Time For A Reality Check...

Okay, so I am here once again to vent. If you haven't been here before, then I should tell you that I just write randomly. So, today's topic of conversation is:

LINGERIE MODELS

So, for anyone who doesn't know me, I will let you all in on a little bitty secret....I'm pretty opinionated. Maybe that's not such a secret after all. Now, hear me out before you roll your eyes at "yet another weight related blog." Just sit down, eat some popcorn, and read what I have to say. You don't have to agree with it, but if you didn't want random blogging, well, what the heck did you come here for?

RaNdOm PoIntLeSs NuMbErS:

At the age of 15, I could fit into a teeny, tiny size 6. Yes me, in a size 6. Amazing!!

At the age of 16, I gained 30+ pounds. My size 6, suddenly went to a size 12/14. I found this perfectly acceptable at the time. I still looked pretty good considering I was just over 160 lbs.

At the age of 19, I lost a bunch of weight and was back into a size 11. Hooray for me. Right?

At the age of 21, I weighed 195 lbs. I stood 5 foot, eleven inches tall. I wore a size 40DD. And, I was in a size 14 for good.

And now, finally......where I am today.

I am a size 14/16 but I prefer a size 16 so that I can pull my jeans up 'mom style' to help camo the gut. I weigh 199 pounds, and I am a 40DDD/F bra size. I am no where near as happy with my body as I once was, but I know that if I were to ever become a size 6 again, I would look scary ill. 

Now that all of those random pointless numbers have been shoved into your head, let me give you a visual.

This woman is a 'supposed' size 6. Imagine, if she's a size 6 what a size zero might look like. I'm not saying their arent HEALTHY people who are naturally that small, but some of these people are not meant to be this small. Keep reading, just keep reading.

Now, here we have the other end of the spectrum. This woman is a US size 16. Do I look like her? No. Do I look like the size six model? No. So what am I here to bitch about? Well, I'll tell you what. While I may  not have the "fit fat" shape that the size 16 model does, I do have very similar measurements. I have recently begun trying to love my own body regardless of it's size. I know that I'm a happy, healthy mother. I know that I have a husband who loves me, friends who love me, and I know that I'm no stranger to the occasional flirt from a random passer by. Now, if all of those people can look past my size 14/16 jeans, why can't I?

Today, I went online to look at some sexy lingerie for myself. I haven't felt good about myself in a long time, and hey-I'm only human. Once in a while we all want to look beautiful. After all, I AM a woman. So, I searched the internet for a while trying to find the best quality and the best buys. I found a few awesome plus sized lingerie stores (I'm considered a 1X thanks to my large chest) but their lingerie is $50 and up. Now, I don't mind paying that once in a while, but I was wanting to buy one or two pieces this time so I kept shopping.

Just as I was about to give up, I was reminded of Fredericks Of Hollywood. I had been told by several people that they carried "plus size" lingerie, and "plus size" bras. Why not check it out for myself? Why not go there and see what they had to offer. I went to their website where I was immediately greeting by the smiling face of a size two model. "Ugh," I said to myself in disgust, "I can't imagine looking like that, and yet I want to." ....No, no, no. I should slap myself for thinking like that. I'm a bigger girl and I need to learn to be okay with that. I will NEVER be a size six again. Just, move on. So, I did.

I took a deep breath, and I clicked the little marking that read "Plus Sizes."  Now, since I'm new to the whole "plus size" scene, I thought that it would be nice and refreshing to see women MY size wearing these clothes. I wanted to know how the outfits would look on a girl my size. I wanted to see a woman with a big chest, little waist, and huge hips. Do you want to know what I was greeted with? Well-do you? 

IT WAS THE SAME FUCKING MODEL FROM THE MAIN PAGE. 

What? Fredericks Of Hollywood, are you too cheap to splurge on a plus size model? It only takes ONE. Are you too afraid she might eat a cupcake on your watch? Do you realize the damage your doing to your own business when girls like myself can't even IMAGINE buying clothes from you, because you discriminate against us. Sure, it may be unintentional but then again, who's to say it isn't? I'm just amazingly agitated that people I know, people I'm friends with, and people who are my size and several, several sizes larger can shop at this store problem free.

Now, I will say that if we had an actual store around where I could go check things out, try things on, see them in person, talk to a sales rep, or a manager....well then, things might be different. But not unlike so many others, I shop online for a reason. Do I have the ability to go to the mall whenever I feel like it? NO, I don't. Do I have the ability to take a day for myself to try on clothes until I find something that fits me like a glove? NO, I don't. I'm a stay at home mother, and we are currently surviving on one family car. A barf green kia rio...and it's my husbands car. 

Now, with all of that being said...how many women out there are in their mid twenties, with children, and still wearing a size zero. How many of you hot mamas get to go to the mall, alone, kid free, husband or boyfree free, and just spend all day trying on clothes that absolutely fit you? How many of you can pick up a pair of jeans off a rack, and then another of a totally different style and still fit into them? How many? If you're one of these ladies, I must say that you are either one lucky beyotch, or you worked your ASS OFF for the bod you've got. If that's the case, then kudos to you pretty lady.

So, that's my rant for the day. I wanted to buy some sexy outfits to wear. I wanted to feel pretty in my lacy lingerie with my sexy heels, and I wanted to know that there were still some people out there who didn't look at plus sized people with shame and disappointment. I mean after all, America is the fattest country in the nation. We survive off of fast food, junk food, processed food. We spend all of our money frivolously, and I hate to break it to you but the "plus sized" people are taking over this country. Now, if you have an insult to throw my way. If you think that I need to eat less, workout more, and lay off the carbs, then I've got news for you. I have spent every day of my life fighting a battle with my weight. I have monitored every calorie going in, and every calorie burned. I have starved myself, taken weight loss pills, jammed the handle of my toothbrush down my throat to vomit, taken diet pills while starving myself, and worked out to the point of exhaustion. So trust me, I have tried every quick fix. I have tried every remedy. I have been up and down, up and down, up.......and down, again and again. I have tried my best to fight the battle of the bulge, and the bulge has won. 

I am now taking matters into my own hands. I am working out, I am dieting, and I am eating healthy foods. I don't eat a lot of junk, I don't drink my favorite soda, and I am honestly trying to make a life style change. The hardest part of ALL OF THIS.....well, the hardest part isn't losing the weight. The hardest part is learning to accept that my body isn't now, nor will it ever be, the same as it was before all of this.

I took a nine month journey. I watched my body bend, stretch, wriggle, and jiggle in ways I never knew imaginable. I lost sixty pounds in nine months and watched my stomach deflate like an old beach ball. I have done what I'm supposed to do, and all that's left now is for me to continue to live a healthier lifestyle, hope that my body appreciates it and shows me a little gratitude, and for me to learn to love myself exactly the way I am......regardless of what anyone else says.

Peace, Love, and Ranting.

Sarah V.

P.s. SHAME ON YOU FREDERICKS OF HOLLYWOOD.

SHAME. ON. YOU.