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Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Numbers.

This weekend is my 24th birthday. That's right people, as of 8:11 a.m. on the 16th of April, I will be 24 years old. That's a lot of numbers for me to throw at ya isn't it? I am afraid I'm going to fall off the wagon. I'm afraid I'm going to eat my body weight in cake and ice cream. Even worse still, I am feeling quite depressed lately. When I get depressed one of two things happens. The first of which being, I eat until I cant even button my pants. The second of which being, I starve myself. Obviously, niether of these things are healthy, and I'm conscious of them. Being conscious of them means that I can try to halt either of these things from happening. But, Some habits just die hard..

There are a lot of things going on in my life right now that are making me unhappy. The fact that I'm almost 24 and living with my father in law being the first. The fact that my car has been broken down for 3 1/2 months, with no signs of it being fixed, is the second. The third, well money. Isn't that everyone's issue these days? My husband is barely getting any hours at work, and I cant physically get a job without the ability to get there and back. I need to be able to drive myself to work, and my daughter to and from daycare. The only way our lives are going to improve will be for us to get our shit together, move out, both work, and put our daughter in daycare.

I hate the idea of Emma going to daycare, but she has spent every day of her life for 18 months sitting at home with mommy. She needs to be around other kids, and I'm aware of this. I really would like to be a stay at home mom when she hits school age, but right now life has other plans for us. We need like fourteen miracles to occur simultaneously, but nothing is ever easy enough for us. It seems like we're always clawing our way up out of one hole, and digging ourselves right back down into another. We are tired of taking help from everyone else, trying to please everyone else, and listening to everyone else. The situation we're in is taking a real toll on our marriage, and our lives ,even if I'm the only one who sees it. Its time to grow up, and move forward. It's time to make our own futures, and not let everyone else plan them for us.

So, my 24th year will be dedicated to doing just that. I am giving myself one year from the 16th of April, to get my life in order. I am giving myself one year to have a place of our own, a decent job, and some financial stability. If after one year, I am still in the same situation: carless, jobless, and technically homeless, I will be forced to move back to Iowa for a while to re-evaluate my priorities. So wish me luck in my year long endeavor, stick with me to find out what happens, and pray to god that I don't eat my body weight in cake. Because honestly, I kind of want to.

Maybe Ill just get myself a cupcake instead?

Peace, Love, and Bitching.
Sarah V.

1 comments:

The Hay Family said...

I think a cupcake sounds great! Maybe you can have two...cause it's your Birthday! I think your goals sound great! This is a year of challenges for us! Let's do this together!

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