her cry herself to sleep for another hour, and leave the area so she can't hear me
By now it is 9 pm. I can't leave the house because not only do I not currently have a working car, but I also don't have a working house key. This means, I can't go out for a walk. I can't go to the store. I can't go to the gym. I can't go to the park. I can't go to the daycare. I can't do anything, because I'm a prisoner in this G.D. house! Anyways,  her daddy has been going to bed at 10 pm because he has to get up for work at 4.

The last few workouts I did were while dad was home and could watch her. He would play with her, or even watch her while I went on a walk or run. This week his entire schedule changed, and it threw off the entire family. Not only is his sleep schedule off, but we're not sleeping in the same room. The baby is getting up at all sorts of random hours because she hears him come and go at 5 a.m. She's also been teething and had a diaper rash, so she has wanted to be held non stop. It's like this entire week nothing has worked out for me.

All I want to do, is get the baby into her stroller and go for a walk. Tomorrow, my husband comes home at 3 pm and he's mowing the lawn. He can't watch her because he has to work, and mow the lawn, and he doesn't get up with her at all during the night because he has sleep apnea. It's ALL me. If this isn't a workout, I don't know what is. I am a full time, on call, 24/7 parent. I stay up for days on end with ZERO sleep while she is sick. I clean up after 2 grown men, an infant, and myself. I cook for a family of 4, I clean up after a family of 4, I wash dishes 3 times a day used by that same family. And, there are plenty of things I do that ARENT listed during the day. Do you see times listed where I can use the rest room? Do you see times listed where I spend 5 minutes checking my bank statement online? Most of my facebook/twitter happens from my phone after everyone's asleep!

The layout of my house is simple. One story, wood floors, vaulted ceilings. There is a horrible echo through the entire house. This week the baby is in one room, the grandpa is in the room across the hall, daddy is in the living room directly across from them, and my back room is just off the living room. If I sneeze, I will wake the family. I am just having a very, very stressful week. I know that these aren't reasons, I know that they're excuses, but I find it very difficult to work out when I have zero support, zero help, and zero place/way to do it. Next week WILL be better. This week has sucked monkey anyways. I am going to try my damndest to walk tomorrow, if it doesn't rain AGAIN! That, and if Emma is feeling alright, she did have 3 shots today. *sigh*

On a happier note, my daughters pediatrician looked me up and down once and told me that I looked like I'd lost a LOT of weight since I saw her last. (Hmm, is 14 pounds in 3 months a lot of weight?) That was damn near the only bright part of my day.

Oh and in case anyone was wondering why I wasn't blogging, or if anyone even noticed it's because I have had so much going on at home, and I've been so depressed with things lately that I just haven't made the time to get online. Honestly, I haven't had any me time in quite a while. Today I attempted to watch a movie and I had to stop it over 8 times just to get to the end. It took me about 6 hours to watch an hr long movie. That's how awesome my life is right now. I can't even enjoy a little down time. I feel like I'm always on the run, always on the move, always doing something. Cooking, cleaning, playing, running errands, laundry, dishes, doctors, stores, etc. We actually wore pedometers to walmart the other day and after we left we figured up that we had earned 1 activity point each. I don't know if that's awesome or depressing, because walking around walmart is how we kill time before coming back home while we grocery shop.

Okay, I'm seriously signing off now. I will find a way to work out again, even if it means doing yoga in the shower. lol. But for real, show the love. I desperately need it. And I know it's technically Friday but I will post a Fun loving Friday post in the morning/afternoon. This is just going to be my "lets pretend its still Thursday and cheat a little" blog post. :)

Peace, Love, and Bitching (Its what I do best)
Sarah V.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010


Today is a fail. It's just one of those days, where you know everything is going to go wrong. I've been dealing with the domino effect all morning.

It all started when I woke up late and from there it just snowballed. I tripped over the baby gate leaving the bedroom, tripped on the couch pillows which were strewn about the floor, and then tripped over a bucket sitting in the kitchen. Hello, didn't I just clean that all up last night? *Sigh* I got Emma her milk and gave her some breakfast before laying on the couch to watch Sabrina The Teenage Witch on Abcfamily. Don't judge. I grew up on that show, and I like to feel nostalgic.

When 10 am rolled around, I decided I was going to get off my duff and do something. I went to the bathroom and attempted to fix my hair. It wasn't happening today, so I said forget it, and into a pony tail it went. I threw on my sports bra, a hoodie, and my workout pants. I was going to take Emma on a nice LONG walk around the neighborhood. I knew it would make me feel better.

Then, just as I'm getting ready to dress Emma, my husband sends me a text saying he'll be home for lunch in ten minutes. Okay, looks like I'm not going anywhere after all. So, I patiently wait for him to get home, and I start making myself some delicious ramen noodles. He comes home, we talk, I check the mail and see my awesome books from Quinn for my bday, and then I come back inside. I drained my noodles, and finished making them on the stove. That's new to me, because I always make them in the microwave. I was up too late for breakfast, so I opted for a nice filling lunch. The noodles sounded and smelled delicious, and they were the last pack, so I was excited to eat them. Just then, I tripped over another baby toy, and down go the noodles. Yep, my only pack of ramen noodles, are now all over the floor AND on top of my cell phone which also fell to the ground.

I drop to the ground with a roll of paper towels cursing the day. The noodle juice burned my hand on the way down, and I'm just beyond frustrated. The baby wouldn't stay out of the kitchen, because she wanted to play in the fun noodle mess! I made her cry when I told her she had to go play in the other room. (Making mom feel even worse about her terrible day, check!)

My husband says his goodbyes, and I think to myself that now would be an even BETTER time to go for that walk because I need the fresh air and quiet time. Well, what do you know, the very moment my husband leaves, it starts to rain. So, I put the baby down for a nap, and I'm enjoying some me time online.

Now, my tummy is growling, I'm too irritated to cook, the kitchen needs cleaned, and my hand hurts. Today has already really just been sucking. OH, and its only noon! So, I'm going to try not to set anything on fire, break any bones, or do anything requiring a swat team. Wish me luck.

For now, I'm going to go sulk in the corner, and read about food.

Peace and Love.

Monday, April 19, 2010


Do you all see this number? This wonderful, fantastic, beautiful number? Well, that was my weight at of 4/19/2010. I weighed in on Saturday at 195.5, but the entire week before I had the birthday celebration I was at 193. Apparently, my bloating, water weight, and ice cream flab have gone back to normal. Plus, drinking 3 liters of water a day seems to really help with the weight loss. Yay.

The reason this number is so fabulous to me is because at my heaviest I was 262 pounds! That means that as of today I have lost 70 pounds. Of course, the last ten or so has been with the help of weight watchers, the first thirty was dropped within weeks after birth, and I have spent the last YEAR working on the other 30! I think that the day I step on the scale and its under 190, I may actually faint.

Of course, losing 70 pounds in 18 months is a pretty big accomplishment for me, considering I did 90% of it on my own. I had no weight loss regiment, I had no weight loss buddies, I didn't take diet pills, or have a support system for a very long time. Then, in January of this year, I decided to start a little weight loss campaign. It started off as a wii weight loss challenge, that would be done in 6 weeks. It ended up turning into a full on lifestyle change, for myself and several others! Here I am, 4 1/2 months later, and I'm still going strong. I am moving more, eating healthier, drinking more water, and you are all still here by my side. In fact, some of you are new readers who have found me on twitter even. I feel so loved.

So, this last week my friend Brooke EXPOSED herself via blog. Now, you've all seen my stomach and how nicely its shrinking. What you havent seen is everything else. So, in honor of Brooke AND the Exposed movement, I'm going to show you all what I've spent the last 2 years hiding from. Are you ready for this? Hell. I'll give you a full frontal AND a side view. (The first one Im still wearing my boxers, so just be mindful of that, haha)

So, first of all, note the happy smile on my face. (Sarcasm) I actually took about ten of each shot, and by the end I wasnt smiling at all. Unfortunately, the other pics all turned out blurry because 1.) my mirror is dirty and 2.) the bathroom isn't lit well enough not to use a flash, but the flash reflects and ruins the picture. So, hooray.

Now, I'm going to do something I never do. I'm going to once again follow in Brookes foot steps and talk about what I LIKE about myself, rather than what I HATE. Pictures included. Woo for pic blogs.

My favorite thing about myself is my eyes. I know that everyone loves their eyes for different reasons, but mine are the one feature I've never grown tired of. Even wearing contacts, they still fit my personality. My eyes are awesome because they change color naturally. It always freaks people out, and no one believes that I don't wear colored contacts. (I wear regular contacts is all!) My eyes change from blue, green, hazel, and gray. If you ever have gone through my pictures, pay close attention to my eyes. They blend to match what I'm wearing, or my mood. If they're gray, I'm usually upset. The other colors do what they want.

My second favorite thing about myself, is my smile. I don't like my teeth, but I love my little smart ass smirk. If you ever see me smile with my teeth, I probably look like this...........
Yep, this is my Derrr face. :) It's fun to laugh at yourself sometimes. But in all seriousness, I love my face. I look like my mom, and the more people tell me that, the happier it makes me. I love my mom and I'm proud to look like her. We're both very beautiful women. Plus, It would be creepy if I looked like my dad!

So today, I'm proud of my body and I'm proud of myself for what I've done. It's been a long journey, and I plan on continuing to do it for the rest of my life. I will get to my goal weight. I will not be depressed if I have an off week. I will try my best to keep reminding myself that I AM doing a good job, and that these things take time.

Until next time blog readers!
Sarah V.

P.s. Thanks to Quinn for the birthday shout out on Friday! I know I don't look 24, but I promise I am. And this is all I had for my birthday celebration, alongside my TCBY ice cream. But It was so, so, so, so, soooo delicious.

Peace and Love.