Working Hard or Hardly Working?

I hate being sick. I feel like I'm failing myself! I know I need to be healthy before I can dive into another workout routine or diet, but damn it...I FEEL USELESS! My throat is killing me, I can't take a breath without having a coughing fit, and I'm losing my voice. I'm on strict instructions not to speak today so that my voice doesn't give out all together. That would make being a stay at home mom a little more difficult. I spend a lot of my day talking to Emma.

The title of my blog is Working Hard or Hardly Working. I feel that during our 6 week challenge, I busted my ass. But, ever since that ended I've had to overcome struggle after struggle, and obstacle after obstacle. I bought my elliptical, and I've only been able to use it a handful of times. It's in the basement, so I can only use it while Emma sleeps. The past 3-4 days Emma has only slept with me, so that kills that workout plan.

It hurts when I eat, but I'm still forcing myself to do it. I have been trying to drink more water, but since I got sick my hubby once again has brought me home some Sprite. Okay.....OKAY, it was my idea! I need sprite and 7 up when I'm sick, I just do. I JUST DO OKAY! Jeez. Right...okay, where was I?

I used to work hard. I felt like I was getting things done. I made all the time I could to work out. I did my cardio. I ate well. I tried my absolute best, even when I didn't feel like it. Now, all of these things I can no longer do are getting me down. Luckily, I'm not snacking. I'm not eating junk. I'm not overeating. I'm just not.........getting much done in terms of working out. I feel like no matter what I do, something is blocking my path. Does that make sense? I want to be healthy, I want it to be nice, and I want to have some ME time to get myself back into shape. I feel so lazy. Then, I feel guilty. I hate feeling lazy, AND guilty. This is slightly depressing.

Guilty/lazy/guilty/lazy/guilty...
it's a never ending pattern. I am doing better with my eating. I used to eat when I felt depressed, and now I try to drink water instead. I used to buy salty snacks, junk food, and Dr. Pepper. Now, I buy sliced apples, water, and fruits. I'm noticing that I'm far more energetic just with the change of diet, but that I have nothing to do with my energy at the moment. I can't wait until it gets nicer out. I'm going to attempt to walk every day with Emma. I usually lose most of my weight in the summer anyhow!

This blog has become hard for me to follow. I haven't said what I wanted to say because my mind is racing. I need to collect my thoughts, and blog again later. I just wanted to point out that this journey is for a lifetime, and sometimes we all are going to hit bottom, if only momentarily. I feel like that's where I am right now. I'm sitting at the bottom, staring up at everyone else, wishing I could be as determined as them. I need motivation, I need determination, I need to be healthy, and I need a babysitter! Ugh...*PULLS OUT HAIR*

Well, this blog is once again rambling. I'm trying to do too much at once while I write. I am talking to Quinn, watching CSI, checking facebook, and trying to figure out what to make for dinner. I'm also trying to figure out how to get burnt on cooking spray off a coated pan. :( Sorry if my blog makes no sense to you.....my mind is a never ending cesspool of randomness.

Peace, Love, and Cough Drops
Sarah V.