Time For A Reality Check...

Okay, so I am here once again to vent. If you haven't been here before, then I should tell you that I just write randomly. So, today's topic of conversation is:

LINGERIE MODELS

So, for anyone who doesn't know me, I will let you all in on a little bitty secret....I'm pretty opinionated. Maybe that's not such a secret after all. Now, hear me out before you roll your eyes at "yet another weight related blog." Just sit down, eat some popcorn, and read what I have to say. You don't have to agree with it, but if you didn't want random blogging, well, what the heck did you come here for?

RaNdOm PoIntLeSs NuMbErS:

At the age of 15, I could fit into a teeny, tiny size 6. Yes me, in a size 6. Amazing!!

At the age of 16, I gained 30+ pounds. My size 6, suddenly went to a size 12/14. I found this perfectly acceptable at the time. I still looked pretty good considering I was just over 160 lbs.

At the age of 19, I lost a bunch of weight and was back into a size 11. Hooray for me. Right?

At the age of 21, I weighed 195 lbs. I stood 5 foot, eleven inches tall. I wore a size 40DD. And, I was in a size 14 for good.

And now, finally......where I am today.

I am a size 14/16 but I prefer a size 16 so that I can pull my jeans up 'mom style' to help camo the gut. I weigh 199 pounds, and I am a 40DDD/F bra size. I am no where near as happy with my body as I once was, but I know that if I were to ever become a size 6 again, I would look scary ill. 

Now that all of those random pointless numbers have been shoved into your head, let me give you a visual.

This woman is a 'supposed' size 6. Imagine, if she's a size 6 what a size zero might look like. I'm not saying their arent HEALTHY people who are naturally that small, but some of these people are not meant to be this small. Keep reading, just keep reading.

Now, here we have the other end of the spectrum. This woman is a US size 16. Do I look like her? No. Do I look like the size six model? No. So what am I here to bitch about? Well, I'll tell you what. While I may  not have the "fit fat" shape that the size 16 model does, I do have very similar measurements. I have recently begun trying to love my own body regardless of it's size. I know that I'm a happy, healthy mother. I know that I have a husband who loves me, friends who love me, and I know that I'm no stranger to the occasional flirt from a random passer by. Now, if all of those people can look past my size 14/16 jeans, why can't I?

Today, I went online to look at some sexy lingerie for myself. I haven't felt good about myself in a long time, and hey-I'm only human. Once in a while we all want to look beautiful. After all, I AM a woman. So, I searched the internet for a while trying to find the best quality and the best buys. I found a few awesome plus sized lingerie stores (I'm considered a 1X thanks to my large chest) but their lingerie is $50 and up. Now, I don't mind paying that once in a while, but I was wanting to buy one or two pieces this time so I kept shopping.

Just as I was about to give up, I was reminded of Fredericks Of Hollywood. I had been told by several people that they carried "plus size" lingerie, and "plus size" bras. Why not check it out for myself? Why not go there and see what they had to offer. I went to their website where I was immediately greeting by the smiling face of a size two model. "Ugh," I said to myself in disgust, "I can't imagine looking like that, and yet I want to." ....No, no, no. I should slap myself for thinking like that. I'm a bigger girl and I need to learn to be okay with that. I will NEVER be a size six again. Just, move on. So, I did.

I took a deep breath, and I clicked the little marking that read "Plus Sizes."  Now, since I'm new to the whole "plus size" scene, I thought that it would be nice and refreshing to see women MY size wearing these clothes. I wanted to know how the outfits would look on a girl my size. I wanted to see a woman with a big chest, little waist, and huge hips. Do you want to know what I was greeted with? Well-do you? 

IT WAS THE SAME FUCKING MODEL FROM THE MAIN PAGE. 

What? Fredericks Of Hollywood, are you too cheap to splurge on a plus size model? It only takes ONE. Are you too afraid she might eat a cupcake on your watch? Do you realize the damage your doing to your own business when girls like myself can't even IMAGINE buying clothes from you, because you discriminate against us. Sure, it may be unintentional but then again, who's to say it isn't? I'm just amazingly agitated that people I know, people I'm friends with, and people who are my size and several, several sizes larger can shop at this store problem free.

Now, I will say that if we had an actual store around where I could go check things out, try things on, see them in person, talk to a sales rep, or a manager....well then, things might be different. But not unlike so many others, I shop online for a reason. Do I have the ability to go to the mall whenever I feel like it? NO, I don't. Do I have the ability to take a day for myself to try on clothes until I find something that fits me like a glove? NO, I don't. I'm a stay at home mother, and we are currently surviving on one family car. A barf green kia rio...and it's my husbands car. 

Now, with all of that being said...how many women out there are in their mid twenties, with children, and still wearing a size zero. How many of you hot mamas get to go to the mall, alone, kid free, husband or boyfree free, and just spend all day trying on clothes that absolutely fit you? How many of you can pick up a pair of jeans off a rack, and then another of a totally different style and still fit into them? How many? If you're one of these ladies, I must say that you are either one lucky beyotch, or you worked your ASS OFF for the bod you've got. If that's the case, then kudos to you pretty lady.

So, that's my rant for the day. I wanted to buy some sexy outfits to wear. I wanted to feel pretty in my lacy lingerie with my sexy heels, and I wanted to know that there were still some people out there who didn't look at plus sized people with shame and disappointment. I mean after all, America is the fattest country in the nation. We survive off of fast food, junk food, processed food. We spend all of our money frivolously, and I hate to break it to you but the "plus sized" people are taking over this country. Now, if you have an insult to throw my way. If you think that I need to eat less, workout more, and lay off the carbs, then I've got news for you. I have spent every day of my life fighting a battle with my weight. I have monitored every calorie going in, and every calorie burned. I have starved myself, taken weight loss pills, jammed the handle of my toothbrush down my throat to vomit, taken diet pills while starving myself, and worked out to the point of exhaustion. So trust me, I have tried every quick fix. I have tried every remedy. I have been up and down, up and down, up.......and down, again and again. I have tried my best to fight the battle of the bulge, and the bulge has won. 

I am now taking matters into my own hands. I am working out, I am dieting, and I am eating healthy foods. I don't eat a lot of junk, I don't drink my favorite soda, and I am honestly trying to make a life style change. The hardest part of ALL OF THIS.....well, the hardest part isn't losing the weight. The hardest part is learning to accept that my body isn't now, nor will it ever be, the same as it was before all of this.

I took a nine month journey. I watched my body bend, stretch, wriggle, and jiggle in ways I never knew imaginable. I lost sixty pounds in nine months and watched my stomach deflate like an old beach ball. I have done what I'm supposed to do, and all that's left now is for me to continue to live a healthier lifestyle, hope that my body appreciates it and shows me a little gratitude, and for me to learn to love myself exactly the way I am......regardless of what anyone else says.

Peace, Love, and Ranting.

Sarah V.

P.s. SHAME ON YOU FREDERICKS OF HOLLYWOOD.

SHAME. ON. YOU.

Dear Girl Scouts Of America...

Dear Girl Scouts,

Please, oh please stop making such delicious treats. You are going to make us all fat! We can't say no to your smiling little faces when you ask us how many boxes you can put us down for. My husband, well he chose 4 boxes. I did really well and only had 2 of your cookies, which is sadly one serving size. The tag alongs were amazing, but I wish i could have had more. I will be enjoying somoas, tag alongs, and thin mints as time goes on. I don't think I'll eat the lemon cookies though....

Sincerely,
Sarah V.


P.s. Eating your cookies means I have to work out extra hard! Curses.

Hair + Vlog=Fail

I got my bangs cut last night. My husband likes them, most of my friends think they're too short, AND one even told me I look like a soccer mom circa 1995 and that I should kill whoever "did this to me." So, no more video blogs. I'm really self conscious about how bad I look now. I guess I'll just let my bangs grow for a few weeks, and never cut them again. Sigh. I almost thought they looked okay for a split second, but then everyone started telling me how bad I looked. It's great that people are honest, but there's a certain point of honesty that you just don't pass. "I don't really care for them." See-that's an honest phrase I'm okay with. "You look like shit, who the hell did that to your head?" That- that's a little too honest. What do you think.

Here's a little before and after. i don't think my bangs look terrible, they're just new and will take some adjusting. They were cut to be parted just on one side, so I will have to train them a little bit, but is it really THAT bad? *Cries*

Anyways, we are getting ready to go hit up a Chinese place for lunch. My husband hasn't shut up about Chinese in 3 days, so we're going to go. Luckily they have veggies and other healthy foods, because I'm not a huge fan of "original" Chinese dishes. Then we are going to go walk around the mall. I have to return a hoodie I ordered that didn't fit because of my chest *ahem* being in the way. So, I'm goin to get a medium mens hoodie because I KNOW They fit better. I have one in XL and it's not only huge and super long, but it's very comfy. It sucks because it's freezing out today, but at least we're getting out of the house! So hopefully I can get a few hours of walking in at the mall. Walking is always nice, but I'm more excited about Tuesday when I get to wriggle my chunky butt into a yucky one piece bathing suit and go swimming, woohooo!

Okay, my hubby is pressuring me to get ready so I have gotta get going. Ill keep you updated, and for the love of god SOMEONE tell me my hair isn't as bad as I think it is.

Peace, Love, and Bad Hairstyles
Sarah V.

VLOG 3

So, I meant to post this wayyyyyyyyyyy earlier today. Looks like I totally forgot, so I apologize in advance. Also...I'm very strange. :) Enjoy my awkwardness. Much love. Oh and we were at walmart for 2 hours walking. Ha. It was a zoo in there.

Enjoy!

Work It

So the other day I re-hurt my knee, but today it's feeling ten times better. When Emma goes down for her nap, it's back to the ole workout routine for me. I have been doing better about my eating again, tryin to remember to actually eat 3 meals a day. I've mostly had fruits and veggies as snacks, and I quit buying so much frozen, processed food. It's been kind of rough, but I'm working on it.

My husband wants to go visit our friends this weekend. It's a 3 hour drive, and he wants to get a hotel room. That means all I'll want to do is go swimming and hot tub........except, I don't want to be seen in a bathing suit. There are no ways to hide your flaws in a bathing suit. Ugh. Oh well, I think Emma would love to swim! I hope so, this could be fun and exciting. AND Swimming is great exercise. It's the one exercise that I could do all day and night. When I was a kid I used to spend 9 hours a day at the pool. I'd go from 1-5, sit at the park while it was closed from 5-6 for dinner, then go back from 6-9. I loved it. That's probably why I was so in shape. When I was pregnant I swam up until my sixth month or so. I had the hardest time finding a bathing suit that fit, because I was wearing an 18 and it fit everywhere but the butt. So I had this saggy swim butt going on. It wasn't sexy. Now I'm back to a 14, and I'm wishing reallllllllllllly hard that I can get down to an 11 or 12. I just am so tired of being 'big.'

Anyways, I'm off to eat my honey bunches of oat, feed the baby, change her diaper, get into my work out clothes, put her down for a nap, and try to get in a work out........Assuming I don't pass out on the couch first. *yawn.*

Peace, Love and TLC
Sarah V.

Dear Friends.

This is just a quick shout out to the ladies who are there standing by me, and also one another. If it weren't for you guys, I would NOT be as far as I am today. I wouldn't have turned my eating habits around, given up my BELOVED Dr. Pepper, (Still haven't had one all year!) or ever in a MILLION years bought a workout machine, or even attempted a 6 week challenge. You are all the strength that gets me through, the motivation that keeps me going, and the friends that I love getting to know on all of these new levels. So Cheers to you girls.

 NATHALIE
www.littlepiggetsskinny.blogspot.com

Nathalie, even though we have never met, you are a great inspiration to me. We face the same struggles, we are around the same weight, and we both know our way around a yo-yo diet. Every time you write a new blog, I can read it and relate so much. You only live a state away, so who knows, maybe over time we can become close friends and one day we can road trip and the girls can play date! You are doing a fantastic job, and even though you're stuck in a rut with "month 2" I know you can do it. I have faith in your abilities. Stay positive!

QUINN
www.skinnyquinny.blogspot.com

Quinn. My little Quinndalynn. I wonder how much that nickname annoys you sometimes. Even though we used to work together, I have very little memory of the time we spent talking. I wish we had gotten to know each other more when we were working together, and perhaps even hung out more. Even though we didn't, I'm glad we became friends. I have no idea how we became online buddies, I have no idea how it is we even began chatting to be honest with you. All I know is that I couldn't have asked for a better battle buddy!! You were by my side through my pregnancy as a "pregnancy buddy." And now, here we are fighting the battle of the bulge together! You are a great friend, and I love talking to you. You are the best listener and one of the best advice givers I have ever met. You are also a great writer, and I hope you know that! You and I seem to connect a lot on different levels, and 99 percent of the time I absolutely forget that you are 3-4 years older than me! I can't wait to visit Iowa and I hope that you get to come visit. I would LOVE it for Har and Emma to meet. I have a feeling that you and I will be friends for many years to come. You are doing a great job at weight loss, and sometimes I am jealous of how great you look! I keep reminding myself we are different people, with different body types. I know you struggle with yourself the same way the rest of us do, but I think you look great! Now we just have to get our husbands on the weight loss bandwagon! *Hugs.*


BROOKE
www.brookenotonadiet.blogspot.com

Oh Brooke. I can't believe it's been years since we last saw one another. I will admit, that our last visit was a lovely way to go out, haha. From the first day I met you, I was taken aback by how outgoing you were. You have this personality that I would kill for. Your eyes sparkle when you talk about something you love, and you let passion consume you when you find something worth keeping. We love the same music, we love the same bands, we support the same groups, (twloha anyone? <3) and of course we both have kick ass tattoos. I am so glad that I met you, even if it was under strange circumstances. If it weren't for Chad, you and I would never have known one another, so we should probably thank him for that! You are an amazing girl, and you inspire me with every blog you write. I am absolutely amazed at your progress and dedication. You look like a different person than when I met you! You are GORGEOUS! I hope that your journey continues on until you can find a place where you're happy, just like the rest of us. I just want you to know that I think what you've done, and what you're doing is AMAZING. Hell, I think you should be a spokes model for Weight Watchers at this point. You are one HELL of a success story girl.


SARAH (That's right, this is to myself!)
www.shapestory.blogspot.com

Dear Sarah,
You are an amazing person. Sometimes it saddens me that life has thrown more at you than you feel you can handle, but I know you will get through it. You are doing a great job. You are an amazing mother, and your daughter loves you very much. Every time you have a bad day, I want you to remind yourself that you are doing this not only for yourself, but for her as well. You don't want your daughter to face the same weight struggles that her parents do. You want her to know from a young age how to eat right and exercise. You are also a great wife. Though at times you and your husband don't get along, deep down you love one another. Things are rough right now, and you need to cut everyone some slack. It isn't easy on anyone being 24 and living at home with the in-laws. I know stress gets to you, but i'm VERY proud of you for not giving in and becoming a binge eater.........again. I am also astonished that you have given up your FAVORITE soda in the whole wide world. Sure, the occasional Sprite, Seven Up, or Root Beer won't hurt you nearly as much because they are caffeine free, but keep it to a minimum okay? Oh, and great job actually LEARNING TO LOVE water! Which, if you recall is something you once loathed. I know you get down on yourself because your weight loss is taking a long time, but honey, that's because you're doing it the right way. For the first time in your life you're not taking diet pills and starving yourself. You're not depriving yourself of the things you love, but rather learning to use moderation. You are changing your entire life a little at a time. Sure, it's hard. Sure, it will take a really long time. But just know that in the end this is goin to be worth it. You will be happy with yourself, you will love yourself more with each passing day, and you will succeed. You have a lot of great friends who are here to help you fight this war, and as long as they keep pushing on, so too shall you.

And Finally-YOU. Yes YOU.
Hello random blog reader. I see you over there in the corner spying. I have recently begun to notice you, and your blogs as well. I am a subscriber, and I am now following in your story as well! I haven't got much to say about you yet, but you are now a part of my journey. I am also a part of yours. Our lives have intertangled, if only on blogger, and I love to read your stories. You are a motivation just like the rest of these girls, and we look forward to reading your stories, your comments, your struggles and triumphs. Welcome to the battle of the buldge, we look forward to hearing from you!!

Thanks to all of the blog readers, friends, family, facebookers, myspacers, and random bloggers who stop by to view my page, and the pages of my friends. We appreciate the support, and love every bit of it. <3

SINCERELY,
Sarah V.

My Montage 2/23/10 at OneTrueMedia.com

A Video of my progress so far...can you see any changes?

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Progress?

I really don't think I could tell you the last time I wore pants that actually sit AT my hips, and these do. No, no one needs to worry about my fashion sense, it's fine. Those are lounge pants that I threw on after having been out for the day. I just hadn't changed the rest of my outfit to match, haha. This is the shirt that I wore to applebees (with jeans) and I have an undershirt on underneath. I don't think I look too bad anymore, but I honestly can't see any difference since probably 2 months ago. I feel like I haven't changed much, which is discouraging.

This picture is blurry, which always happens when I take pictures without the flash. I am quite a bit bloated right now (I will take another pic next week to prove it) and ever since I had Emma when I bloat, it gets BAD. I look 4 months pregnant every time. I hate it. Anyways, I am still working towards my goal and just thought I would update you all with some photos I took. I obviously should have chosen a better day to do than than my pre-period days but when you're 15 days late there aren't a lot of options. Today I'm already feeling much better about myself, and hopefully with time I can lose the rest of that tummy pudge.

Stats updates:
Weight: 199.6
Waist: 34.5 inches
Hips: 44 inches
Bust: 40 inches
Stomach: 39 inches. (the area above the bellybutton aka: the biggest area left.)

My Legs Are Jello!!!

My legs are jello is a metaphorical statement. I apologize if I mislead anyone into believing my legs had suddenly become delicious, slimy, cold, wiggle down your throat, delicious jello. No, no. My legs are so wobbly, I had difficulty walking up the stairs from the basement. I feel like I could pass out, and I only burned 100 calories. WHAT? This is insanity.

Well, my "plan" was to start working out today at 15 minutes a day, and then work my way up to 30. I had sort of forgotten that plan, and I tried to go full force into a 30 minute work out. I stretched a little before, and my knees are feeling pretty good. I just guess that it's not a great idea to try to vigerously pedal your feet after not working out for the past 3 weeks or better. My entire body is literally shaking. Of course, it doesn't help that my lady friend FINALLY showed up fifteen #@#$#% days late! Yeah, because that's normal. Ugh.

So, here I am feeling like cramp. I've got the usual crampy, bloating, irritation going on and I decide..."HEY! I'm goin to go work out." I was hoping it would help me feel better, but it didn't. In fact, I feel like I just ran the mile, and am about to puke. My chest is on fire, my legs are burning, and I'm as sweaty as that fat cable guy who comes to fix your internet, and you just pray he doesn't sit on your furniture. Yeah, I look THAT sexy right now.

Anyways, I did manage to get in ten minutes to start today. I might attempt another five or ten later today. If I can do my workouts in 2-15 minute incriments, or even 3-10 minute incriments then I'll be fine. It just sucks because the machine has to be in the basement, and I can only work out while Emma naps. Im lucky if I get her to do that ONCE a day for 1 1/2-2 hours. Today I made her lay back down for a nap. She's going to be pretty pissed off at me, because I'm only letting her sleep an hour since it's already so late. This means she will cry for 30 minutes, sleep for 30, and then be mad until bedtime. Usually, she will actually sleep though.

So, my "plan" didn't work out exactly as planned. I am proud of myself for actually doing what I set out to do today, even if it was only briefly. I woke up this morning and thought to myself, "I'm going to wait another week, because I feel like shit" As the day went on, I felt more and more guilty. I also wanted to prove to myself that I could make the changes necessary, and get in a little exercise every day. Just a little. I'm not going to be some huge work out fanatic, or get huge and buff. I just want to be able to make a life style change, stick to it, and reap the benefits. And oh-you better believe me, there had BETTER be benefits for all of this work I'm puttin in, heh. =]

This is my first REAL attempt at getting back into shape since I had my daughter. I have LOST plenty of weight, but the skin...the flab...the batwing arms....all needs to retire now. So-For starting the six week fitness challenge with me, and sticking to your guns, I salute all of YOU guys as well as myself. And that is why I am awesome today! (Reason #2)

Peace, Love, and Online Shopping
Sarah V.

Oh, and in other fun news...I got all of my accessories for my DSi, including 2 new games. I also got the 2nd tax refund check that we've been waiting for since last year. That gives us an extra $1200 to put in the bank. Sometimes it pays to be married....with children. Literally! If anyone has any fun suggestions on the Dsi feel free to let me know. As of right now I have
1. MySims Kingdom
2. Galatrix: Puzzle Quest
3. Scribblenauts!

:)

Sunday, Cranberry Sunday!

Mmm Cranberries. Oh, sorry. I just got done making the most awesome, and awkward dinner you've ever imagined. First off, let me just ask. How do you think whole cranberries would taste mixed with onion dip? I bet you said terrible, but its DELICIOUS. It's like a sweet barbecue sauce, or a poor mans sweet and sour. It was so, SO good.

That, is today's "reason I'm awesome." I dared to try something new. I didn't think it SOUNDED good. Hell, no one in the family did. Every last person admitted that they were afraid to try it. But, it was a hit! Hooray. The recipe calls for a whole chicken, but I just used cut up strips of chicken breast. I mixed the cranberry sauce (whole berry-8oz) and the package of onion dip mix ( 1 1/4 oz) together, blended until smooth, and then spooned over the chicken mixture in a greased pan. I cooked it for 45 minutes, threw some mashed potatos and peas on the side. Ta-da. I had a super easy, super CHEAP, delicious meal that everyone liked. I mean, what mom wants to worry about keeping their toddler away from the kitchen for 2 hours while cooking a whole bird? Although, it might be nice for a special occasion....Hmm, that's food for thought. Moving On!

I feel really crappy today. I keep feeling like I've got PMS and I have for weeks now. I was hoping (and still am) that I start tonight so I don't have to go to the doctor. I hate doctors. They are icky and mean. Okay, that's an exaggeration. I actually take Emma to the doctor a lot with the issues she's had in the past (RSV, GERD, Etc.) but when it comes to myself........thats a whole different story. I went once last year because my lungs hurt. Yes, it was scary. It hurt to breathe, and it felt like a cinder block was sitting on my chest. It turns out I had some old scar tissue that wasn't quite cleared up, from a disease I never knew I had. I forget the name of it, but it's basically when a bird is carrying a disease, and you inhale air that has been contaminated by the disease in their feces. Hundreds of thousands of people get this every year and pass it off as a common cold, but apparently my lungs had a few tell tale spots from this. I had to wait for the results, and I didn't like worrying until I got them. Ugh. Doctors...

Well, that about sums up my lazy Sunday. I haven't accomplished much. Sundays are my usual 'days off.' Andrew works on Saturday nights, so he sleeps til 2 or 3 pm on Sundays. This means that Emma and I are confined to the living room by ourselves, until he wakes up. I took a 2 hour nap today, and Emma actually took TWO naps today. WOOHOO!! I'm so stoked. Plus, the fact that it was 64 degrees out today didn't hurt.

Peace, Love, and Awkward Foods.
Sarah V.

That Pesky Little Two...

So, the last 2 days I have weighed myself I am just over 200 again. I am irritated at myself for gaining that 2 pounds back, but I don't know what I did wrong. Yes, I do...I won't lie. I keep skipping breakfast. I haven't eaten it in a week solid. I never feel like it, but I need to kick my own ass and feed myself when I feed the baby. I sit there and literally watch her eat, and yet I don't eat. It makes no sense.

I got a few apple slices yesterday and some more of my favorite 100 calorie caramel parfaits that I love so much. They satisfy my sweet tooth, without killing my diet progress for the day. I also got some more Dasani water. Seriously, I can't live without that stuff anymore.

So, the pesky two. There it is again... 200.2 lbs. That is just too high of a number for my liking. BEFORE I had my daughter I weighed 195 pounds. Yes, it sounds like a lot. In reality I wasn't fat. No, seriously! I look back now and think that I should be angry with myself for thinking I was fat when I wasn't. Okay, honestly I AM mad that I wasted tons of years thinking I was fat when I wasn't. Now I think to myself, if I thought I was fat then, what must I look like now? But-yesterday my husband pointed something out to me. As we were leaving Applebee's, I looked at myself in the windows as we walked by and remarked about my weight. He stopped, looked at me, and said, "When you look at yourself every day, criticize yourself every day, and weigh yourself every day, Im sure it gets hard to tell what you really look like."

In light of what my dear husband said, I decided he was right. That's why I like to photo blog so much. I try my best not to suck in, or hide my stretch marks, and I just let all of you blog readers out there see a side of me that I don't much care for. But, do you know what? When I go back and compare photos from week to week, I can SEE the difference that I miss every day in the mirror.

For example, when I did my cardio wii workout, i lost four inches off my waist. FOUR. I didn't notice at all, but my friends did, and my blog readers did. I eventually looked at my photos and realized I did look like my waist had gotten thinner! I also realized that while I'm trying to look thinner and healthier, my posture has improved.

Yesterday, was a big stepping stone for me. I am very insecure about my weight. So insecure in fact, that I haven't left the house without a jacket, hoodie, leather coat, giant purse, or layers of clothing hiding my belly in months. It had literally been probably six or seven months since I didn't find an outfit that I liked, work hard to look extra sexy in it, and then throw a hoodie or coat over it to "hide" my belly. For yesterdays lunch date I simply decided to ignore that urge. I felt naked. I felt strange. I felt like I had nothing to hide behind, and everyone was staring. I felt like I needed to rip my husbands green hoodie off his body and put it on, even though it was two sizes too big for me. I needed to hide, fast! So, I pulled my pants up to my chest, sunk down in the booth, and waited.

What was I waiting for? Some magic solution where my pants were way too big, and my hips were way too small? Who knows. After our appetizer came and went, I decided that I needed to just buck up and deal with my appearance. I put my pants back down at hip level, pulled my shirt down where it needed to go, sat up straight, and enjoyed my date with my husband. We ended up having such a good time, that I forgot about my weight until we got up to leave. Even still, I saw people bigger than me who weren't' stressing, so why should I? I am proud of the progress I've made, and while I fear regressing...I need to learn to love myself again.

My life shouldn't be spent hiding behind Aeropostale hoodies, pajama pants, and oversized jackets. I want to wake up in the morning, throw on jeans and a tshirt, put on my Vans, and be ready for the day. I am tired of spending my life in pajamas, lounge wear, and sweats. I am tired of putting on jeans only to go out, come home, and put pajamas right back on. Most of all, I'm tired of being uncomfortable in everything I put on because it's too short, and I'm too puffy. I am going to take the next week or so and try to remind myself why I am beautiful, and NOT list any reasons regarding to weight. You are welcome to help chip in with that list. -wink- wink!!

Peace, Love, and Bedtime.
Sarah V.

Date Night! Erm, Afternoon...

Today, my hubby took me out for a lunch date. We went to Applebee's, and spent an hour and a half kid free. It was definitely nice. I skipped breakfast (I know, I KNOW) because by the time I was up, clothed, and ready to go it was nearly time to leave. I really didn't think I should eat, before I went out to eat. I'm working on that though. Luckily I slept in for an extra hour while daddy got up with Emma. Anyways, back to what I was saying...

For lunch I had a 7 oz sirloin steak cooked medium well, mashed potatos, and mixed steamed veggies. Yes, it was as delicious as it sounds. I only wound up eating half my steak, half the veggies, and all of the potatoes. Unfortunately for me, I wound up having a sprite with my meal. Apparently, my body isn't used to the carbonation anymore, because I got deathly sick when I got home. I wound up being sick most of the day, and it wasn't fun at all.

We also had to grocery shop today. I made a small grocery list with enough meals to last Monday through Friday. We ended up spending $144 on groceries for the week. That is really high even for us, but we had to get Emma's toddler food which is $2 a meal. We are trying to get her to eat more people food, which she usually does if it's nothing too coarse. However, the last six weeks have been really rough. She keeps getting diaper rash, after diaper rash, after diaper rash. I hate it for her. She gets them in front and back, which makes it rough on everyone because none of us get to sleep. Tonight I put her down an hour early, and she has already woken up crying twice. She just cut new teeth too, so that makes it even better.

Oh wait, where was I? ...Right right. I guess I spent about 3 hours walking today. I didn't get a chance to do my elliptical because Andrew and I were gone all day. Now he is asleep until 10, and then he has to go to work at 11. I thought about trying to do it after he woke up, but I'm not sure working out before bed is a good idea, because I already have trouble sleeping at night. Exercise just makes me hyper.

On a side note, I just ate some leftover lasagna. I must say, lasagna is tasty no matter when you eat it. I probably stayed under or at least within my calorie count today, but not having breakfast was a bad thing. Hopefully I can do better tomorrow.

In non weight loss news, my life is a bit hectic right now. Is it possible to be bored and hectic all at the same time? My husband and I have been doing really well with the exception of one night. We get along well most of the time, but we are both stubborn and hard headed so when we argue it's like a fight to the death, and then nothing is resolved. Usually we both go to bed angry, which I hate doing. However, by morning we are over it and things are fine. Other than that, with Emma teething, my looking for work, tryin to get Emma into daycare (which breaks my heart) and tryin to decide when/where/how we will be getting our own place....

I'm under a LOT of stress. It may not sound like much, but I am. So-lately I have been having a lot of issues with my monthly visitor and I'm not sure if it's the stress, the diet changes, the exercise routine, or all of the above but it is reallllllllllllllly making me frustrated. I know it's weird to put all of this personal information in a blog, but I just needed to vent a little. Usually I talk to my friend Quinn, but I was taking a break from yahoo until I finished my blog. I tend to sidetrack easily otherwise.

So, as I was saying. I guess I have to make a doctors appointment. I don't particularly WANT to but both my husband AND my dear friend Quinn want me to go. I suppose it couldn't hurt since my last appointment was when my daughter was 10 weeks old. She is now 16 months, so it's been about a year and a half since my last doctors visit. That means doctor of any kind...

Some of you may not know this about me, but when I was 15 I was diagnosed with pre-cancerous cervical cells. I then had to undergo biopsies every 3 months for a year. It was horrible, and painful. I wasn't allowed to have pain killers as the doctor was cutting 3-4 pieces of my cervix out, and then rubbing my insides with iodine. After they removed and tested all of the pre-cancerous cells, they told me that my cervix looked clean. Then, a few years later I found out I had horrible ovarian cysts. I spent a few years with the worst pains, irregular periods, and cramps from rupturing cysts. Sometimes it got so bad, I would double over in tears. I had 3 miscarriages in the years before my daughter was born because of a hormone deficiency.  On TOP of pre-cancerous cervical cells, and ovarian cysts, I also was told I had a progesterone deficiency and would "most likely" be unable to carry a child without the help of fertility drugs.

What all of that has to do with now is my fear. It is adding to the stress I'm already facing. I can't stop the thought that ONE of those problems has returned. I keep trying to think positively, but for things to randomly become irregular or just stop all together is completely out of the ordinary for me. This has been going on for two months now. I keep thinking about all of the possibilities, and I don't really like the outcome of any of them. I keep thinking it could be a fluke, tryin to stay positive, but it's just really difficult to do in a situation like this. Given my medical history, it could be a number of things. I guess I'm just a little down about it all.
My husband wants me to wait it out through the weekend, see if anything happens, and if not I'm making a doctors appointment. Wish me luck that it's nothing. Hopefully I'm just over reacting, which is something I tend to do a lot.

I hope everyone is having a fantastic diet and exercise weekend, OR a break weekend. Whatever it is you're doing, I hope you do it with passion. Have a fantastic weekend everyone. I look forward to reading all of your blogs, and HOPEFULLY comments on mine. *Hint hint.*

Peace, Love, and The Disney Channel...
<3 Sarah V. <3

"The Plan"

What's "the plan?" Well, I'm sure that's what you're asking yourself right about now. "The plan" is actually quite simple. You see, today I did 5 minutes on my elliptical. Yes, five measly little minutes. I know it doesn't sound like much, but I plan on starting my routine on Monday. Since I have bad knees, I thought I would slowly get them used to the elliptical with 5 extra minutes per day until Monday. This was by then, I will be at about my half hour work out stage.

I will admit, this elliptical thing is a lot harder than I remembered it being. My knees get a little achy, but it's not too terrible. I was in shape the last time I used one of these things, and now I can tell just how out of shape I am. On the plus side, the elliptical automatically adjusts resistance during the workout on a scale of 1-8 so that you get a vigorous workout. I think just like the cardio I was doing, that in a few weeks time I will be feeling much better. My aim is for half an hour per day, five days a week. Although, I'm being told that I should probably only start with 3 days a week and work my way up. (What do you think?)

I've got a new goal set for myself with my elliptical. I always see the goals that Brooke and Quinn post, so I thought I'd make a few for myself. Are you ready yet, get set, awwwwwwwwwwww here it goes... (you'll get that if you're a 90's child who watched Nickelodeon.)

• Do my elliptical routine 3-5 days a week, for 30 minutes a day to start. (this may be broken into several workouts throughout the day. Maybe I will work out 3 times a day for 10 minutes each, or twice for 15 minutes each. Either way, I will get in 30 minutes. Once I find that is becoming too easy, I will increase to 45, then 60, etc.

• Start eating breakfast again. I know this is a simple one, but I have forgotten breakfast for the past week and a half. By the time I get up, and get Emma fed and ready for the day, it's so close to lunch time that I don't even think about breakfast. 

• Try out my new cookbook! I can't wait to go shopping and get the things I need to try some tasty new meals. Plus, it will be nice not having to look at my laptop while I'm cooking, or having to constantly write down the recipes I want. 

• Worry less about eating out. My husband likes to eat out. We have cut our fast food intake by 90%. Sure, it's not completely gone-but I don't think that's ever really a possibility for us. When we are out on the run, and it gets too late to cook we just stop and grab something. Lately I've been getting ham and cheese sandwhiches from Pals. They are DELICIOUS, and HUGE with 380 calories and are fat free. I have pretty much forgone french fries though. *wipes away a tear.*

• SODA! I still haven't had a Dr. Pepper. That's right people, I can proudly say that I haven't had a Dr. Pepper ALL YEAR! This is a big achievement for me, because a lot of the time I do want one, and then I feel guilty for thinking about it. I have been drinking more milk, chocolate milk, sweet tea, and TONS of water. (Thats a first for me.) I know that the Sweet Tea isn't much better for you than soda, but If I want something sweet, thats usually what I reach for. It sure beats a Dr. Pepper. Every once in a while I will have a Sprite, Root Beer, Or Seven Up. Most of those (if not all) are caffeine free. The root beer does make me feel bloated, but the feeling is gone by morning and I don't end up feeling sick for days like I do with Dr. Pepper.

• Walk, walk, walk. I don't walk enough. I spend my days stuck in the house. It's so cold that I can't really take Emma out for walks, and Andrew doesn't trust this neighborhood enough for me to do so. I bought my pedometer, and forgot about it after 2 days. It got stuffed in a drawer, so I will get it out today and re-start that program. I don't know how, but Emma keeps hitting my reset button, and then I'm at a loss for what I've walked! Ugh. Anyways, I spend my days mostly sitting on the bed, the couch, or the chair. I get up and around for probably a few hours a day when it comes to cleaning, chasing Emma, getting the mail, taking out the garbage, etc.  

• A non weight loss goal of mine is to find my passion and creativity again. Earlier this week when my poem was featured as poem of the day on pathetic.org I was so overjoyed. That joy later turned into depression when I realized that only two people had even cared enough to say anything about it. I felt like that was a very big achievement on my part, and everyone wrote it off as nothing. I later felt a little more encouragement, when I posted my old and new photography on facebook and had several people tell me how talented and creative I was. One friend even told me I should be doing freelance photography, which I just don't think I have the talent for honestly. It made me miss those two things that were once a HUGE part of my life. 

• And finally, school. Yes, I know we go over this all the time. I feel like I'm stuck. I need to take tests to get into school, and have shots and doctors appointments that I can't afford. Even if we had used all of our tax money, we couldn't have afforded these doctors. They charge $500 just for a visit, its hundreds of dollars per shot, and any blood drawn is another $500. The placement tests I have to take are $80, and its $20 to apply to school. (I find that strange for a community college.) On top of all that cash, I have to finish getting Emma's daycare papers filled out, and get her enrolled before I can do much of anything. I am still sad about her going to daycare, but I think she is becoming too attached to mommy, and needs some kids her own age to play with. I have filed my fafsa, and I never recieved a call from anyone! (Which is what their records stated would happen next.) 

So, that's a short list of my yearly goals. I am not sure what I will accomplish. All I know is that I'm almost 24 years old, my daughter is fast approaching pre-school age, and I don't want to become one of those housewives who are so out of touch with reality, they never quite find their way back into the real world. I don't want to spend my life cooking, cleaning, ironing, laundering, decorating, sweeping, mopping, and vacuuming. I want to interact. I want to MEET people. I want to know that if I have a bad day, there are friends that will be there for me. The longer I sit in this house, alone, going crazy..........the more depressed I feel. Working out is the one thing that makes me less stressed out, and THEN if I don't do it for some reason I feel guilty all over again. It's just time to get my life back in order.

And THAT'S "The plan."

Photo Blogging!

Well, I must admit it's been a while since I've posted any photos. Since our challenge ended I gained a pound back, but I am now going to start working out daily with my elliptical and hope to see results. I'm not exactly *proud* of my body right now, because i still have a lot of saggy mom skin left on my tummy. I am finding that is harder to get rid of than the actual weight, and from what I hear I may never be able to lose it totally. I gained and lost over 60 pounds in the course of 11 months. (My pregnancy I gained 60 and lost 35 in the first 2 months.) The following 6 months were spent slowly peeling off the additional 25 pounds, and I am still 4 pounds away from pre-baby weight. My body used to be very hourglass shaped and now...I look like a frumpy muffin! It's time to get back in the workout world, and get rid of this mom gut for GOOD! (or until I decide whether or not we want more kids.) So wish me luck, I will try to photo update with my elliptical progress once or twice a month, and lets just all keep our fingers crossed that the weight loss fairy will be nice to us all before tank top, swimsuit, and shorts season. Oh wait, I don't wear shorts. NONETHELESS! *Bows head and prays to the weight loss fairies.*

Amen.

9 pounds lighter and 4 inches smaller in the waist, but still have that pesky mom flab. Grrrr. Enjoy my tiger stripes!

Side view of whats left of the mom belly. As well as my husbands side of the sink filled to the brim with delicious smelling colognes and...bleaches? haha. The pics in the flannel pants are from today, the pics in the black pants are a few days ago (pre pms bloating.)

I hope you have all enjoyed my embarassment and misery upon posting these photos, and I hope to see yours soon!

Peace, Love, and New Pants from Maurices.
Sarah V.

Snowstorm

I know this has nothing to do with weight loss, but I'm just really excited so I'm going to post the poem that was chosen for Poem Of The Day on pathetic.org. For anyone who is not familiar with pathetic.org, it is a very popular poetry posting website. There are currently thousands and thousands of members, which is why it was so awesome to get picked for poem of the day. They only choose 365 a year and I was one of them. I just had to toot my own horn there for a moment, *Toot toot.*

And now my poem: Snowstorm
written by Sarah VanOrd 12/2008

Noises echo in my mind
A Melody, I can not find
Trees are swaying in the breeze
Inspiration, eludes me
Clouds of Grey are passing by
Within the sweetest sorrows, of the evening sky
The Winds are gusting, blowing leaves
Lonesome swings, deceiving me
The sun is shining, though not warm
I predict a long snow storm

Momma got a new toy.

I FINALLY got my elliptical last night, and I'm so excited. My husband is going to put it together after work today, so keep an eye out for new posts/photos/etc.



If you ever get bored, check me out. I'm all over the web, because I'm just savvy like that.

www.facebook.com/savanord
www.myspace.com/anotherxpoeticxsoul
www.cyanidesarah.deviantart.com
http://www.cafemom.com/home/twistidhalo
http://pathetic.org/library/6526


I wasn't kidding when I said I was all over the place. <3

And in finding those links I just found out that one of my old poems was posted as pathetic.org's poem of the day on 2/11/2010. This is a huge honor to me!!!!!!!! I'm so stoked. And yes, I write as WELL as take photos. Check out all the links above for more information.

Peace and Love
Sarah V.

Okay, Ouch.

So, today was a mixture of a good and bad day. The good was that I once again got out of the house...TWICE. We spent 4 hours walkin around the mall (which I count as a bit of exercise at least.) I left there with NOTHING for myself so I was proud of that. We got a new bedset which we needed desperately! I got Emma 2 new springtime outfits, and my husband once again spent oodles of money on new knick knacks and gadgets.

While we were at the mall, we tried a new italian place. I didn't know that it came with SO much food. I had a garlic bread stick, and a chicken ranch stromboni. I'm not sure how many calories it was, but I'm SURE it was a lot. For breakfast I had ONE pancake with light syrup, and a three inch piece of fried ham with a glass of milk. Then lunch was the horrible for me, but ever so tasty mall food. We pretty much skipped dinner because our italian food was around 3 pm and I still wasnt hungry. I did however, end up having a small bacon cheeseburger for dinner. (Which wasnt too healthy either.) It's been a kind of bad food day. Oh, and I had a cappuccino flavored breezer. I drank half of it, and it was like a daily dose of caffeine kicking me in the face. Not good, not good at all.

However--Today I also got my new cookbook. I'm super excited that I have 300 new recipes at my finger tips without needing the laptop to search at the kitchen counter! I can't wait to try it out. I highly recommend it to anyone who wants to learn to cook, or learn to cook better. It has the simplest recipes from how to boil and egg, and make grilled cheese sandwhiches...to how to make complicated dishes, quiche, entrees, you name it. The book was $15 on amazon.com and it's called the "I don't know how to cook" book. So--I'll keep everyone posted on what I make, when I make it. I will have to google some calorie counts, but if the meal has a lot it has some funny remark in the side like "This meal is a delicious comfort food perfect to eat after you've lost the love of your life, your job, or your cat. However it will take a year to work it off." Yes, that's actually in the book! =) Check it out. I bet you can even get it used for less.

Finally, in other SUPERAWESOMEEXCITINGNEWS....I got my friggin elliptical. Well, to be honest, I didn't get the one I originally wanted, but I spent the extra $120 and went a step up. I got a crosstraining elliptical with 8 weight loss workouts, and 4 personal trainer workouts. You can see it *here.* I have to wait until tomorrow to set it up, since I obviously didn't get it until 8 at night. I just put Emma to bed, I am now home and blogging, and the husband works at 6 a.m. so it probably won't be a long night. I'm just so pumped that now I can work out anytime, with NO EXCUSES. I plan on tryin to start 30 minutes a day for 3-5 days a week with the lowest resistance. After a few days I'm going to try the recommendations of the personal trainer after I get used to working out again, and try to get my knees a little TLC (aka: pain killers and a brace.)

So--wish me luck on those endevors. How, may I ask, was YOUR day? Oh--for anyone out there with any ideas, I'm going to try and once again create meal plans a week in advance. If anyone has any ideas/suggestions/etc. Please be sure to let me know.

Peace, Love, and Bedspreads
Sarah V.

P.S.

I started taking an adult GUMMY vitamin this week. It seems to be helping a lot so far. I hope everyone else is still working on being fit and healthy inside AND out. Enjoy my vlog. If you prefer blogs, let me know.

Peace love and vlogs.
Sarah V.

VLOG!

So, here's another infamous VLOG by Sarah. Don't mind me licking my lips non stop, i busted open my bottom lip and was trying to keep it from hurting, hahaha. Sorry ppls. I'm totally weird. GET USED TO IT. Show some love.

Exercise!!!!!!

Well, I'm just waiting on the hubby to finish getting ready and then we're off. We are going to go buy an elliptical today. I weighed my options between treadmill and elliptical, and since I have bad knees we decided to get an elliptical. Andrew even said he'd pay for half of it and he'd use it too! (He's 5'9 at 236, and he's trying to lose weight too.) I'm pretty excited. I'm not looking forward to putting it together, but if I can do 30 minutes a day for a week to start with, I might be in good shape by summer!

In case you were wondering how we can possibly afford this with my husband working part time in a grocery store, we got taxes back yesterday! I went out and got a MUCH needed new laptop. I really wanted an Acer, but I wound up getting a Sony Vaio instead. I must say, I love it. The keys are spaced apart, and it's touch pad doesn't get boiling hot. I'm pretty excited. Then today, my husband ordered himself a new electric guitar. He used to have several, but when I moved down here from Iowa he sold them for me. I know, he's such a sweetheart. He wound up pawning them and selling them to get us an apartment before I was even down here, so I had somewhere to move into. Yes, he's a sweetheart. AND last night he told me I was an awesome wife. I don't hear things like that often, so I was really happy about it. *Insert smiley face!*

So--that was our Friday. I'm wondering what he has up his sleeve for tomorrow. He kept telling me we weren't going to do anything, and then he told me he got me a present. Now I feel bad because I didn't get him anything. He likes to do that though. He pulled the same thing on Christmas. He prefers to buy me presents, and not getting anything in return. He's crazy I know. I'm just so excited he's agreed to use the elliptical too, and try to eat healthier.

We have been buying wheat bread, and we cut out the whole milk. I bought a carton of silk yesterday, because I told my friend Quinn and her brother Justin that I'd try it. I'm a HUGE fan of Vanilla, so I thought I'd start with vanilla silk. Well--I'll say this. It wasn't awful. It wasn't delicious, but I hear it takes some getting used to. I felt like I was drinking liquidated rice paper. I'm being brave, I'm trying new things, and I know that sometimes there will be things I don't enjoy, but I'm going to drink the entire carton...slowly. I am also going to use it to make my cappuccinos! (I got 100 calorie cappuccino packs! who knew they existed?)

In other news, I've been doing research and attempting to  find out more information on this website called Yummie Tummie. I am looking into some shapewear for tank top season. (If I get my arms in shape.) Their tank tops look amazing, and I hear they do a great job. I'm just afraid that since I'm a big girl (5'11/198 lbs) that they won't be long enough in all the right places. The tanks are $60 each which is a little steep for my budget, but since I have taxes to do it, I may give it a shot. I've also looked into spanx, but I have read many many bad reviews. So, if anyone has any input on shapewear let me know! Also, if you get the chance check out yummie tummie, because It's ADORABLE and I love it. Maybe once I start to lose more weight, I'll give it a try.

Peace, Love, and Music
Sarah V.

The First Day Of The Rest Of My Life...

Well, yesterday was the end of our six week challenge. I had told myself repeatedly if I could go those 6 weeks without giving in to my MAJOR weakness (Dr. Pepper) that I could have one after the challenge was over. Yesterday, I thought REALLY hard about going to the gas station and getting one...but I didn't. I fought with myself mentally over a soda. I've never done something like that before. Usually, I will try to rationalize why it's okay for me to do something I wasn't planning to, and yesterday I was telling myself reasons why I shouldn't drink a soda. Now, don't get me wrong. I haven't cut out soda entirely. I've had a few Root Beers and Sprites here and there, but I try to stick to caffeine free. Plus, Root Beer and Sprite are both so bubbly that I can't ever finish one. I have to sip on it forever. I don't think I will spend the rest of my life without a Dr. Pepper. That's just unrealistic, but I HAVE kept them out of my house for six long weeks.

I know some of you may scoff at the idea of a soda addiction, and some of you may understand. When smokers get stressed they want a cigarette. When alcoholics get stressed, they reach for the bottle. Well, this girl....when I get stressed, I crave soda. It's my nicotine. It's my addiction. It's not about the taste for me, it's about the burn. Yes, the burn. When was the last time you had a Dr. Pepper? That first drink burns on its way down. After that, I drink it like water.

Speaking of water, if you recall when I first began this journey I hated water. All types of water, and all flavors. Every time I have ever drank water it tastes like copper. We believe that has something to do with my iron deficiency anemia. The doctors have also said that people like me with bipolar disorder have different brain patterns than people without the illness. That in itself could have contributed to my strange taste. None of that gibberish makes any sense to me, but if you get bored later google it and tell me what you find. Back to the topic at hand. Since I started the 6 week challenge I have found a water I adore. Dasani! I never used to be big on bottled water. I thought it was wasteful and didn't understand how bottled water could taste different than tap. Now I know! Im thinking of getting a brita filter and just filtering my own water into a water bottle to save us money. We spent upwards of $30-40 a month on water alone! Yikes. If you're like me and hate water, I suggest trying several different flavors until you find one you can stomach. Yes, it might be yucky at first, but you'll thank me.

Since I started drinking water regularly, I've noticed that: my bloating has gone down, my skin looks healthier, the dark circles under my eyes are less noticeable, I'm rarely thirsty, and sipping on water keeps me from mindlessly eating without having any adverse effects. I'm lovin it.

I won't sit here and say that my life has done a full turn around because it hasn't. I haven't cut out fast food entirely, I haven't given up soda entirely, I haven't even worked out on a daily basis. What I have done is learned new things. I can eye a bowl of cereal and know when to stop for a one cup serving. I can cook actual meals, which is something I couldn't do before all of this. I can count calories in my head accurately, though I prefer to use paper. I can work out for half an hour without dying! That's something I wasn't sure I could do when I was healthier. Plus, I've met some awesome people on this journey and I hope that I continue to meet and inspire more people. This is a life long struggle, and I'm tired of the battle. I will beat this.

Final results!!!!

Hello again fellow bloggers. Well, it's finally that time. Six weeks have passed since we agreed to take on this challenge, and lord knows we've all had our struggles. I started the 6 week challenge weighing in right around 208 pounds. Yes, my first blog post says 203, but I found out that the scale I was using at that time was actually 5 pounds off. Ewies!

I haven't worked out for close to two weeks now, but I am still controlling my portions a lot better, eating healthier, and STILL haven't had my beloved soda for 6 weeks. I keep thinking about how much I'd *like* to have one, but I know that once I break down and have one, I'm going to want another...then another...then another. So maybe, just maybe, I'm doing better than I thought here. I weighed myself FIRST thing this morning, and was at the weight I'd been at when I stopped working out. Luckily that means that the 2 lb gain I was seeing before was probably in fact water weight.

So, here are my final results. I don't plan on stopping now, and I hope you guys don't either. I'm going to buy a treadmill, do a little walking, and hopfeully get some weights to work on these 'mom arms' before summer rolls around. Am I going to be prancing around in a bikini this year? Hell no. Will I at least be a little more comfortable with my body? Probably not. BUT, I will go out in a one piece. That's a step in the right direction for me.

BEFORE:
Weight: 208 pounds
Chest: 42 inches
Waist: 36 inches
Hips: 42 inches  
AFTER:
Weight: 199.6 lbs
Chest: 41 inches
Waist: 33 inches (WOO!)
Hips: 42 inches (I don't think this will ever change, I have big hips!)


So there you have it people! I was down to 198 and I gained that one extra pound back bringing my grand total to.....

9 pounds and 4 inches lost total!! Now just think, If I can keep this up for ANOTHER 6 weeks and lose the same amount of weight, I'd be down in the 180's...and if you recall that is my goal.


How did YOU ladies do? What are your final results? Are you ready to continue portion control, healthier eating, less take out, no soda, and of course a little extra activity? 

Peace, Love, and Cheerios
Sarah V.




I will post photos later of my progress! Keep your eyes peeled for them. (I didn't think posting pictures of me with my hair a mess and in my pajamas was going to get the point across too well. hehe.)

This winter is killing me....

Good afternoon fellow bloggers and blogettes. Today is another rough day in the wonderful world of weight loss.

The majority of my day was spent out and about, apartment hunting. I think I just heard a collective groan from all of my readers. I'm sure you all know how difficult apartment/house hunting can be. We had to tote Emma around in the snow too, which was horrible. I put her in long johns, then sweats, then her coat. Hey, at least she was warm. The weatherman told us there was only a 30% chance of snow today, and it hasn't stopped snowing since last night. *grumbles about stupid weather men.* On the way back from apartment hunting we had THREE close calls on the ice. We decided to pack it in and call it a day. I'm pretty disappointed, because I was excited to see the other 2 places. We didn't like the ones we DID see, which was also disappointing.


Since we were already out Andrew decided we should just have lunch at Burger King. I sighed and agreed because we've been bickering a lot lately and I just wanted to get along for a few minutes. I'm still waiting on that certain friend to visit this month so I'm grouchy, and bloated! Anyways, I decided to have a fish sandwhich and I only ate half of my fries. I still haven't had a dr. pepper in 6 weeks, so I had a sweet tea instead. That's another habit that's going to be hard to break btw. Anyways, Emma had a chicken nugget kids meal and she loved it. She ate her nuggets, but not much of her fries. We spent fifteen dollars on take out. It kills me knowing how much food that would buy at the grocery store. None the less, I opted for something a little healthier than I used to get. I even had breakfast today! Yay for honey nut cheerios.

As for working out, I'm going to try to get back into that in the next week or so. I'm looking to buy a treadmill next week if I can. I don't know where I'll put it yet, but walking for 30-60 minutes a day will help me lose weight better than doing nothing. I am going to get back into working out using my copy of Your Shape. I lost 10 lbs in 6 weeks doing that work out every other day or so. If I did it every day I'm sure I could have hit 20. Unfortunately for me, this last week and a half or so of not being able to work out has caused me to put on 2 lbs. I'm hoping its because I'm pms-ing, but we'll see. Tomorrow is our FINAL DAY of the 6 week challenge. I'm not really ready for it at all. I will post my final before/after weights and measurements. Of course, because or 6 week challenge is over doesn't mean that our fitness routine has to be over. If you girls (and possibly guys?) are still up for it, I say we keep blogging about our progress and weight loss. I am hoping to lose another 10 pounds, and I think that I can do it by this summer. So, I'm going to give myself yet ANOTHER six weeks to lose that ten pounds. Assuming of course my knees will allow it. What do YOU think?

So, that's my blog for today. Apartment hunting is stressful, snow is irritating, not having dr pepper during 'this time' of the month is as hard as not having a cigarette is to some people, we've still done well on the take out cutting our usual habits in THIRD, but we've got a ways to go. So, what about you? How are your goals shaping up? Leave me some comment love. I need all the encouragement I can get.

Oh, and in case you're wondering (Quinn) I'm still trying to get back into school, but it's going to have to get pushed back once I start working. I know, my life is like a whirl wind. Hopefully, I can manage to get my testing done soon so that I can at least begin online classes by this summer or fall.

Peace, Love, and Puffy knees
Sarah V.

Hey Hey!

I'm still alive, I promise. It's been a busy few days. I have had a TON on my plate...
I'm still not able to work out but my knees are slowly returning to normal in the swelling party. Tomorrow I'm going to attempt a workout and see how things go. Wish me luck there.

As for food, I've been doing well but I'm still slipping up a bit. I keep forgetting to eat breakfast. I know that sounds silly but after I get up and get the baby fed, dressed, etc. Its usually lunch time by the time. So I have to get better about that. I'm still doing well on the not eating out, and I've been having 3-4 servings of fruit for the past few days. I'm going to try to plan out my lunches and dinners again as soon as I can.

I haven't got much to say right now. Things are very stressful, but I'll catch you all up tomorrow. Wish me luck in my attempts to re-enter the work out world. :)

Peace and love

Uh-Oh....

Last night our old friends David & Michelle drove the 3 hours from Cookeville to here in order to see us. We had a great day and it was fabulous to get all of the kids together again. We spent the day at an indoor arcade/go-kart track and had a great time. It was a horrible day food wise, but I'm going to get back on track I promise. I think everyone will have a hard time with the Superbowl today.

For lunch yesterday I had a fish sandwhich. That's never a good sign because when I crave McDonalds fish it usually means my iron levels are dipping. (I'm slighly anemic, and it's gotten worse since I had Emma.) I only had a hand full of french fries because I know what they do to me. Emma also had her first happy meal which consisted of her eating 3 chicken nuggets, and maybe 10 fries. I had sprite with my meal and she had milk with hers. So, no dr pepper still....*cries.*

After lunch we went to the arcade that I mentioned above and we were there for about 4 hours. They had a deal that if you spent $20 you got $30 so we had $60 to spend on arcade games between six of us. It was pretty fun and crazy at the same time. Emma fell asleep in her stroller in a very loud loud loud arcade which I never thought possible. She also stayed up until 10 last night. Yikes. Well--that's another story.

None the less, after we left the arcade everyone was hungry so we wandered over to applebee's. Now, usually I order off of their 550 calories menu, but not last night. I managed to eat motzi sticks for an appetizer which I can tell you already undid any low calorie counting I had done that day. Then I had the 7 oz ribeye (medium) mashed potatos and steamed veggies. It wasn't a bad meal nutritionally, but it wasn't a good one calorie wise. I didn't eat again after that, so I may still be around the 2000 mark. It doesn't help that I'm still swollen and bloated...(ladies...);)

So, I'm hoping for a better day and week. I'm going to go buy a yoga mat some time this week so I can really get back into doing some working out. I wish I could do more with yoga, especially because they keep asking me to do the half moon and I am unable to. Mostly because Your Shape is the only place I've EVER seen that pose being done the way they do it. (lift one leg up, fall over forward, palms on the ground, same arm up as current leg up, balance. then raise arms up, balance on the same one leg until your arms are up high...basically, thats the gist of it.)

Well, this blog is me babbling on, and I'm about to go to Ihop for pancakes. Luckily, this is the last meal I'll be eating out for a while. Wish me luck hopping back on track!

Peace, Love, and Pancakes. Mmmm
Sarah V.

FORTY!

Today marks my 40th blog post. I should do something special, but I won't. Mainly because, well 40 isn't a "do something special" kind of number. Maybe when we hit 50, 100, 200, etc. We'll see. *winks*

So today has been yet another uneventful day. I couldn't sleep last night because of my knee and back pain. I tossed and turned and finally fell asleep at 12:30 only to be woken up at 2 am by a screaming infant. She is cutting what appears to be several teeth at once, and she was an unhappy camper. I sat up with her for half an hour while fighting to keep my eyes open, and hating the fact that they kept tearing up from the pain of such. I changed her, and gave her some teething tabs. Luckily, she went back to sleep without a fight, but got up at 8 am. Ugh.

Our friends were planning on bringing their kids up tonight for a playdate, and so the two dads could have some bonding time. Unfortunately, at the last minute today their daughter got sick, and now they aren't coming. I'm really bummed out about it, and was so looking forward to getting in some grown up time, as well as letting Emma have a little play time with kids around her age. *Sigh*

I had woken up this morning with the motivation to get things done. When I got the news our friends weren't coming, all that motivation vanished without a trace. It's now 4 pm and I've accomplished taking out the trash, and checking the mail. But hey-at least the kiddo and I are both dressed. Anyways, in order to kill some time and accomplish SOMETHING I am making a dessert for after dinner tonight. Yay. It's a recipe I got from campbells online which is the same place I got the recipe for tonight's dinner. Oh, and you'll all be proud to know that I actually ATE breakfast today. I had 1 1/2 pieces of leftover breakfast pizza from the other night, and then as a snack I had a nutrigrain bar and some water. For lunch I begged Andrew to bring me home a pals sandwhich-but before I get in trouble-it's 98% fat free, I didnt have anything else, and it was a ham and cheese sandwhich with only 380 cals. So, I'm doing fairly well today. I've had 2 bottles of water which is fantastic even for me. I am going to try once again to get back into the habit of water, because lately it's been caffeine free root beers and sweet tea. My weight hasn't changed, and this morning I was up half a pound. Stupid...stupid...knees.

Last night Andrew and I went to the mall. We were only gone for an hour and I spent sixty bucks. I was so excited, because I got a new pair of jeans which I desperately needed. I'm still in 16's, but only because I wear them up so high. I can fit into 15s if I wore them at a regular low cut, hip hugging level. Trust me, no one wants to see that. Today i'm looking into shape wear. I've heard a LOT LOT LOT of good things about yummie tummie and I'm debating buying a shirt or two when we get a tax refund. I hate that things like that are so pricey, but I love the idea of shape wear. I had a waist cincher I bought before I ever had my daughter, and I wore it during my bloaty phases. I made the mistake of putting it on 2 months after having my daughter, and not only could I not breathe in it, but It also now has rips in the lace. *Insert sadface here*

Yummie tummie tanks are super cute and are made to be SEEN instead of hidden. They ARE clothes, instead of being something you wear under your clothes. Well they have those too. I am super excited and I hope I can try it out eventually...unfortunately it is $62 for a tank top, and $68 for a shirt. I know, I know...trust me I do know. I don't even pay that much for a pair of designer jeans. In fact, the jeans I bought yesterday were the most expensive jeans I've gotten in probably a DECADE. My jeans usually run $25-$35 at Maurices or Vanity (Which is my favorite Iowa store, that we don't have here.) I have been researching to see before and after pictures of actual readers and fellow blogspot users, and I'm surprised to say they really have amazing real life reviews. If you're interested in yummie tummie click here.

Also if you have any personal experience or stories to share about yummie tummie, or shape wear of any kind be sure to let me know. I still occassionally put on my waist cincher when it's time for a nice outfit on a dressy occassion. It gets the job done and makes my hips disappear, as well as my bulge. However, I still have a bit of pudge...it just looks more appealing. =)

Well friends, that's all I have today.......below is tonights dinner menu. ENJOY!
Peace love and peanut butter
Sarah V.

What's For Dinner?
Chocolate-Cinnamon Bread Pudding-Click here.
Country Turkey Casserole-Click here.

Oh lookie, a video.

Just to clarify, I know that Quinn faces the same struggles we do and watching the video back what I was trying to say just came out wrong. I was trying to say that we are all facing struggles but in a different way, and I know she is dealing with the same things that the rest of us are. It just seems like Nathalie and I both have to deal with the pressures from our husbands of take out/fast food/snacks and Quinns husband seems a little more supportive? I don't know personally..and I may be wrong here, but it's just what I've perceived. I don't mean to offend anyone and apologize if I did.
I meant to elaborate on that in the video, but I got side tracked. I am here for everyone 100% whether they want to lose five pounds or fifty. We are all brothers and sisters in this battle, and without you guys I would have gone insane by now.

Also, don't mind the lisp. I used to think it was from my tongue ring but apparently it wasn't. And noooo, I'm not missing a tooth at the bottom, it's just further out than the rest and apparently I talk out of the side of my mouth which is weird. ha. I'm an odd ball.

I suck..

Well, I won't lie to you guys. Today was my first full day in over SIX months with full working internet, and CABLE television. Instead of doing my workout, I opted to.....be completely lazy. I didn't get out of my pajamas until 1:30 this afternoon. I spent the afternoon lying on the couch and watching a LMN movie while Emma was asleep. After my husband got home from moving his friends into a new apartment, I had to make a grocery list which also took forever. I wound up finishing it and going to the grocery store until 5:30. After 2 hours at the store, I got home and was immediately greeted by my father-in-law. So, I just said screw it and made dinner.

For dinner I made a breakfast pizza. Yes, it sounds weird but it was amazingly delicious. It had 499 calories per serving (2 pieces) which isn't great, but it could have been worse. It was amazing, and very easy to make. You can find the recipe here. It didn't take long, and it was great. OH, and I found a new drink called Pear Marlot. It is made by bolthouse farms and contains 3 3/4 of your daily servings of fruit. If you've never given it a try, I'd HIGHLY suggest it. You can find the link to *that* here.

In other news, as I previously mentioned in my blog I haven't been able to work out. My knees have been doing very poorly, and are currently very swollen. I took some pictures but they honestly just don't do my legs justice. I wound up with a few pictures last week where they were actually purple in color, but they were taken on my cell phone. I used my rebel to take a few pictures tonight, and while you can see every stretch mark, varicose vein, and line in my legs-I'm going to post them for YOU! If you think this looks normal, please look at your own knees. If your knees look like mine, welcome to the 'effed up knees' club.

You will notice that there are extra lumps and bumps where there shouldn't be. Particularly off the side of my knee, you will see a lot of lumpy grossness. Everything you see in this photo that looks out of place and lumpy, is fluid on my knees. It causes my legs to buckle, pop, and hurt extensively. I can't believe how pale my legs are, but thats beside the point. The point is, with knees like these, working out is not only painful, but damn near impossible. I'm still trying to stay on target with food though. Wish me luck, because this is going to take a HELL of a lot longer than 6 weeks.

Peace, Love, and Excedrin Back & Body
Sarah V.

I'm Baaacck.

Hello blog readers! I'm back. I'm sure that if you check my website you may have noticed an absence. Well, you see...my husband and I moved 6 months ago and could never afford to get the internet installed. We were 'borrowing' from a neighbor, who has since moved. That obviously means I was without internet, until........today! Our first month will cost $135.00 (ow!) but it will be worth it, because we also got cable. Now maybe my sanity won't suffer. Yay.

     Anyways, on to health related things. I have been feeling extremely unmotivated. I want so badly to lose weight, and the fact that it's happening slower than I'd like has me feeling down. I am at 198.6 pounds which makes for about a 9-10 lbs loss depending on which day/time I weigh myself. I am still learning a lot about my body, which kind of sucks. It has done a 180 since having a baby. Things that never bothered me, now do a horrible number on me. Take for example, milk.
     Now, milk is the one drink I like to have with my meals. I don't drink a lot of it, but when I do I might have 2 glasses a day (16 oz or so.) When I *do* have it my stomach swells, my pants get tight, and I suddenly have the slushy waterbed feeling going on in my belly. It takes a while for my stomach to stop pushing out, and I HATE it. But enough complaining..
    
     The past few weeks that I've been gone have been going pretty well. I am sad to say I can't do much working out, and i may end up being down for the count soon if my knees don't improve. I did a 15 minute workout today, but nearly collapsed in tears because I was in so much pain. I will post a picture later of what my knees currently look like, but let's say they're not pretty. When I was in high school I tore all of the bi-lateral cartiledge in both knees. I was supposed to have steroid injections done until my knees improved, but after one visit where there was a giant needle went under my kneecaps twice, I quit going. This was of course 6 years ago. I never imagined my knees still wouldn't be healed.
At the moment it looks like there are marbles or small golf balls coming off the sides of each knee because of the swelling. On days I can't work out, I still attempt to do yoga. It isn't as bad, but some of the stretches still get pretty rough on the knees. Hopefully things will get better, but I'm trying to push through the pain.

     As for eating choices, I haven't been doing horribly, but I could have been better. Andrew took me out on a date this Saturday, and we had Ruby Tuesdays. I LOVE their restaurant, but I did absolutely HORRIBLE that night and wound up gaining almost an entire pound. I had Parmesan chicken pasta, chips and spinach dip (1/4 each and the rest got thrown away) a sweet tea, and a glass of alcohol. I had something called a pyrat hurricaine, and it was pretty good. I ended up having my pasta as TWO meals, instead of just one. I saved it from lunch and had the other half at dinner, so hopefully that helped offset some of the calories. Then, last night Andrew brought me home a burrito from taco bell, and I felt I had no choice but to eat it. Well-let's just say today I learned my lesson. I woke up feeling sick, spent most of my morning in the bathroom getting ill, and then put on a pound because of it. I guess my body and take out do NOT agree anymore. That could be a great thing for me, If I CANT eat take out, I won't!

So that's it, my knees are bad, my motivation is dwindling, my eating habits are still pretty much the same (not as bad as before/could be better) and I'm hoping with you GIRLS (and maybe guys?) around to give me some motivation I will be able to do better. One thing I can PROUDLY say is that I have had NO CALORIC SODA since the day before our challenge began. NO Dr. Pepper at all, and the only soda I have had was caffeine free. Once it starts to warm up, I'm going to begin going outside for 30 minutes a day and walking around at the very least. Being indoors makes me feel crappy non-stop.

Sorry for the rambling blog, I haven't had t.v. in a looooong time, and my favorite show (NCIS) came on mid-blog. Please forgive the babbling.

Peace, Love, and Hamburger Helper
Sarah Elaine

P.s. Dasani water=love.